So Matthew didn’t message me about meeting up in a month. In fact, the past two months he hasn’t initiated a chat with me. All he did was liking my FB posts.
I was torn. I did not like this. Thankfully there’s Patrick and Ashley. They offered some distraction.
I tried to calm myself down and not be too upset. I came up with possible reasons that he didn’t contact me, like, maybe he is getting over an STD, lol. Yes, that would’ve made me feel slightly better.
First week, I was still missing him so much. I smelled the towel he used. I prepared my “unicorn” outfit for when I see him. I even bought a Pusheen unicorn keychain for his birthday.
Second week, I felt awful because he still hadn’t messaged me. I hated that just when I went out on a limb and purchased things for him (face masks, keychain), he treated me this way.
3 weeks passed. I finally started to give up. I booked a flight to see Patrick. I continue to chat with Ashley. I didn’t think about Matthew as much.
4 weeks passed. I forgot about him in many ways and felt a little annoyed when he liked my FB posts (Like, oh, you’re still around?)
And last night, he messaged me. Saying that it’s been a long time.
I tried to stay calm about this. This morning I asked him why. Pretty much got the most insincere response I can imagine. He said he has been having busy weekends.
I replied to let him know that if he is too busy to meet once in 4, 5, weeks, and can’t even let me know about it, then that shows how much he respects me, which is not very much.
He replied to say he thought we can go about our busy lives and, said, but I understand, and apologized.
That’s also a bad response, because he wasn’t disagreeing with my statement about not respecting me.
Basically, he really doesn’t think he needed to respect me.
It’s really sad. Makes me sad. I would cry, but I have fresh lash extensions.
I wrote up a reply, talking about how I think busy-ness is understandable, but it’s only polite and respectful to let the other person know. I talked about how if I went to China for a month without letting him know, that means I don’t care whether I see him or not when I return.
But I decided to not send it. What’s the point?
The part that hurts is that I needed and wanted him in my life, every two weeks, or every weekend if I can. But he didn’t need or want me for the past four weeks, and he didn’t think he would lose me.
Well, he did.
I can’t think of a way that I would take him back. So, this is the end.
I know, people care in different ways. I would never be out of touch for more than 2 weeks. I would be polite and respectful. But, I also wouldn’t stalk someone for 7 years and try to meet up with them. What I consider a minimal gesture of caring, he can’t meet it. But he does other things that are more than what I would never do.
Alas. It doesn’t matter now. I’m just trying to see it this way so I don’t feel as bad.
I predicted that he would hurt me. I channeled into a “feeling” one day to see into the future a bit. I felt that he would hurt me and then make it up to me. I don’t see how though.
I tried to channel into a prediction about Patrick and I, but part of me is afraid to see it for real. So I don’t know if it’s accurate. I think we’ll be ok. I’ve been excited about this trip! Just that he is flakey so I really want the day to arrive asap, so I can meet up with him as planned.
God, please give me and Patrick a good time in Las Vegas! So far no luck with good times with Matthew (insincere asshole) nor Ashley (awkward, not sure if we are dating) nor Jackson (who tried to get my number again from Ty, but he is way too kinky and rough, not to mention too slow about getting my number).