It’s been great seeing Alex transform. I encouragd him to get a new job related to bike, he did. I inspired him to make more money, he fought and got a better salary.
I suggested that he asked Steve about the direction of the company and the scooter / bike revenue split, he asked and got answers. He didn’t like getting put to fixing scooters at work, I told him to talk to Ketti, using Steve’s vision about the direction of the company as his argument, he did, and now gets to focus on bikes at work.
He’s done a lot.
But part of me is stil questioning, is he a loser, or is his success up and coming?
Can I proudly stand beside him? I don’t know. Because I don’t know if he has it in him. There’s a lack of ambition, lack of drive, lack of direction. I can’t always be influencing him. I don’t always have faith in him. Sigh. I wish I did. I wish I believe in him whole heartedly. I think I need to see grit and good decisions.
Today we talked on the phone. He is all excited about building his VR game. He wants to learn the unreal engine and build a game from scratch.
I think:
1. It’s a big project
2. He doesn’t have all the skills – 3D graphics, writing a game from scratch.
3. It’ll take him at least 2 years to get to the point of fund raising.
4. In the mean time, VR will be moving forward real fast.
5. On the other hand, he might give up before then.
He talked about refreshing his renewable energy site. He talked about building a cutom bike app. Now he talks about building a VR game.
It worries me that he is all talk. And the latest one is the least viable one. Most competition, longest time and most effort needed to get a working prototype.
I’m not an expert, but I want to guide him. I’ve been guiding him to resolve each issue so far, guiding him to success. I don’t claim to know everything, but so far it’s helping him. I think the fact that I’m financially healthier than him also means something. Sometimes I don’t feel that he has the right to claim to know anything about what’s better business-wise or financially, because he has had no savings, no credit, and was working for $16/hour part time before I came along.
Some possible traits he has:
1. Has problems working 5 days a week. Working 5 days a week drains him.
2. Focuses on the wrong things for too long. Photography, mod-building, dead-end bike jobs.
3. Is proud to be a good person. Doesn’t care as much about money nor saving it for retirement.
4. Has been poor for too long. Can’t think out side of the financial box.
5. Often a victim. Escapes instead of facing the problem.
I’m starting to think that we won’t work 🙁
1. I don’t want to grow old with someone who cannot support himself. I don’t want to have to support him. If he continues this way, I think I will have to.
2. I don’t want to always feel bad about spending money when with him.
3. I don’t want to be like him – limited vision, impractical approach to making money, victim mentality, poorman mentality, running away from problems, too weak to stand up for himself, can’t think outside the box.
4. Runs away from problems. Might run away from me.
5. He is so loving All five languages of love. I really like that about him. He can be really funny. He likes many things that I like: VR, penthouse, great view.
6. He has a good temper. He is considerate. He is supportive.
7. I really want him to succeed. I want him to be location independent. I want him to have enough money to spend on anything he wants, and things we can have/experience together, such as buying a penthouse, travel.
8. He has had success before. It just wasn’t very well-managed. God knows I haven’t managed my business very well either. If he’s succeeded twice with his sites, there’s something there.
I just called him and apologized. I told him that sometimes I have a very strong opinion about the sequence of things he should do, but that’s because I care about him. And that I trust that he’ll know best what to do. He said he wasn’t sure. But at least we are ok again. We kissed each other good night.
I don’t know if this is right, when we’ve only been together for less than 3 months, and we already broke up once, and had almost-fights 2 or 3 times. They were all caused by me though.
I cried. I don’t know why I cried. I’m stressed abous us. I’m stressed about moving in together. I’m stressed about my biz.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve been single for so long, I’m really happy and free like this. Go to bed whenever the heck I want. Eat whenever I want. Sleep comfortably all by myself.
God, please show me a sign that Alex and I should be together.