Month: February 2018

Another fun day!

Robert, Sam, Pia, Brian, Isadora, and I went to Boulder’s Beach to swim with penguins today!

It’s always fun when Sam is around.

How I want to be in love and grow old with someone who is always gonna make me laugh. And finds me funny too.

Before we leave South Africa, I want Sam to tell me that he likes me. And that he wants to be with me one day. He is too young right now, and I have a boyfriend right now. But if we can tell each other that we like each other, we can meet again. If we have alone time before we part ways, then…maybe.

Sometimes I wish I had come here single. But then I’m reminded that he is only 26, and he has slept with other people while possibly liking me. He is probably undependable. He gets bored too easily.

So back to this morning. We had a late night last night. Sam got here a bit late. Isadora forgot about the trip. But finally we hit the road.

I sat beside Sam in every Uber ride we did today. But he is less handsy today. I guess because he is sober. And hungover.

I’m glad he decided to come though. He really didn’t seem that thrilled about the penguins when we went the first time. I was surprised that he came to this one. Maybe because of me. Though today he seemed genuinely interested in the penguins.

We arrived at the snorkel gear rental first. After getting fitted, and while waiting for Uber, Sam and Brian got into a fake fight. It was hilarious.

We got to Boulders Beach, fully dressed in wetsuit, and realized that we totally overdressed haha.

We posed Charlie’s Angel style in wetsuit. On the shore, two penguins walked by like they are classy guests dressed up in tuxedos and running late for a dinner party. It was so amazing.

We went into the water. There wasn’t a lot to see in the water, but we found more land, and were able to get really close to them.

While one was grooming, I touched it! Sam was jealous haha. I told him the penguin didn’t like it though, because it didn’t give me permission to touch it. Sam was like, “Oh so you were like Dan. All handsy.” Hahaha

One penguin walked over Robert’s flippers! And two pecked at Brian’s GoPro.

We were so lucky that it was a sunny day, and it wasn’t cold! Weather forecast had said otherwise.

We ran into Ashley, Lindsay, Wilhelm, and Merlijn. They rented a car because they wanted to go to Cape of Good Hope.

Ashely has been looking a bit depressed. I can’t help but wonder if she had a crush on Sam too, and was sad to discover that he’s been a slut.

After we got back to shore, we got our camera and explored the rest of the place without touching the water! We didn’t really need the wetsuits haha.

The scenery was amazing. The rocks were beautiful. We climbed over them and went under them. The penguins were pretty comfortable around us, staying just a little bit away.

Finally Sam let me know that we had to get back. He helped me climb some of the rocks. He didn’t touch me or help me when he didn’t need to, but he was being fairly sweet. He offered to carry my fins at one point, to my surprise. I know he has 5 languages of love on his mind.

We took a bus to a train, then took the train to Muisenburg for lunch. We were starving and the food took forever.

I showed Sam and everyone the videos I took. He was thoroughly entertained. I took lots of him and he loved watching himself.

There was footage from last night. He said he was super drunk. Alcohol does remove some inhibition.  That’s probably why he touches me more when he is drunk. Or  he is hornier. I guess I’m both.

We were in the car and he started to fall asleep. He asked, “Can you tell me a story?” It makes me feel..at home. I want to be with someone whom we can tell each other stories to.

Come to think of it, I did ask Alex to tell me stories too.

I told him about the King’s Mistresses. I asked if he liked the story, he said not really…but it was interesting.

I fell asleep too. Sam woke me up as we got home. That was it. We didn’t doze off on each other’s shoulders. He didn’t even like not having space in the car…whereas I liked being cramped together so I can be physically close to him.

I want some alone time with him.

Today was an awesome day!

Some people went on the Gin Tour, I stayed home tried to get some work done, even though it’s Saturday.

Christa came over and wanted to go for a run together. I wasn’t gonna, but decided to do it.

It turned out to be a super long speed walk where we talked a lot and got to know each other well. I like her. She has a very high EQ.

We had lunch at Cafe Neo. Soaking in the sun and the yummy food (I had a mousakka and two salads).

We got back and she started working on the balcony while I worked in bed and fell asleep.

Towards the evening, everyone started planning for Christa’s bday surprise party.

I felt a bit more special having spent all day with the birthday girl, and arriving with her! Julia thought I was cooler right away. Just her though. I really shouldn’t have to impress anyone this way.

Julia put a lot of effort in though! She bought all the unicorn stuff, including a unicorn balloon! And she did boomerang of everyone.

When I walked in behind Christa, I saw Sam sitting right there. But I felt like ignoring him. I ignored him for a good half hour.

I think I was a bit mad at him. Mad at him for not even coming up last night when he came over to go to a pub with Pia, joining a bunch of people.

Mad at him for causing me to get upset, then got mad at my bunny.

Mad at him for sleeping with Michelle and that Tinder date.

Mad at him for teasing me and causing me to be infatuated and not sure how I feel about Alex. Sigh.

He came into my line of sight while I was talking to other girls. Our eyes met for a brief moment. He was trying to get a sense of whether I was mad at him perhaps?

I know I looked good, wearing my purple cropped top and purple eye shadow. He could be just horny.

I was talking and laughing and having lots of fun without him.

We found a yellow porcelain cockatiel in the kitchen, and I pretended to stroke it. Kent took a boomerang and we laughed so hard.

Sam came in and saw the boomerang. He wanted me to take one of him putting the bird down his throat. Haha. He needs to have attention on him.

Fred put an ice cube down Kent’s shirt, and he caught it on the other end with his cup! Ahahahah

I asked to do it to him too. And Brian took a video. Then, Christa came in and asked what was going on. I said, let me show you! Then Berta came in and asked the same, and I said, let me show you! Hahaha. Kent wasn’t able to put up with anymore ice cube down his shirt.

Kent was feeding everyone jagger. Robert joked that he is like a mama bird.

Julia took a boomerang of me by the unicorn as we took turns. Sam stood there and watched.

We had a conversation that his glitter was unicorn cum, and him and his son “Jobert” were jerking off unicorns. His retarded son (not sure why he makes these jokes about having 3 sons) painted the glitter on his arms. His random jokes are way funnier than Alex’s random jokes though.

At some point we were in the living room throwing party hats at each other, with Ashley in the middle. Then I stuck out my foot to get them to throw the hats on my foot. Didn’t work.

Then Sam and I got into a pillow fight where we threw pillow at each other’s face. Weird.

Then on the way out to go dancing, as we were putting shoes on, he tried to take my shoes. Somehow we were rolling around on the floor as I tried to get my shoes back and I fell on him. He was definitely horny.

Then he threw my shoes down the stairs. I threw his shoes down the stairs. We both went after them, and tried to throw the other person’s shoes down the spiral stairs. I was having a wtf moment because I didn’t see that coming and I was trying to not be as flirty with him. We were wrestling and as we half rolled down the stairs like two octopuses having sex. I was out of breath by the time we got to the bottom of the staircase!

At one point I tried to throw his shoe up the stairs, but it hit a door real loud. Thankfully there were steel bars on the door so it didn’t hit the door’s glass.

Aries we are. How come no other Aries is like that? We are two silly kids. He is 12 years younger than Norm, so he is a Goat Aries too. Yet they can’t be more different.

I went back up to get my bag, he went downstairs and just lied on the stone ledge of someone’s front yard. Kent pushed him and he fell into a push of rosemary. Hahahaa

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to come, but Krista convince him, putting his arm around her neck. He put his other arm around me and acted all wasted.

He was putting chewing gum in my mouth in the Uber. I used to think it was flirting, but now I think it could be just drunk horniness. Could be more. Who knows.

We got to the club Shimmy, and omg, it was beautiful! The blue glow, the swimming pool, and most of all, the awesome music! I was thrilled. While others were getting drinks, me and Sam were dancing. Not really grinding because I was wearing a sling bag, but it was a good moment. It reminded me of the dance me and Devan had. Devan and I were kinda a team on the dance floor.

We danced in a circle as a group. Julia clearly thought I was cool again because I was the best dancer there, I think.

I think Sam was behind me for a while. Then he was gone. I thought he went home. But he reappeared. I guessed that he was working the room and didn’t find much. There were no cute guys around. Maybe no cute girls either.

But honestly I was having so much fun I didn’t care if he was there. The music was great, the vibe was great.

At one point though, I was beside him, and he tried to lean his back onto him. I picked him up with my back. He laughed.

At this point our bags were in the middle of the dance floor, so I didn’t have my sling bag on. We grinded for maybe a second. Then we did some synchronized silly dancing with our legs.

Krista had a unicorn head band that she passed around. When it was passed to Sam, he pointed it at Kent, and Kent opened his mouth. AHHAHAHA

Sam comes and goes. That’s his pattern. Every time I thought he went home, he reappeared.

Then suddenly everyone went outside. It was gorgeous out. We sat on the lounge. Sam suddenly showed up. He sat beside me and as I tried to film Fred pole dance again. He was leaning against me with his head on my shoulder. He moved my phone around and zooming in on Dan just for fun. We both thought it started to look like a horror film.

Then Pia and Brian and Dan and maybe some others wanted to leave. They had 1 more seat in Uber. I said ok at first, then I changed my mind. I was having fun with Sam. But then Sam said, then I’m leaving! And got up. What.

Then Michelle E. and I went back on the dance floor dancing to Beyonce. We had fun.

Then Krista and the rest of the gang came back into the club. They wanted to go to a “street festival”. We were having fun there and I didn’t want to leave, but ok! Then Sam also came in. Wtf, he is still here?

As we waited for everyone to gather, Sam asked what was in my bag. Penguins? I said penguin egg. He hugged me from behind to pretend to help me warm up the egg. I said he crushed it.

I told him I played Marry Fuck Kill today (with Krista). He was intrigued. It’s called Snog Marry Avoid in the UK, which is boring. He wanted to pick the guys…and he picked Andrew and Dan. I told him that the guys I already played on were Robert, Brian, and Dan. He was so curious about my choices. And of course he guessed them right. I can tell he really wanted to know how I feel about him, but he can’t put his name in the game.

We went to the carnival, and it was awesome! It was like their Rio equivalent. But no sexiness, just bands, and people in shiny polyester band uniform haha.

The people were really cool and inclusive though! A couple people took their uniform off and gave it to us to wear! And people will come up to “dance fight” with you, even little kids!

Sam was just having a blast. He loves being in the centre of attention. He was almost swept away by the parade, immersing himself in it.

Fred got a uniform and I can tell that Sam was so jealous. Then he finally got a turn to wear it and he was so thrilled. He asked me to take photos of him. I took a video. He looked at it and said if he wasn’t him he’d hate him.

He wanted to go away to take a look around. He told me that in advance to make sure I don’t get pissed at him again. Interesting. He was doing that all night anyway.

I on the other hand seem to like to stay put. Felix walked around for even longer than Sam. Maybe it’s a guys thing? Robert stays put though.

At one point I was cold, so Sam put his polyester uniform jacket on me. He did it in a way that’s kinda sexy though. Standing behind me, draping it over my shoulders then gently squeezed my arms.

As soon as I had the uniform on, people started coming over to dance fight with me. It was too much! Haha.

We were starving and wanted to go somewhere to eat. Kent kept saying he wanted fries. Sam suddenly showed up with food in his hands. He got some food from across the street! They had really good hot dogs and samosas. Robert and I had the last ones.

It was around 2am. Sam declared that he wanted to go home (for real this time). I said yes to it, and all of us went home.

It was a fun night 🙂

1. He is loyal
2. He is loving
3. He is consistent
4. He is handsome
5. He is lean and will stay lean
6. He ages well
7. He has blue eyes
8. He is a good person
9. He wants to be with me and do what I want to do, sharing my goals and dreams

The other day over Ethiopean food, Kent confirmed that Michelle was staying at Sam’s, at least in the beginning.

Sam was MIA for two days after his Tinder date. I asked him about it today at the co-working space.

He messaged me and said that he didn’t want to have a reputation. And said that she was really hot and spent the night at his place. (It’s kinda hard to believe that someone ugly like him is attracting so many people.)

I asked him if it was a secret to Michelle. He had no idea that he already had that reputation.

He said there’s no one that’s his type in the tribe at the moment. Hmm….that’s a bit saddening. I thought he was interested in me, just that I’m unavailable. But then, you can’t always take what someone says at its face value. He could be saying it just because I’m unavailable. I wish he would tell me that he was into me though. Many things he does shows that.

But he is such a dick. Worst part, he doesn’t even know that he is.

Today he was talking about sexual stuff to me in front right in front of Michelle. What I would’ve thought to be flirting. He’s done that at the safari too…though those were more inside jokes between us. Does he not realize it’s flirting? Maybe he is like Merlijn and flirts without knowing. Then again I think he does it with me only…as far as I can tell. Maybe a little bit with Ashley.

I now can really appreciate having Alex. If I didn’t have him, I’d be crying over this dick of a guy. Also, he is not as funny now as he used to be.

After not seeing him for two days, I did get a new found appreciate for Alex already. I miss his gentleness, his love, his thoughtfulness.

Though I really thought I was more important to Sam. Maybe I am. My gut tells me I am. But boy am I glad that I didn’t tell him how I felt about him! Whew.

I’ve never experienced one-sided attraction where I’m the one attracted. But, to be perfectly honest, I think he was lying. I think he does like me more than he could admit. From my observations. For someone to listen so intently to what I say and remember everything, and to ask so many questions about what kind of guys I like, my ex, my current bf, what I look for in a relationship….I think he’s attracted.

He mentioned having a foursome with his friend one time, and they high-fived. Ew. I mentioned Josh being so hot and having a foursome with 3 girls. I mentioned that he was 8 or 10 years younger and looked young, and joked that I was a petophile. Of course he laughed and loved it and hung on to it.

I mentioned wanting to be in a power couple relationship. He kept asking what strengths I look for. I said I don’t know. There are many ways my strengths can be complemented. When I said I fantasized about finding someone here, instead of saying that I have a bf, he asked, Any luck? And said that “Dan is powerful.” lol. I know he wants me to want him. He can’t admit it to himself.

He asked about Alex. I mentioned my doubts about me and him. But I also show him pictures of Alex, to show him how cute Alex is.

Sam is a slut. Then again Alex had his confusion about relationships too, when he was younger. Basically, guys in their 20s are mostly undatable. Then again, Robert seems fine.

I can’t wait to be back in Alex’s arms. To experience his love, and to love him <3

I woke up this morning and decided to send the exurb1a Instance 27 video to Sam.

He liked it 🙂

He asked me what I was doing today, I said I’d work a bit, then go for a walk if he wants to join me, and then help Ashley cook our big CNY dinner (for 14 ppl!)

He was keen to go for a walk with me. First time we spent alone time together was when we walked to the beach and he interviewed me. We had a lot of fun.

We met at the intersection, away from our apartment/house. It seemed like a secret encounter. It was fine by me because I didn’t want others to join us. Also, I have a bf and I don’t want to have to explain it.

Initially we said we’d hunt for costumes, but we quickly got bored. It was cold out at the time. No sun.

We went into Mojo and he had lunch while I had a smoothie. We sat upstairs and he read me the stories and poetry he wrote. Most of them are really funny. We laughed a lot. Gosh I had such a good time. It was perfect.

He told me he writes everyday, a lot of it recorded. He used to send that to his ex everyday when they were dating. Aw. I love the way he loves someone. I wish he was mine.

We talked about other people in the Tribe, the good and bad. We both pay a lot of attention to how people behave.

The sun came out so we went to the rocky beach and lied on some rocks. It was a rocky break water (different than last time). It was narrow. He lied down, and I lied down in the opposite direction with my head beside his head, and we talked. It was fun. I liked that a lot. He is so easy and fun to talk to. No friction. Just thoughtfulness.

I put a lot of effort into looking good this time, because it felt like a date. My mohawk is growing into shape now too. He wasn’t has witty today because he was hungover from techno night last night. He went with Ashley. I don’t think Ashley is a threat. I hope not. I think he likes just me.

On the way back, we walked side by side with our arms touching. Somehow we got to talk about sex. He asked me what kind of sex I like. When he talked about the more romantic, slow sex, he slightly stroked my arm….damn.

We talked about monogamy. He said he is a devoted monogamist if he is in a relationship, but if not then he doesn’t care. I sorta sensed that. He said he takes things slow if he is serious about it, then again sexual chemistry is important.

So far we agree on these important things.

We hugged goodbye. I made it a slightly longer and sexier hug. I really like him. 2 hours didn’t seem enough.

I went back to my bedroom and no one was there! I masturbated and took a nap.

I woke up at 5pm after a 2 hour nap, and went to help Ashley. She had been the mastermind behind this dinner.

I cut some chicken and fired some pot stickers. She did the rest.

We had eggplants with garlic, glassnoodles with prawns, chicken veggies stir-fry, and restaurant baught sweet and sour pork and satay beef. Plus fortune cookies, plus tom yum, plus a cake for Isadora’s birthday, plus lots of wine.

The meal was delicious! I was so glad that it turned out well. Kudos to Ashley.

We played a game called Disturbed Bunny or something like that. It was like cards against humanity except more gross. I sat beside Sam. I started the first card. Only Sam got my guess correct, of the 14 people. He was quite thrilled.

I always got his right and he always got mine right. Brittany and I won the game at 14 points.

He didn’t like the game too much though. At one point he said to me, “I’m gonna get nightmares! Can’t we just tell stories about Spacebunny and pterodactyls?” Aw. That’s cute.

All of us chatted a bit after dinner, and I decided to go home. Sam wanted to go too. At the door, he asked Ashley if we can see the pool. The three of us went on an adventure and found the pool on the 5th floor. It was beautiful!

Julia doesn’t want us to go, probably because of the noise, so we didn’t invite others. Ashley had to snuck into her house to get her swimsuit, while Sam pretended to have forgotten his earphones and came out with half a bottle of wine. I snuck out a towel. I felt bad leaving Robert behind.

We went back up and swam in our undies. Told stories. I was tired, but it was still fun.

Sam’s body is alright, but not amazing. But it’s always his sense of humour that wins anyway.

He is thicker. For some reason I thought I’d end up with someone thicker and less tall (He is 179.5cm). Also, I just remembered that my taro card with Cat predicted two goats/sheep. He is an Aries sheep.

Ashley was locked out so she came home with me.

I felt that Sam wanted to walk home with me alone. But that was fine. It was a short walk.

He’s been chatting with girls on Tinder and is going on dates soon. Sigh. I don’t like that. I want him to like me only.

I want him to tell me that he is into me. I want to tell him to wait for me, and I’ll wait for him. He is 26 now. When he is 30, he’ll be more mature.

He just seems to be everything I’ve been looking for. But he showed up too late. He was even born too late!

Once upon the time there was a bunny. She doesn’t grow a lot of fur, but she can sometimes grow a mohawk. So we’ll call her Mohawk Bunny.

Mohawk Bunny lives in a magical rain forest, where sushi grows on trees. One day, she met a blue-eyed bunny, who lives in a magnificent tree fort.

The Blue-eyed bunny says to Mohawk bunny, Come live in my tree fort! I’ll love you forever We’ll live happily ever after.

Mohawk Bunny says,

I didn’t feel hung over but felt meh today.

Woke up to myself in the bedroom. Pia was in Brian’s room and Brittany was with her Brit. I masterbated 4 times thinking about Alex and Sam.

Had breakfast at Nu with everyone. Sat beside Sam. But I didn’t feel as intimate with him for some reason. I think it’s the alcohol from last night. I’m learning about my body…I laugh a lot and am much more horny when slightly drunk. And I feelt tired and meh the next day.

We went back to co-cave to listen to Maria talk about PR. She did a decent job. But people didn’t like it too much. I was the most positive. Sam even talked about a way to present that is more concise (PechaKucha). Oh man.

At the end of the presentation, Julia wanted to talk about the weekend. Sam suddenly asked me if I ever fake my identity by putting on different wigs. Like, escaping a bad date etc. I kinda like that that was the question on his mind. I took the opportunity to show him my 6-shades of Tanya photo. He liked me in brown hair. Weird.

Ashley and I went grocery shopping for our big CNY dinner tomorrow. 12 ppl have signed up. I didn’t know how to cook for 12 people. Thankfully she knew better.

On the way back, a woman said I look stunning. Like an Olympic athlete. I like that hahah.

Went to Ashley’s to drop off groceries. Fell asleep in their gorgeous apartment on their comfortable couch.

But I know that Sam was at the main house, so I made myself come back to the main house.

I found him and Robert in the cave. He was on the phone with maybe a friend, being silly as ever. Robert was learning Croasian.

When Robert is around, I’m in platonic mode with Sam.

Robert went to get changed. Sam and I chatted for a bit. At the *exact* same time we said, “I fell asleep…”. It was so surreal like lip-syncing. “Where did you fall asleep?” he asked. On Ashley’s couch. Where did you fall asleep? On your couch. Haha.

He wanted me to tell him a story again. I said, “Again? Are you a story-holic?” He started acting like he had withdrawl symptoms, until I finally said, “Once upon the time…” He relaxed a bit…I paused….he started acting up again….”In a galaxy very close by….” he relaxed again. Then having symptoms again. Then I said, “The end!” He let out a sigh of relief like he just got his fix, and said it was the best story ever.

He is just so funny. I adore him.

I realize now that he is so funny because he is quick witted, and great at acting.

We ate at the Chicken Shop. We were all gonna go to the gym, but we took too long. We were gossiping about others. Apparently Andrew didn’t like anyone. Sam acted out Andrew. Then he acted out Lauren who just loves to Instagram. It was hilarious.

He said he wants to interview them for his EQ app. I asked who he had interviewed. He said just me and Robert. I’m surprised. No Michelle?

Sam asked if we are going to more chapters. I said I’ll probably have a very different life when I’m back. I’ll be building a home. Nesting.

I talked about Alex. How I think I’m supposed to learn patience with him. I mentioned that he has all five languages of love. I don’t know why I mentioned him like that. It’s as though I wanted to shut Sam off. But I don’t. I want to spend more time with him.

I did mention that if it didn’t work out I’ll keep his apartment. I mentioned the 31st floor, downtown, right by the beach. He said he’d like that. I thought for a moment about me and him living there.

It was already 4:30 and Robert can’t go to the gym anymore. Sam was still gonna go. I didn’t want to go with him. I just didn’t feel it. I wanted to take a nap.

Sam and some people are going to the networking event tonight. Sam called it speed networking. I hope he doesn’t meet anyone cute. I know he is on Tinder, and one profile said, “Average personality, great tits” AHHAHAA

I want him to myself. I want to be with him one day. For the rest of my life.

Alex wished me happy Valentine’s day and we face timed! He looked kinda frail still. And a bit old. But it was dark. It was good to see him. He was wearing a shirt that has a Chaos theory logo, and it said I <3 YB. I asked what it was, he said, I love your butt. Ahahah. Then he said it was I love you bunny. Awww. We talked on the phone for two hours. We kinda got into a small fight because he interrupted me, but we were ok. Later in the day when it was V day in his time zone, he wished me happy V day again. He’s cute and sweet <3

Merlijn’s boyfriend got her roses. He is in Australia! Robert got his gf flowers too. I was a bit jealous that other girls got flowers, but that’s ok.

I grabbed a cheap sushi lunch from MAKE and grocery-shopped with Berta at Woolworth’s.

I was working on the balcony when Sam showed up. What a surprise! Just when I thought he never wanted to spend alone time with me.

He was way too charming. He made me laugh so hard. He wanted to interview me for his EQ project, and pretended to offer me his water in return. I said something about how the water was not super seductive. He interpreted as he wasn’t seductive, and started doing seductive things to the water.

Julia was gonna join us but left. Maybe we were laughing too hard.

He said I was a very interesting person, different than most people. I said I thought the same of him. I said he was unusual. We were both loving that I think.

I said I needed half hour to do some work. He waited, sitting on the chair in front of me, smoking his vaporizer, and wrote in his notebook. He seemed like an old soul.

He was looking into the quote I mentioned yesterday that I couldn’t quite remember. Master of my faith, Captain of my soul. I was talking about Patrick’s tattoo. He recited the poem and really liked it.

Pia and Bryan decided to sit on the balcony with us. Brittany joined too. I asked Sam if he wanted to do the interview still. He said we needed privacy. So we went for a walk. Wow that was exactly what I wanted!

We walked to a break water that had some shade. He asked me questions like, how are you, what’s a good relationship, what’s a bad relationship.

After a while, I was asking him questions, and we were both lying down with our heads on my backpack as a pillow. It was great.

I asked him why his ex-gf said he wasn’t very human. I learned that he was in love twice. Once when he was 16, dated an 18 yo girl. She wasn’t very mentally stable. But was clever. Then when he was 24, dated a 33 yo. She was also clever. They’d have debates but those sometimes turned into fights.

She didn’t have an income, and Sam was supporting her with his income. They travelled around the world.

It sounded like she was a bad person. He got her a job interview, and she didn’t even turn up. He flew to Moscow to meet up with her, and she was late. Eventually she had a mental breakdown.

Sam sounded like a passionate boyfriend. My ideal kind of guy. Oh man, I want him so bad. He seemed perfect for me.

I wanted to be on his left side, as I always do. He teased me by “rolling” over to my left side. It was super cute. He just wanted me touch him I think.

Later in the night, we all arrived at The Bungalow for Maria’s going away. It was a pretty place where we can lounge. The food was mediocre but the vibe was great.

I was laughing a lot. I don’t think I was drunk. I had a pink gin and tonic, and a champagne. Later I had a jagger, and an amarula.

Sam came over at one point to talk to me. He had a black flake on his face again, so I scraped it off for him. It was from his vaporizer peeling off.

He wanted me to tell him a story. He lied down beside me. About a donkey he said. A 7-legged donkey. I told him the story of an 8-legged donkey taking a piss. Afterwards, one leg disappeared because it was a penis. He asked to be in the story. So I said then we pan down and see that the donkey was pissing into the mouth of a lobster. And he was the lobster. He laughed.

I thought that was a pretty clever story, because it combined many jokes we had. The elephant having a huge penis that retracts, the peeing into mouths, and the lobster.

It was just so cute that he wanted me to tell him a story. That was what I asked of him when we were hiking.

Ashley joined in on our conversation.

Later, just before we went clubbing, Michelle came. Sigh. That made things less fun for me. I didn’t watch them interact, but they were interacting.

Crista also came. I like her. She put glitter on my lips.

During clubbing, a guy came to dance with me. I thought I was just getting picked because I was pretty. I can see Sam watching on the side. It got weird for me so I wanted to get rid of him.

The guy proceeded to do the same to Maria. Not sure how she got rid of him.

Then it was Michelle. After a while, Same came over and rescued her by taking her hand and led her out. It was suave and cool. But I don’t understand why he only did it for her. It made me a little sad.

The guy came back to me again, and I just wanted to leave. Sam watched from the side. Ashley grabbed my hand and led us to where Sam was standing. I like her!

Later she rescued Merlijn too!

Today was a fun day, a great day, a day of many things I wished to happen. Except for the part where Sam rescued Michelle. I’m still puzzled by that one. I’m not certain if I wanted to know more.

I left early with Brian and Pia. Some guy took my hand and wanted my number. Brian took my hand back and said “She’s with me”. And said, “Yes that’s right I have two. That’s how I roll.” Haha

I wondered how Sam was doing after I left. Found out later that Sam missed his ex so much last night he messaged her. He didn’t have that much fun. Well, that’s better I think.

It was Monday (Feb 12th), day after our safari trip. I felt shitty with the knowledge of Sam and Michelle (not 100% confirmed…but still I felt like shit thiking about it). I had meant to write in my journal earlier in an attempt to sort my thoughts and to come up with a way to “balance” myself so I don’t feel so shitty. I didn’t know how.

The morning / afternoon was fun. Berta was trying to dodge Dan’s stickiness so she worked with me on the couch on the balcony. We turned the sofa around so we can charge of laptops from Brian’s room. She put her legs up on the wall, and I put my legs up on both sides of the door frame into Brian’s room. It was pretty hilarious.

Later in the afternoon, Sam, Robert, and Julia all came to work on the balcony. I was not in a good mood because Maria took my adaptor. But mainly, I felt weird still about Sam.

I was lying in bed using my phone, waiting for my laptop to charge, when he came through our bedroom. He just ignored me and kept going. How rude. I felt a heated tingling sensation in his presence. I thought I was gonna be more ok.

I got the adaptor that Pia lent me to work in the outlet that’s by my bed, so I decided to work from my bed. There was no space on the balcony left anyway.

I put on my headphone and noise-cancelled the shit out of the conversation on the balcony.

I thought abuot how he always had to leave soon after I get home, and wondered why the fuck he hadn’t left yet.

For dinner I suggested 3 wise monkeys. So some of us were going.

As Sam was leaving, he asked if I was ok. I didn’t know what to say. Besides, there were people on the balcony! I just said yes. He said, are you sure? I said yes.

I was getting ready for dinner, so I asked if he was coming. Surprisingly he said yes. He just needed to go home to change.

We went to dinner. I was excited about having the poke bowl again! I really didn’t expect Sam to come. He was late, but he came! Without Robert being there even.

I did dress nicely in my turquoise wrap skirt just in case. Also I didn’t wear a wig, because on the weekend I noticed him staring at me for the first time when I wasn’t wearing a wig.

He sat beside me. We chatted a bit in private. It was clear that he was there for me.

After dinner, he awkwardly asked if anyone wanted to go for a stroll along the water. I knew he just wanted to ask me but was afraid to do it. So of course, everyone wanted to go for a stroll. Hahaha.

But it ended up being just the two of us talking while lagging behind. He asked me intimate things like love, boyfriend. He told me intimate things about himself too, like how his girlfriend broke up with him a year ago because he wasn’t human enough.

We laughed a lot and I was hot for him again. He grabbed my arms at one point and pretended to put me on a segway as we joked about stealing it. I know for sure that my skin is unusually smooth and touching it is a turn-on.

It felt like a date. I wish we’d get some alone time often.

Because Kent was around, we ended up at the Press. I wish we could just keep walking some more. We talked more as Kent was busy talking to Dan. But then Robert showed up. It was fun having him though.

Sam confessed that he gets bored easily, and is narcoleptic where he sometimes falls asleep. It does get annoying though, how he would stop listening to people half way and start checking on his phone or doing other things.

But that night I had his unattention. I can’t believe it was happening. It felt great.

I came home very confused and turned on.

He seems to really like me, but he does not want to spend alone time with me.