Today I was extra frustrated. Artsy was home and Briana was screaming while I took a nap. Atomic bike shop guy didn’t listen to me when I told him how to put the bike in. He ended up scratching the inside of my car. Fuck. It made me so mad.
Bunny was gonna call me when he was done skating, but he didn’t.
I talked to Mom on the phone and felt better.
Called him at 10:30. He told me that he called 3 times at around 8:40. Somehow I didn’t receive these calls. I was somehow more furious, because he didn’t try whatsapp.
We had a long talk for over an hour. I was mad at him and wanted to break up for real this time.
He didn’t really resist. He said if that’s what I want. He doesn’t want more anger in his life.
We talked more and my effort to make him feel less sad about his financial situation right now just made him feel even worse.
It was just all around terrible.
We said good night eventually. Not on bad terms, but, I really really need to break up with him this time.
I’ll want to change my mind, I know. But remember:
- How lonely I felt when he came over and sat on the balcony alone
- How unchallenged I felt when he does not reply with witty comebacks
- How unfunny I felt when he does not laugh at my jokes
- How uninspired I felt when he kept going in circles about his woes, can’t cheer up, rejected everything I said.
- How stressed I felt trying to help his visual migraine problem
- How angry I felt when he tells a “funny” story and it is about some car driver being an asshole
- How unimportant I felt when he never wanted to hangout for longer than 3 hours, and always put skating and his friends first
- How sad I felt when, nothing I did seem to help him feel better
- How alienated I felt when he didn’t want to talk about the bad, and couldn’t communicate very well at all.
- How unromanced I felt, when he didn’t remember our anniversary, didn’t celebrate my birthday, didn’t do anything proactive for Valentine’s Day.
This relationship is really not worth it for me anymore.
Sex was getting better, and he is very hot, butttttt
It’s gotten to a point where, I’m better off just masturbating and not have to deal with the other shit he brings into my life.
It’ll be tough, not having a Bunny to call at night. Not having reliable sex. Sigh. But I need to do this.
I hope his life gets better. I hope he finds a great girlfriend.
I hope I find a great boyfriend.