Month: May 2022

Brian asked today if any of us ever considered making $100M a year in revenue.

Ronnie says it’s doable if you are focused and have a great team.

Billy doesn’t think it’s possible.

Skye thinks it seems like a lot and wondered if it’s worth persuing.

I think it’s definitely doable but we have to be clear on the Why.

In this discussion I came to realize that, the pursuit of success for me is just mainly being able to:

1. Make friends with smart and interesting people doing interesting things
2. Live free

 

I’m finally healed after 2 weeks of being sick!

It’s good to be alive again.

But on Tuesday after going into the office and hugging Nicole and Alyssa, I felt a bit tire and had a bit of a sore throat.

Lana wants to hang out but I don’t really want to, in part because I don’t want to be sick again. Also she is uninspiring. And I don’t like her voice. She is smart and very nice though. And the only person who wants to hang out, aside from Nicole.

I want more friends that I like spending time with. And a boyfriend that I like spending time with. There’s a pattern here!

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I think I must’ve gotten so sick in part because I was heart broken over Alex. 3 months of fun, 3 months of suffering.

Yesterday I still cried I think, but today I didn’t. I haven’t been thinking about him much.

Memories of him is fading. I don’t want to forget what it’s like to feel excited, to be turned on, to be in love….but, I need to bury this for now so I can live my life.

Honestly I don’t feel that there’s anything exciting these days…again going through existential crisis.

What is the point of anything?

Connections? Cyndi has so much fun with her friends in Creston. But listening to her talking about going to a music festival – it just doesn’t seem that fun. Feels like pointless, superficial activities.

I do like my ECF Vancouver friends though. They are funny and smart. Nice to me too.

Relationship? I’m trapped in this lifeless relationship with John. I’m just here to support him emotionally. Every time we talk I feel annoyed or more depressed.

Before Alex and I got intimate, when we were in Montreal, I had fun hanging with him I remember. And I didn’t miss John at all. After we got intimate, every moment we spent together was AMAZING.

If in this life I’m here to play, why am I not playing? Why am I always stuck with the boring ppl that I don’t want to spend time with? I wish I was a magnet for smart, funny, inspiring people! People who make me feel good.

Those people don’t seem to want to hang out with me…

Maybe need to work on my charm? Or just be a more interesting person?

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Recently I’ve been practicing Monster, the dance by XiaoTangYuan. Almost there. Once I got all the moves down, I’ll then work on the cool factor.

This dance has been hard. After getting most of it, I now play it off my big TV to learn. It’s pretty great!

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The magic wand was indeed magical! The satisfyer didn’t have very noticeable suction.

The magic want literally rubbed one (several) out of me, when I didn’t think horny thoughts and didn’t think it can do anything for me.

It’s not the same as making love though. There’s no soul in it.

And all the porn online sucks.

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling a little overwhelmed maybe. Faced with too many decisions.

1. Who to hire and from where?
2. What to work on next in order to grow?
3. Agency or in-house?

Growth options:

1. Option to gold fill everything
2. Add Amazon Custom listings
3. Create many cityscape designs and list on all marketplaces

Agency or in-house:

1. Facebook – Mint CRO
2. Amazon – Jeremy’s SOP
3. Return software to reduce VA workload? (So they can work on Amazon PPC and Facebook Ads? Manage influencers?)

Hiring:

1. Faster engraving machine or hire a part time engraver?
   1. Faster engraving machine for now. Test it out. We’ll have pre-engraved SCFs arriving in mid June.
2. Social media content creator – hire locally or hire someone online?
   1. Upwork or Fiverr with FB ads experience is probably best
3. Generalist – what can they help with? Email newsletter, post blogs

Hire 1 – Copywriter / Influencer and Community manager:

Great writer and copywriter.
Great communicator – fun, compassionate
Can bring a community together (customers, influencers)
Nice to have: Can manage VAs
Maybe someone in their late 20s, female. Doesn’t have to be located in Vancouver, but if they are, can talk to hire 2 better.

They will be doing these tasks:

1. Blogging – 10 hours a month
2. Copy writing (ads) – on-going project if we are doing it in house – 4 hours a month
3. Write and send out newsletters – 10 hours a month
4. Website content – on-going project, nice to have, 4 hours a month
5. Manage customer community; lead/train VAs to manage the community and customer service – 8 hours a month
6. Manage influencer community (VAs can handle more of the details perhaps) – 30 hours a month
7. Schedule posts, blog posts – 4 hours a month
8. Misc – talk to hire 2 – 2 hours a month

72 hours a month (3.6 hours a day)

$1800 if at $25/hour

$2160 if at $30/hour

This is a part time position.

Hire 2 – Branding / Artist with sense of marketing / Photographer / Videographer :

Social media, ads, and SEO content (videos, images):

1. Someone who understands the audience and how to attract the audience
2. Someone with great artistic sense and brand sense, so they can take good photos and videos
3. Someone who can evaluate influencers’ content – what we can use and what needs improvement, what we can’t use

Tasks:

1. Take product / hand-model photos and videos of new collection for website product listings and blog
2. Come up with content ideas and strategies, and take on-model / lifestyle photos and videos for social media, ads – using their own hands? Work with local influencers?
3. Talk to Hire 1 about which types of influencers to target
4. Discuss marketing / copywriting content ideas with Hire 1

For each new collection of 10 items:

1. Marketing ideation and strategy – 2 hours
2. Take product shots – 4 hours
3. Post ops of product shots – 8 hours
4. Coordinate and prep lifestyle photoshoot – 4 hours
5. On-model shots / lifestyle shots – 8 hours
6. Post ops of lifestyle shoot – 8 hours
7. Misc – 2 hours

4.5 days, or 36 hours ($900 if $25/h)

If we do 2 collections a month, that’s a part time position.

It can also be a contract position.

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Hire 3 (or maybe Hire 2 or VA can do this):

1. Create listings required images (for all platforms), or ask graphic designer to do it
2. Create listings (Amazon, Etsy, Shopify)

Can the above be automated, optimized, etc?

I dreamt that Alex and I rekindled our relationship.

I was in my office. We had several computers. Someone had designed a game… They left a bag of M & Ms on each computer.

I opened mine up. Whichever colour I had the most of, I’m supposed to use that as the next instruction.

I opened mine up, and it had these extra large, flat, round M & Ms in blue, yellow, maybe green too.

As a result I was supposed to build some kind of computer on a wall.

I grabbed the M & Ms and started heading out.

Cut to: Me being with Alex.

He asked what I have been up to. I asked what he’s been up to. He said I asked you first. We laughed. The vibes were great.

It was night time. He held me in his arms as he was walking. I was at a 45 degree angle in his arms, and sort of weightless because my feet were not really dragging on the ground.

It was a comfortable, safe, happy feeling, being in his arms, being outside at night.

Because of my angle, I can see the night sky. Suddenly I saw a spaceship!

“Whoa! A spaceship!” I exclaimed wide-eyed in disbelief. It really had the shape of a spaceship!

But then as it descends and banked in a certain way, I realized it was a car. In fact, “Oh it’s a bus!”

I recognized it from the purple yellow red multi-coloured fabrics that buses have. It was pretty funny.

The bus landed and a bunch of black guys hopped out. They were nice.

---

I woke up feeling pretty happy and a bit horny. I imagined making out with Alex for a bit.

I’m happy to have a fun dream finally!

Maybe I can have a relationship with Virtual Alex. Dream Alex. He is sweet.

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Yesterday when I was on the phone with John, for some reason my mood just turned sour. Is it me or him?

He just went on and complained about something, and didn’t ask me about my day. I rolled my eyes and thought, I was in a better mood before I got on the phone with him!

That’s the thing. 90% of the time I feel shittier after talking to him or seeing him.

That’s why I’m miserable.

How I want to be in a relationship with someone I love spending time with! Someone who makes me happier instead of sadder.

That was Alex. He brightened me up so much.

John is non-responsive to my jokes. Repeats a lot. Complains a lot.

To be fair, I’m not great to him either.

He was telling about investing in Monkeypox. He wanted to go all in. I rolled my eyes. He said these types of events will happen more often now. Agreed. He asked me to guess how much 4 million growing (10 times?) 10 times would generate. I rolled my eyes hard. I said it’s very unlikely he’ll win the bet 10 times in a row. If he loses it all, we don’t get to play again. It’s important to be able to keep playing. Invest half, ok.

Sometimes I worry about the soundness of his mind. So far he always turned out to be fairly smart and right. But, he did invest all his money into that scam, so he’ll never have enough street cred for having good judgement.

Maybe I should try to see him less. Maybe move away for a month to a tropical area and then break up.

Can I even move away though?

With Monkeypox on the horizon…it’s possible that we’ll continue to be stuck in Canada. It’s really crazy.

The craziest part is that Monkeypox was predicted 14 months ago by NTI.org, in a pandemic table exercise paper. In March 2021, they wrote about a fictional outbreak called monkeypox, with first confirmed case on May 15, 2022, in a fictional country, Brinia. In reality, the first confirmed case was on May 7, in Britain. Oh and NTI has a vaccine research and it’s funded by Bill Gates.

Are we just playing a script?

How can the world be not all over on this?

Is this even a real reality?

After placing about $200 worth of sex toys – 3 dildos that are about Alex’s girth, and 2 top selling sex toys (1 sucking vibrator and 1 massage wand), I was craving for some dick-in-the-vag feeling. But the toys will take about a week to arrive. So I dug out my sucking vibrator that I didn’t like very much.

I searched for “porn for girls”, and finally found some more sensual tit sucking porn.

I used the dildo part of the vibrator. It wasn’t the shape I wanted, but it still did something. I looked for my g-spot with it, and felt a bit turned on.

But just as I felt a bit more turned on, I suddenly remembered Alex more and more. And I burst into tears before I can cum.

I cried and napped.

I woke up feeling pretty ok. My bed is comfy, my organics bamboo sheets are comfy. I’m lucky. Oh and I get to enjoy this beautiful place, having it all to myself. I’m definitely very lucky.

I decided to finish where I started. Second attempt at an orgasm.

I found another porn clip. I masturbated and got one, then I grabbed the dildo to try to continue. Then, as I was getting heated, again I burst into tears.

I finished crying, wiped my tears and blew my nose, then continued my day.

I danced for a while. Got all sweaty. It was quite good.

Now I’m in the second bedroom typing this out, enjoying the desk I had built last month, before it got too hot in here. Such foresight! It’s nice and cool in here, with a gentle breeze and the view of my (hopefully still alive) bamboos 🙂

Back to Alex.

What’s to do?

Oh, I should mention, this morning I went for a walk to Canada Place. It’s the first day of the year that I went without a wig. Shaved my head to a pretty full mohawk yesterday.

Didn’t wear a bra. Who am I trying to impress. Haha

Though I think I would’ve been more willing to run if I did wear a bra. Next time.

Beautiful sunny day. Perfect temperature. Just breathing the air in was so relaxing!

There were so many cruise ship tourists! Great.

Enjoy this before the next pandemic hits! Monkeypox is on the horizon.

There were 2 favourite moments:

1. On Hamilton and West Pender, it looked as though something gold had exploded and littered the sidewalk with glitter. In the sun, the pavement just shimmered like a road to heaven. It was beautiful!
2. The water fountain by the pizza place is ON! I walked around it hoping to see a rainbow. Sure enough, there were several! Even a double rainbow!

It was such a pleasant walk. I didn’t run like I had expected, but it was so refreshing and re-energizing and centreing 🙂

Some thoughts:

1. Ask Anh about Facebook demographics we can target, and then design ring for them
2. Ask Ty to allow different fonts & small white space, big white space, and vertical padding

From the book Flow, some clusters of people would move every 2o to 30 years so they can feel useful/alive again. We naturally become stagnant. So, same is true for people we are in long term relationships with. Maybe we need to part ways for a little while. Maybe we need to rotate partners. Maybe just end and start anew?

The problem with these clusters of people who restart every couple of decades is inscalability in size and depth. When the population is large, this won’t work. When the civilization is deep (sophisticated) with complex infrastructure such as skytrains and highrises, this won’t work. So in terms of a nation, how do you stay fresh? In terms of a person, how do you stay fresh?

China builds on existing cities, expand its region, start new cities, demolish non-thriving ones.

As a person, we an grow together with our partner, do deeper things together (have kids, start biz together, move around the world, travel, etc), have more partners, end relationships that don’t work.

Yes! The goal is flow. The goal is elevating ourselves (another theme in the book). Glow up.

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I came across an IG ad for “removing your limiting beliefs”.

Wasn’t able to buy it easily so I didn’t.

I googled what it takes to remove limiting beliefs. More importantly:

1. What are my limiting beliefs?
2. What new ones to instill?

I thought, if I were to design the course, I’d do this:

1. Find examples that support the beliefs I want to create
2. Burn them to memory
3. Find some mantras / affirmations
4. Repeat them often

Suddenly I remember that Tony Robbins pretty much taught me that. He also added:

1. Think of how life would be in 5 years if I continue with this limiting belief
2. Go deep on the pain and sadness from that
3. Find ridiculous examples that support the limiting beliefs
4. Affirm that they are ridiculous
5. Do the opposite for the new beliefs I want to instill on myself

So, what are my limiting beliefs?

What are some news ones I want to instill?

Old: This guy is the best guy I’ll ever meet. There won’t be more like him.

New: Abundance over scarcity. The old paves way for the new. And if the old is not gone, the new cannot come. I have learned some cool things about relationship from my time with Alex. Now that he is gone, I’ll be able to explore new and better guys. Guys who will make me laugh, make me think, have amazing sex with, reply on, trust, and are emotionally so mature that they will be able to have conversations with me to work through anything. 

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After talking to Mark about it being pointless to get attention on IG, I decided to make my profile private.

No point in making my IG pretty or glamorous just because that’s the IG style. What does that give me? Impressing strangers so creepy guys slide into my dm?

Let’s not let the platform decide who we are.

I like to share deeper thoughts. Share rawer photos. Share what’s really going on with my life. After all, that’s the only reason why I post. It’s just so my friends know what’s going on in my life. So we are not completely out of touch. Basically, I guess I want to use it like how I use Facebook…

 

I’m legit going insane over Alex.

Yesterday I was consumed by the idea that maybe prolotherapy has permanently damaged John. I felt so much guilt.

I also felt so much guilt for saying to John that I have never been so bored and lonely in a relationship. It’s true…but…he is sick.

Today, I took it easy with work. Didn’t work at all today. Didn’t watch TV either.

I went rollerblading. Took a nap in the sun. Read Flow in the sun, naked. Made a black bean brownie. Danced a bit to XiaoTangYuan, trying to learn his moves.

It’s a pretty good day really.

As I was reading naked, I got a bit horny. I checked out PornHub and masturbated to something that barely did it for me.

I like videos of guys thoroughly enjoying a woman’s tits. I like good looking guys with toned bodies. I like the moments leading up to that first touch. None of the above is common in porn.

Sigh.

After a very mediocre orgasm, I took a look at these guys’ dicks. They were all pointy with smallish heads. No one has a healthy mushroom cap like Alex’s dick.

Wow. Is it that rare?

I decide to find myself a dildo that feels like his dick. I was looking for 5.5″, but realized that his girth is closer to 4.5″ which is more common in 6.5″ dildos. Maybe that’s why it feels so good. I picked ones with “real skin” technology, and a good sized lip (the closest I can find to resemble the mushroom cap).

As I shopped for an Alex-like dick, I felt sad for myself and cried again.

Sigh.

I want him so bad. I miss him so bad. Words can’t describe my constant sadness and withdraw.

I fantasized scenarios of us meeting up by chance. But none was realistic. The truth is, I’m unlikely to ever see him again. Just like with Matthew, Josh, Patrick, or anyone I have ever slept with.

I never ran into them again. And I wouldn’t want to.

To be fair, I did meet up with them, all of them, for a second time. And each time it ended badly.

If I ever do have a second chance with Alex, I’m almost certain it’ll end badly. Unless it’s decades from now, when we are both more sorted and manture.

My heart, body, mind, and soul crave him so badly. I can’t imagine being attracted to anyone else. Any other body type. It’s SO strange that this happened. I never would’ve thought, in a million years, that I’d be so into him.

I really hope I find love one day, with someone I feel as attracted to as I am to Alex these days.

And that this guy would be as into me too.

We would have the same physical and chemical compatibility as Alex and I. Except we’ll also be able to build a lasting relationship with no walls, no pretence. Just our vulnerable selves. With any emotional baggage sorted, or can be sorted together. And we’ll have so much love, respect, admiration, adoration, and compassion for each other.

Most importantly, we’ll be having so much fun together! Like two funny happy children! Except we also have amazing sex.

What’s it like?

 

I woke up this morning with a realization.

The co-founder of Charisma on Command, he talked about his ayahuasca experience one time.

He said that he can’t get over this ex that he broke up with. During his ayahuasca experience, he met his inner child. They went over the girls in his life and his inner child didn’t like any of them, but the ex. He asked why. His inner child said, “She lets me play.” He realized that he has always been working so hard and had such high expectations of himself. He did a charity, and was a bit disappointed in the results. This ex, she called him up and was almost in tears because of how proud of him she was. It’s like, she is more lenient to his inner child. She is proud of him. And that is what made it so hard for him to get over her.

I think about what Alex means to me and why it’s been so hard to get over him. He fulfills a certain need…a playmate who is non-judging, agreeable, fun, funny, so great in bed, gives me undivided attention, does interesting things, does hard things, is smart, has my respect…

Oh who am I kidding….it’s hard to get over him because he is just perfect for me. As perfect as it gets.

But I can’t be that for him. What does his inner child want?

I think his inner child is far more hurt and scarred than I ever realized. I probably could’ve explored that aspect more, and be someone that is harder for him to let go…

But, things happen for a reason. Some things are just not meant to be, at least, not right now.

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I fell asleep today, holding my white fuzzy blanket. When I woke up to this position, I felt like it was the most comfortable position I’ve been in since I last cuddled with Alex.

Ugh. I hadn’t cried today. But now I feel like crying.

We are physically perfect for each other. That, is undeniable.

When we cuddled, it was like two pieces of puzzles fitting perfectly together.

I started writing this mainly just to write down how I feel a bit better now…but, writing about him makes me miss him so much again. Yesterday I noticed that I was missing him throughout the day, every 5 minutes or so. I’d try to divert my attention, like when someone meditating trying to divert from thoughts….

I think about him so much part of me feels so tired. My brain feels so inflamed, from being sick still, and from thinking about him over and over again. They say an inflamed brain can’t get stop thinking about the same song again and again. Maybe that’s what it is. Alex is my song.

I think about him extra much when I’m in bed, because that’s when we spent most of our time. So many good memories.

Oh Alex, do these good times we have really not mean enough for you to stay? Or do they hurt so much that you had to get away?

Either way, I don’t have you. I hate that.

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I don’t have anyone to talk to about Alex. That’s ok, Talking doesn’t help anyway. I’m writing this down here and that’s enough for me. I mean, even this is not really helping me feel better. It just brings up my sadness. Sometimes I don’t write about these thoughts for exactly this reason.

Cyndi is the only person I can talk to about this. But, what’s the point. I’m tired of talking to her about it.

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It’s hard to imagine that I’m feeling so much about a person and the person can feel very little about me. I mean, I don’t know how much Alex misses me, but, the idea that he can very well be not missing me at all is very hard to grasp.

I mean, I wanted to spend all my time with him while he wanted to get away from me. That alone came as a shock.

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I can manifest. Can I manifest us being together? They always say you can’t make someone love you. And honestly he is so tricky to understand. If he was back into my life, I know for sure I’d be spending time worrying about losing him. So, I guess not. The better thing is to attract a secure attachment person into my life, who makes me laugh and orgasm hard, is super compatible with me, makes me happy, kind, loving, enjoys touching me, all of that…

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John has been quite likeable lately. Strangely, even if he did become someone who makes me laugh, he doesn’t have the physical compatibility with me, so I know we’ll never work.

Alex’s dick is special. And our chemistry is special. And our size and shape are so insanely compatible. Now that I’ve had it, I don’t think I can settle for less.

Anyway, back to John. He’s been sick because of me, but he isn’t mad at me…he just says it’s ok. He’s checking in on me daily on how I’m doing, making me feel a bit better when I feel stressed.

He got in touch with his childhood friend Sorell, and this one seems like a good one. I hope their friendship strengthen. Sorell is starting a second weed company with Gary Payton. I hope John gets rich from it, and be free of money worries.

It would be really nice if John gets a great friend and lots of money from this. Sometimes it seems like he is even better at manifesting than me!

The main thing though, is his health. He started seeing someone who is similar to Steve Reed. This one could be it! I really hope so.

I can only be free if he is feeling better. So dear God, please help him!

If I can manifest health and love, I’d want to manifest health and wealth for John, then love for me, then more health and wealth and love for me and him and Mom.

 

 

 

If I can wish for anything right now, it would be a zest for life.

I feel kind of dead inside.

Been sick for 10 days now, and that’s definitely a large part to feeling dead.

I lounge around, watch TV, do the infinite IG scroll, feel stressed about not hiring anyone and not being productive.

But mostly…I feel that I’m going crazy because I’m still crying about Alex everyday.

What does this mean?

Does mean we have something special and we are connected? That he is also feeling very sad about losing me?

Or is it one sided? Only I feel extremely sad? It’s possible but unthinkable.

Or am I just going through some kind of big hormonal shift?

Or am I just going insane?

I think I tend to be more optimistic during the day. At night when I masturbate, I try to not think about him. But inevitably I would.

Actually there was one time in the past three days I didn’t cry. I kept saying, “I love you” and filled my heart with love.

He still follows me on IG and the story view showed that he’s watched my stories.

Why does he that? It’s comforting to see that he still follows me and watches my stories, but, does he not suffer when he watches my stories? I blocked all his activities. I cannot bear to know anything that’s happening in his life.

Keep telling myself that even if we were together I’d suffer anyway, because he isn’t the type of guy that I can count on. Oh but how I wish I can experience all the fun with him, being a part of his world, his fun life.

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Watched the movie About Time. Wow. The first half was kind of boring. The second half made me cry so hard.

If I can go back in time, I’d relive each of my moments with Alex. I’d be happy, knowing I have that at my finger tips always. In a sense I’d always have him.

Then if that gets boring, I might make bigger changes. Maybe seeing if saying something will keep our relationship going ’til my birthday. Maybe never tell him that I had a boyfriend and see how much he’d fall for me and how long we’d last.

Then if I can figure out how to make our relationship last, then maybe go back in time to become single and really date him.

Oh, all the fun a person can have just by being able to go back in time repeatedly. I’d get so good at life!

Definitely easy to make money.

Definitely easy to be a successful entrepreneur.

Can live out multiple life scenarios.

Can improve the same life scenarios.

It’s funny how, I’d want to keep this memory I have with him, especially the northern lights evening. If I had this power in my 20s, I probably wouldn’t have progress in such a way that I’d ever meet him.

Of course the best way to optimize such an ability is to live out my life, then go back in time to make incrementally bigger changes.

The biggest change might be to go back to when I first lost my hair, and just be a more well-adjusted, confident person right away.

Been sick since last Sunday. 7 days now.

On the 4th day I thought I was gonna be 100%, but it seems like my flu turned into a cold, and I am now having a stuffy head and a stuffy nose, the past 3 days.

John is sick too, since Tuesday. He’s always unwell so it’s hard to tell how sick he is.

I feel, so sad.

I don’t know exactly why.

I still think about Alex everyday. My memory of him is not very clear anymore, but the emotional intensity is still just as strong sometimes.

I don’t know how to get over him. I don’t know how to get over this feeling of loss….

I think I’m grieving. Grieving for the loss of that feeling of love. How much I loved him, how much I feel loved by him. I miss the laughing, talking, singing, holding hands, holding each other, kissing, making love. I miss every moment that we had together, Every. Moment.

I’m sad that this is gone. I’m sad that I’m STUCK with John.

I want to be free from John. But I want to be free because he is well. Healthy and financially sound and happy. But when will that time come?

Meanwhile I’m not in the mood to look for someone. I just want to have very good friends and expand from there.

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John just called me as I was writing the above and balling my eyes out incredibly hard.

Ironically, I was happy that he called. I gathered myself together so it didn’t seem like I’ve been crying, and called him back.

He asked how I was doing.

There are definitely good qualities about him.

He is mentally stable. He reaches out to me. He doesn’t get mad or overly upset at me. He didn’t blame me for getting him sick. I can trust that he won’t ghost or run away on me.

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I looked up the stages of grief. Because, I know that losing hair is a grieving process. Losing Alex must be too.

I think I’m in the depression stage.

The next would be acceptance.

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In the realm of what’s possible, what would I want to happen right now?

I was thinking about travelling to a tropical place with a fun group of people including Cyndi and Ty. Ah, how sad that even that is fantasy? Can’t travel abroad right now, Cyndi lives far away with no money, Cyndi and Ty are no longer together, and Ty is not into travelling atm (and even if he is, he is going to Argentina with his childhood friends).

Build my own friend group. I have so few friends.

I need to focus on building a friend group!

I keep saying that. I need to act on it!

Criteria:

1. Want to hang out
2. Can hang out (has time)
3. Smart
4. Fun
5. Reliable
6. Bonus: Inspiring

When I’m recovered from this flu/cold, I’m gonna…well, I guess I need to get my biz back on track first, hire the people I need to hire, visit mom….then eventually get to having friends…

I guess the 1 thing I can do is to sign up for dance.

And reach out to the girl who owns a tea shop who is in Life Hack Tribe.

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John is not so bad. He isn’t needy. He is kind and stable. He is trying. He is handsome.

I am not stopped by him to go out and meet people. So really, I need to just do that. Go out and meet people. He is my indoor night time cuddle buddy. Don’t ask for more, don’t expect more, and don’t let it stop me from making friends and finding my soulmate.

Alex is far from ideal. His mood swings at the slightest gust of wind. Same with his reliability and responsibleness. I would never have felt safe with someone like that.

So, I need to stop fantasizing about being together in any capacity. He’ll just disappoint and hurt.

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Remember, the best is yet to come.

Remember, I can manifest 🙂