Month: March 2017

Soooo….for my birthday, Jeffrey took me to Miku, which was super nice of him.

He was so sweet. Picked me up. He had suggested two places, and I picked Toshi. But we couldn’t make a resos there, and the wait was huge, so he suggested other places. He asked what do I really want. I said sushi, and thought of Minami and Miku. He called them up, while driving(!), and found two spots left at Miku, at the bar. He was pretty good at handling this.

He was such a gentleman. He kept saying how beautiful I was, kept saying thank you for letting me spend time with you on your birthday.

We had amazing sake and sushi. Came back to my place.

Oh then he gave me my presents: a succulent plant I called Bubbles, a air/body spray, and a moss scented candle. He was running around Yaletown looking for a gift for me earlier that day. He was just the sweetest.

We made out on the love seat. I asked him if I can take my wig off. I did and he said I look so beautiful.

We kissed more, then went to the bedroom. He was just so amazed by my body. He ate me out a bit. Then, he got naked too. Holy shit. He was HUGE. The hugest I’ve ever seen.

I was worried that his dick would be crooked, like Norm’s. That’d turn me off. But it was pretty straight. Not perfectly straight, but pretty straight.

I’ve never held such a big dick. It felt like a muscle.

He was surprised when I said I wanted to suck on it. Like no one has offered lol.

Then we put on a heat and ice condom, and had sex. He felt good inside, especially doggy style. He wasn’t as good when I lied down on my belly. Matthew was flexible, so maybe he was able to thrust better in that position.

But doggie style felt really good. He wasn’t too big for me. I was really wet and he loved it.

He loved my body too. My ass. He said I was the most beautiful person he’s been with. He is so great.

After sex, I asked how soon before he can go again. He said, with you, right away. Haha! I’m surprised he is like this at age 39!

We had sex 3 times. Sorta…he didn’t cum the second time. We went to bed and had sex again around 7am. So 4 times! Impressive.

He said it was everything he hoped for and more.

His balls hang low and are kind of huge. But I can get used to them.

He doesn’t have much of a waist line, but he has no belly! That was surprising. A hint of abs even! He just has a thick upper body, and no ass. His legs are nice and toned.

I had to work a little bit at night. He said he’ll be where I am. That was really cute. I decided to work in bed.

I showed him some behind the scene things on Amazon. He got really tired though. He has some meetings the next day, training 50 ppl over skype. These 50 ppl will train the ppl in 50 offices. That’s kinda cool, that his role is so high up.

He was so sweet, cuddling me to sleep. He said he can’t wait to wake up next to me.

I thought we were restless throughout the night. I felt that I hardly slept, and every time I woke, I thought he woke too. But he said he slept fine!

I liked the 4th time the most, because it was without a condom. He felt really nice in me. I liked watching him in the mirror. His side profile was hot.

All in all sex with him was pretty good. I watched him get dressed, then I got dressed. I didn’t wear makeup. Hope he still found me attractive. At the door he was checking out my ass in the mirror.

He sent me a photo of me from Miku later on, and said I was “da best”. It’s the second time he’s said that.

He really is a sweet guy. An unusual one.

I am into him. But I wish I was more into him.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe my expectations are too high for a boyfriend. I feel that we don’t “connect” at a deeper level.

He is smart, but as far as I can tell, not very smart. I think he is funny, but somehow I notice I don’t have a ton of fun hanging out with him (such as at the aquarium). We have no chat chemistry… his chat manner is weird to me. He uses weird emoticons.

I do like him though. He is sincere, genuine, and has good principles. He is a good guy. Such a rare one.

And yes I still think about Jeff. And, I actually still cried today. Jeffrey doesn’t message me often. I miss how Jeff was. I miss the funny conversations we had.

Saw him on my phone again in the “online now” section, even though we aren’t friends. Stupid FB.

Thought about how, if he didn’t message me back then, he definitely wouldn’t message me now. How could he be like this. I thought we were special.

Masha said that she thought she met her soulmate more than once. They turned out not to be.

I hope Jeffrey and I do fall in love. I hope we have that deep connection that I’ve been seeking. He is so great in so many ways….

 

 

Third date with Jeffrey. We did yoga, looked at old China and old furniture, picked up my mug at 4Cats.

Not sure how to feel.

He works very slowly, unlike any other guy.

—

Well, that was how far I got before getting distracted and checked out what Capricorns are like. They move very slowly, yes. “Don’t be surprised if you get a peck on the sixth date,” these sites say.

I messaged to thank him for the fun day. He messaged back saying thank YOU, and that I was good company.

Overall I was left very confused. I thought we’d kiss by this date. I thought he’d say something about seeing me bald for the first time today.

I slept for a few hours. Yoga was tiring!

Then talked to Mom about how I didn’t know what to think about my date with Jeffrey, and my doubts.

He likes old and old fashioned things. I like new and futuristic things.

Though, I thought he was smarter than my first impression of him. And, he seemed like he could potentially be a good complement to me. He is supportive, interested in my biz (and asked good questions). Even though he isn’t an entrepreneur, he is interested in starting a biz. At the same time he has a stable, well-paying job, doing what he is really good at. His bonus was $21K in stocks! Plus he gets $500 every 3 months to eat anywhere in Yaletown. That’s pretty cool.

I thought he was funny, and I like his personality. He talks to strangers easily, has no qualms about trying things like yoga, and is optimistic and kind.

Before going to bed, I messaged to wish him a fun day at Whistler.

—

Today, I woke up late, and was sore. I had to lie down a couple times. I was horny. Had some good orgasms. It felt weird. It felt like I had real sex.

Orgasms are pretty amazing. Different feeling all the time.

He didn’t message me all day. I figured it’s because he was busy skiing.

But later in the evening, he msg’d back. Said he didn’t go skiing. He spent the day unpacking instead. Suddenly I felt kinda shitty. Why the heck didn’t he message me all day? He mentioned getting more matches on Bumble…I thought for certain he went on a date today.

I said to myself I don’t want to date anyone anymore. I thought about how silly it was to think about messaging my friends to say nice things about me to Jeffrey, when they meet him at my bday party.

I prepped myself a bath with Himalayan salt, baking soda, and some essential oils, and listened to Louise Hay, to cheer myself up.

I felt so sad. I wanted him to like me. But he is a good catch. He has lots of options. Fair enough that he’d go on more dates. Maybe my baldness scared him away?

I swiped a few more guys, chatted with a guy on OKC.

I felt better after the bath, and I saw 3 messages from him. He said he wanted to let me know that I was DA BOMB. Hmm….plot twist!

He said he felt that we should’ve kissed…but he thought it might’ve been weird. He said I was unlike anyone he’s met, and that he is smitten.

Wow. Really? I really wouldn’t have guessed, based on how unemotional he seemed during the date, how he hugged me twice when we parted seemingly because I probably looked disappointed. How he didn’t message me after the date until I messaged him. And how he didn’t message me all day.

He said he super liked me, and that he’ll be more forward with his feelings from now on. He said I looked gorgeous.

I’m turned on. I’m starting to imagine a future with him. Could he be the one?

What an unexpected turn of events.

I learned that he loves Futurama. That’s awesome 🙂

 

 

 

Today is all about finding great products to sell!

I did yoga, jumped on the trampoline, and now, I’m ready to find as many products as possible today! These products will help me make MILLIONS this year!!!!!

I’m grateful for Ying, for her insights and her tools!

I’m grateful for Tony Robbins, for his teachings and his coaching program, and his systems!

I’m grateful for Mom, for her belief in me.

I’m grateful for Jeffrey, for being cute and funny, and giving me a Saturday to look forward to 🙂

Today, I’ll find as many as 50 products, contact all suppliers, and we’ll go from there!

I live with PASSION!!

I still miss Jeff terribly.

I think about him everyday. I cried again today.

I really want to let it go. But I haven’t been able to.

I miss all the good things about him. His amazing ways. No one compares.

Jeffrey is sweet, and amazing in his own ways. But, he is not as smart, and is so laid back.

Jeff is so cool. So smart. So…intense.

I need to remember:

1. He was short tempered
2. He held a grudge and refused to reconcile
3. He didn’t try to make it work

I think that was the biggest thing. He didn’t try. But if he is bipolar or any other mental illness…can’t blame him. Maybe he realize he can’t be in a relationship after all.

I’ll let him go. We can both move on.

 

 

What a weird mix.

I arrived in Victoria on Wednesday. On Thursday night, I went to bed and suddenly missed Jeff a lot.

Where I slept…that was exactly where I “bonded” with him. I remember when our conversation started to make my heart pound.

I went back into the thought loop of what I could’ve said, and why he didn’t do this and that. I started crying uncontrollably again.

It’s been exactly a month since we “broke up”, yet I still feel so much for him.

Deep down I know we have lots of incompatibilities, even though there are lots of compatibilities that made it seem like we are made for each other. If we start spending time together, we’d be miserable too.

But it’s so hard to let go. I hardly hold a grudge of the bad things he did. Why is that? I mainly just remember the good. I don’t want to remember the bad anyway. I don’t want to think of it as something meaningless.

But, not putting him down and not pointing out the bad of that relationship, make it harder to let go. I guess it’ll just have to be that way.

I still think about, are we meant to meet one day? What if we are both downtown? What if we are both at a pub? What if we just walk by each other and pause for a moment, smile, embrace? Of course if that was the case, it can’t end right there.

If he would just message me, tell me that he misses me, I’d be there in a heart beat. If he would just tell me that he was bipolar but now he is on meds, and hopefully one day we would date, I’d be happy. I miss him. I just want to know that he missed me too and that he wanted to be with me if only he could.

But, even if he wants to message me, I’m sure if he sees Jeffrey on my wall he’d think it’s a bad idea to contact me. Then again, if he didn’t contact me a month ago, there’s no way he would now.

On the other hand, Jeffrey has been cute and seems smitten with me.

He is funny, pretty good looking, and has a lot of great qualities. He is a sweet guy and I want to spend time with him.

We can’t date though. He is not smart enough, and I don’t feel that him and I can ever be a power couple.

My soul mate is coming. I know.

He’ll be everything I want. Smart, funny, loyal, sweet, handsome, sexy, positive. We’ll have so much fun together and we’ll fall in love; we’ll be a power couple and live happily ever after.

 

Gratitude:

1. I’m grateful for Jeffrey! He is sweet to me.
2. I’m grateful for the cocoa milk powder epsom salt bath that Anna made, and having a nice bathtub to use it!
3. I’m grateful for having organic foods so available to me (and clean fresh air and water!)

Everything in this box is:

1. My biz generates $3MM in revenue and $1MM in profit – Yes, working on it! Finished Buzzfeed style video, uploading it today to FB ads. I’m reading Think and Grow Rich, I have Business Mastery experience to help me, and I have tools such as Ying’s JungleScout to help me, a life coach, and I have friends such as Ying and Stan and Lana to help me! And the Badasses!
2. I have more strengths, stamina, and toned body – Yes, I’m working on it! Will do a 21 day fix yoga work out later today!
3. I attract my soulmate and we live happily ever after – Yes, working on it! The place is messy again, but I’ll clean up today before heading to Victoria tomorrow! I will create my Soulmate (and life) vision board while in Victoria! On good path to attract my love. Tony Robbins also taught me to not focus on loss, less, and never. I choose to be happy, and my decisions shape me life.

Big Picture on how to grow my biz to reach $3MM:

1. Maintain sales and rank on Amazon and Etsy
   1. PPC ads – ongoing –
   2. Better listing search terms on Amazon – Keesha downloaded the report – I had no idea we had some really good search terms! Will optimize.
   3. Price split testing – Will wait after CashCowPro fixes this tool
   4. Enhanced listing, perhaps – haven’t started on this
2. Scale up sales on website
   1. FB Ads – posting ads today!
   2. SEO – need to hire a blogger for content
   3. Improve conversion rate – Added buzzfeed style video to ring page on KT site. Seems to help with sales. improve end to end customer experience – need to sit down and plan this. Also try out the Extractafy theme. The shop finder based on keywords is lame. Might return the whole course though. Download the FB videos beforehand.
3. Add more profitable products on Amazon
   1. Sourcing agent – contacted!
   2. Decide on market – considering the bag market; will follow Jungle Scout approach this week!
   3. Create brand

Agenda for Today

1. Work from 12:30 to 8, take 2hr break (work 7 hours)
2. Create FB ads campaign using new buzzfeed video!
3. Order messenger bag sample or get more details
4. Design photo booth props for birthday
5. 6pm – Call with Ying!

Day’s Summary:

Tomorrow:

1. Print out my list of to dos from journal entry (vivid vision)
2. Research what Willow’s and Everette, and other big sellers are doing. Amazon Exclusive – who are more likely to get – 2 hr
3. Contact sourcing agents – 0.5 hr

This week:

1. Add a set of FB video ads to focus on anniversary ppl only
2. More on CashCowPro for price split testing – once confirmed that more rings are coming
3. Invest for dividend income
4. (Weekend) Listen to FFL speeches – Is it good to listen to it during weekend to get motivated for the week?

Thought Jeffrey was gone from my life, but he was just at a different pace than me. He arranged this date, and was super sweet!

He picked me up at 1pm. Actually he was 10 minutes early, and just waited. We had some tea by Blim, the silk screen print shop. Walked around Chinatown, then headed to Blim.

Blim was a very interesting place! Full of crazy. The instructor Yuriko was pretty eccentric (in her video, not so much in person). The assistant pilot was a bit loopy too. As he helped us pick out our shirts, he kept showing us his ass crack. They are both very nice though.

Jeffrey had wanted to learn to screen print, and so have I! And I had wanted to make that “Patio Furniture” shirt, so it was a double dream come true for me! He made a “West of Denman” shirt with awkward hand holding. It was pretty funny and cute too. It was such a good idea for a date!

He ended up picking glow in the dark, pink, and black for his colours. Haha. His hand gestures are a bit gay too actually.

I did 4 colours on mine, and it looked quite good!

After that, we browsed some stores in Chinatown; some nice menswear, and a really weird store with old stuff. Old phones, old cameras, old maps, old taxidermy.

After that, we went to Bodega, for a squid ink seafood paella! We both ended up with black teeth and lips and fingers. I think I turned goth.

Overall it was a fun day!

He was quite cute. Very sweet. Very thoughtful. Very generous. Funny.

The only thing is, I compare him to Jeff. Sigh. Jeff is really smart. Jeffrey is smarter than average, but probably not as smart as me. Definitely not as smart as Jeff, because Jeff is probably genius level.

But, I’ve never met Jeff. And Jeffrey has lots of amazing qualities, such as being more emotionally steady and stable. Very reliable. Eats healthy (pescatarian).

He didn’t make any move on me. There’s nothing that suggested that he was checking me out. He hugged me at the end. That’s it.

Jeff was so intense, so passionate, so funny, so smart. Gosh I miss those qualities. I know that if we tried we’d still not work…but I really like those qualities.

Jeffrey is a kind person, probably patient. He is able to stay at job for 16 years, and be in long term relationships (8, 9 years). I don’t know if I like that he is at a job that he entered 16 years ago though.

Oh and he asked me what I wanted. I said, I’m seeking a soulmate. He said he sees himself as having a family, with 8 kids. haha.

Realistically, I think he is great, and I want us to be friends. Good friends. I like spending him with him. I just don’t think he is the one, because he is not spontaneous enough, and he is not so smart that I can be his number one fan.

But I really like him. I really do. And today my sales are good. And I worked out (21 day fix, dirty 30). I feel very grateful and happy!

 

It’s been 20 days since our virtual relationship ended. So much has happened since. Unpleasant mostly.

I usually get over someone after 2 weeks, especially since him and I never met…I thought I should be over him by now.

But, today, I still remembered our first phone call, and I cried. I cry in such an ugly way haha. It’s a deep pain I guess. I never cry in such a way. This hurt me bad.

How I wish we could still be together. How I wish there’s an explanation that makes it still possible for us to date.

But, I know it’s not.

I saw photos of him on my phone by accident today. I deleted most memories of him, such as our chats, but I kept his photos in one folder. I forgot that I hadn’t deleted photos of him off my phone. I drew a heart of “Jeff + Tanya” back then too.

Maybe it is especially tough to let go because I was manifesting us being together. I was manifesting hard.

And yet, it didn’t work.

Dear Universe, Please help me find my true soulmate!

By December 31, 2017, my businesses will have generated $3MM USD for the year 2017, from which I will profit $1MM USD.

In return for this money, I will provide the best products, the best end-to-end customer experiences, and the a wide range of products for my customers.

I believe my businesses and I will have this money in our possession. My faith is so strong I can now see the money before my eyes. I can touch it with my hands. This money already exists and have my name on it.

I will launch 10 highly desirable and profitable products, and create world class viral and creative marketing.

Ingenious ideas, brilliant opportunities, and amazing people come to me at just the right times.