Month: March 2022

Turned 42! The meaning of life!

Goals for this year:

1. Learn 1 dance a month
2. Expand and deepen friendships

Bunny took me on an all day date. It was nice.

First, he showed up with beautiful flowers and a tub of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream! Then we went to Lynn Valley for a quick hike. Then we went to Jericho Beach Park to see the bunnies!

Bunny is kind of a bunny whisperer haha. He got a baby bunny to be so close to us, and as we were leaving, he whistled at some bunnies and they all came running over!

The baby bunny was standing/sitting on her hind legs sometimes like a Disney bunny haha. So cute.

Then we went to Boba Run and got a dalgona bubble tea just before they closed. Then, we got chicken waffles from Le Coq Frit, my fave!

Then we came back to my place and Bunny helped me set up the TV.

I got quite frustrated at him several times….but eventually we got it.

The LG 65″ OLED TV, C1 series – current best TV, $2100 – is now mounted on my pillar.

We sat on the sofa and marvelled at the stunning picture quality for a while.

Bunny was feeling pretty shitty physically and went home. I’m grateful that he made all this effort for me.

Still it’s not nearly as fun as a night with Alex. And god knows I still miss him so.

Today, day after my bday, I’m still missing him so much. Still thought of him as I masturbated and still cried.

This period was 3 days late, but it was one of my best ones. Not too heavy. I wonder if it’s the celery juice! 4 months into this now.

Today, Bunny went to see a new chiro. Michael Foran, a nucca chiro.

For the first time, Bunny was happy with a chiro and there’s evidence that he is good! Bunny showed me a paper folio of all the charts and diagrams and data on his spine alignment and temperature! It was incredible!

I’m SO happy for him!!

My wish has come true haha. Bunny is on the path of wellness!

I hope he feels much better in 6 weeks as the chiro predicts. Usually feel a difference in 3 weeks.

God has been kind to me. I’m so grateful.

I was talking to Mom today and telling her how many biz owners don’t take a profit for years. I’m so lucky that I’ve been able to take a profit because the profit margin for rings is so great.

Today I barely worked. I think I had too much sugar yesterday. And setting up the TV was mega stressful.

But I think tomorrow is going to be a great new start!

I’m looking forward to being productive. I’m looking forward to dancing, singing, laughing, spending more time with friends, and scaling the biz with dual layered rings! So exciting!!!!

Wow. I’ve been talking to Cyndi often lately, and discovered the “dismissive avoidant” attachment type by chance.

Cyndi learned that she is a fearful avoidant last year. She shuts down when she is afraid of getting hurt.

Her behaviour can be so unpredictable and hurtful to the guys.

I asked her how it started. She said when she was 5, her parents woke up up and told her that mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore, and that she had to choose who to go with. It was such a shock to her, because her parents never fought in front of her and Tina. Her dad, this amazing guy, cheated on her mom with her best friend. That was also a shock.

I thought about how the shock was the most traumatizing part. It came totally as a surprise.

I thought about how that’s why I was so traumatized by Alex’s silence. We had so much fun, laughing, making out, making love….and just like that, he ghosted me. It was completely unexpected.

I figured that for someone to do this to someone else, they must’ve had it done to them. So I looked up avoidant attachment, and discovered that he is a textbook dismissive avoidant. Wow.

It was, in some ways, comforting because now I feel that he shut down because he was starting to develop feelings for me, not because he doesn’t care about me.

On the other hand, it also means he needs therapy, and that I can never date him….well, that’s nothing new because he wants kids…so I guess nothing was lost…aside from the 2 months of fun and the bittersweet parting sex that we could’ve had today or yesterday.

Part of me wants him to not ever find the one to start a family with, give up on the idea of families, get therapy, and be with me.

He is the best I’ve ever had in every way. Funnest, best in bed. Smart, successful. I was so drawn to him. I was smitten with him I was in love, more than I ever have in my 42 years of life.

But, he’ll just be a small part of my life. A memory.

Sigh.

I’m better now though. I’m pulling my pieces together.

 

 

Yie yie – Bio Grandpa on Dad’s side – Thank you for your smart genes, your quirkiness

Agong – Grandpa on Dad’s side – Thank you for being kind

Amma – Grandma on Dad’s side – Thank you for your smart and beauty genes, and that you’ve always been kind to me, never sexist.

Ah-Gong – Grandpa on Mom’s side – Thank you for your smart genes, artistic genes, playfulness, innocence, kindness, generosity, wealth legacy.

Apple – Grandma on Mom’s side – Thank you for your smart genes, determination & perseverance, generosity, unconventional style, laughs

Aunt Martha – Thank you for your art influence, your nurturing and non-judging style, your encouragement, your kindness

Da Jiou Jiou – Thank you for your kindness, your calmness, your non-judgement and generosity, for playing with us.

Xiao Ah Yi – Thank you for your unconventional wittiness and high EQ and acceptance. Thank you for your love and care and sincerity.

Gu Po – Thank you for giving me a big chicken thigh one time hahaha. I appreciate your spunk of trading and singing even in your 80s.

 

I’m so sad today.

Last night … well 4am I finally messaged Alex, telling him how I was not ok with him ghosting me. I was shaking.

Today I heard back.

Basically he said that he thought I was trying to take this relationship too seriously and asking him to commit. So he distanced himself.

In reality I asked him to try to make an effort to see me twice a week as he said he’ll do. That’s all.

I kinda knew he was a fucker like that. A flake. A dead beat.

But today it was confirmed.

I’m balling my eye out even more.

But, at least now I feel more ready to move on.

John had to comfort me a little, ironically. I told him I was sad cuz Alex ghosted me.

I’m sad that John is so sick and not good in bed and unfun to be around…. I wish he was the one for me. I wish, most of all, that he is healthy and happy. And loving himself.

Lessons:

1. Don’t hook up with unreliable, flakey people.
2. Don’t hook up with people bad at confrontation
3. If they have to be asked to put you on a reminder alarm to message you, nope
4. Be as clear as possible about being on the same page e.g. end date

I mean, in some ways, I’m glad I had those memories, those good sex experiences. I just wish it was with someone as sincere and reliable as John.

I will get over this.

One day in the near future, John is gonna be healthy and happy. And I’ll have lots of friends. And I’ll meet my soulmate. And I hope the John will meet his soulmate.

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I just showered, and still felt so much sadness.

Sad that I’m turning 42 in 8 days, and still have not experienced love, experienced being spoiled and courted and showered in love gestures.

Sad that John has me stuck in the most boring relationship.

Sad that Alex turned out to be an inconsiderate asshole.

Sad that most likely he never felt as deeply for me. Though, who knows. Maybe him trying to move away from me is because it hurts him. But I doubt it. I think he finds me overbearing and asking too much. That should’ve been my queue. The fact that I had to chase him down to see me. Then again, he did try. So, all in all, I think I tried my best. Would I have done it differently? Probably nothing. It was as it was.

I can’t change to become less passionate. Or to become ok with someone who flakes out. Or to be ok with ingenuity. Or to be silent about it all.

A part of me wished that I could tap into my higher self and not be sad. But, I don’t see how.

I am human. I have feelings.

I guess I can be an observer of my feelings instead of being too impacted by them.

I will find love. I will.

I will radiate love. I will be giving, kind, happy, joyful, radiant, glowing, magical. I will enjoy having several lovers until I find the one I want to be monogamous with.

I just remembered that the fortune teller said I’ll always have peach flowers. That means, there will be more good guys coming into my life. I gotta truly believe it, visualize it, and embrace it.

 

 

 

Ok! It’s taken me a while to write this because I’ve been in a low mood, but, it’s getting better each day. Plus, there are some cool stuff that has happened!

The low mood cause is, of course, Alex. I still am puzzled by how he can just ghost me, but the pain is subsiding. Time will heal it I’m sure.

If he behaves like this, he is not a good guy for me anyway. I try not to judge this behaviour. I try to forgive and just be grateful.

The other thing is, John. We are a bit better these days. Fewer fights. But, he is so sick…and today he said it’s just been getting worse. It doesn’t help that the world status is cray cray right now, with the war between Russia and Ukraine happening and Omicron lockdown in China. It makes the stock market super volatile, which really impacts him, understandably. Nobody really knows what’s going on in the world.

I really want him to feel better. Unselfishly and selfishly.

Now for the good news:

I’m learning about our Universe, the 9 dimensions, and our consciousness – and it’s fascinating! I discovered Matias de Stephano. He is such a gem. What he talks about just feels right. It’s similar (but different) to what I have felt. That feeling of missing home. That feeling of being pure bright energy together with other energy beings and feeling happy and loved.

Some neutral news:

Office
Office set-up is on-going. Sometimes I’m really fed up with Nicole being so dumb and dramatic. But sometimes I’m grateful of her being on the careful side. Alyssa is fine too. Not sure how fast she is, but she is decently smart.

We are still adding more office items. Something to tape up the windows with. Get a fridge that works. Get some Kallax shelves.

It’s been 1.5 months at the new office and we’ve been setting up quite nicely I think.

I’m sure one day I’ll look back on all this fondly 🙂

Social Life
I’ve been gone to Lisa’s twice now, for poker. It’s ok fun. These people are really just so so. But, it’s some socializing! And most are not vaxxed. I think Lisa’s husband Nathan is decently smart. Just kinda white-trashy haha.

Been closer to Cyndi because of our love/sex lives. It’s nice. I learn a lot from her. She uplifts people. She attracts people because of it.

I wish she wasn’t brain damaged…but hopefully she’ll heal and be able to work on Knot Theory marketing one day.

Ty has been so distant…we rarely hang out and he replies to my messages sometimes a week or more later. He really broke Cyndi’s heart too, especially recently, when he had his lawyer send her an agreement to buy her half of Tybot for $60.

This makes me think that people with hyperfocus (Ty and Alex) just do whatever they want to do, and ignore other people’s feelings. Two of my fave guys in the world. Sigh.

Been chatting often with Mark. He is my new fave guy friend. AND, we have the same bday!

I’ll organize some get-togethers with the ECF group, Jessica and Darlene, etc. Maybe invite Mark to something too.

It’s my bday coming up…but I think I won’t be hosting a party. Can’t wait for April 8 – will sign up for a dance class!

1. Get an accountant who can formalize Knot Theory, so that I can
   1. Save on tax while growing
   2. Get more guidance while growing (prioritization, grant, etc)
   3. Take out more profit (to enjoy and/or to invest into something else)
   4. Sell the business in the future
2. Inventory – Have a great handle on our inventory replenishment system
   1. So that we don’t run out of inventory – it’s a waste of time to address OOS, and it’s loss of profit, and it’s bad customer experience
   2. So that we don’t over order or under order – it’s best to order consistent the right amount without rushing our manufacturer; better for our relationship with manufacturer
3. Sales – Bring our sales up to ensure we have good business while we do this overhaul the next 3 to 6 months
4. Have product release road map planned out for the year
   1. So we are not caught off guard by holidays
   2. So we block out time needed for creating promotional material, promotional campaigns – everything is well thought-out so we get the most out of each release
   3. So we plan ahead and block out time needed for product innovation
5. Delegate and systemize big and small launches – this is the trickiest piece involving many talents and many steps
   1. Create new listings on all markets
   2. Create graphics for new listings
   3. Take product photos for new listings
   4. Take lifestyle photos
   5. Write description, blog, PR articles, SEO articles, landing pages
   6. Create landing pages
   7. Create ad graphics
   8. Work with marketing team
6. Delegate and systemize social media, marketing (email, text, ads, influencer, etc), and SEO as much as possible
   1. So someone is doing it consistently
   2. So we are growing continuously in a somewhat automated fashion – influencer seeding, collaborations, ads
7. Have Team lead on both Vancouver Team and VA Team, with 1 person cross-trained.
   1. So training and hiring can happen without my supervision
   2. So we have a back-up person
8. Delegate and systemize optimization
   1. improve conversion rate via split testing
   2. track metrics – e.g. measure our conversion, growth, reach, effectiveness of a campaign or any initiative
   3. remove inefficiencies, improve upon the metrics we’ve tracked
9. Innovation
   1. Product innovation
   2. Marketing innovation
   3. Growth innovation – any creative proposals to accelerate our growth

All of the above paves way for us to scale 10x.

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1. Accountant – contacted!
2. Inventory – will order enough for 3 to 6 months, to buy us some time
3. Sales – Bring our sales up for the next 3 to 6 months
   1. Launch CF4 and CF6 pre-engraved on Amazon (make sure we have enough inventory)
      1. Joy to create 3D rendered images
      2. VAs to create Amazon listings
   2. Launch dual layer pre-engraved on Amazon too
      1. Alyssa to engrave these rings
      2. I will take photos
      3. Joy to create 3D rendered images
      4. VAs to create Amazon listings
   3. Add dual layer custom engraved listings on Etsy
      1. Alyssa to engrave rings
      2. I will take photos
      3. I will create a role model listing for VA to replicate
      4. VAs to create replicated listings
   4. Add dual layer custom engraved listings on Shopify
   5. Add dual layer pre-engraved listings on Etsy
   6. Add dual layer pre-engraved listings on Shopify
   7. Simple launch
      1. Newsletter (be sure to add more Etsy emails)
      2. Post on social

Detailed action items:

1. Accountant – Will need to prepare for 2020 tax return or pay an instalment
2. Inventory – Have a great handle on our inventory replenishment system – how?
   1. Know our sales velocity so we can predict demand – how?
      1. Amazon – Sellerboard can generate a report, VA can process this every 3 months, or Ty (or another software developer) can write something for this, or we can buy some inventory management software
      2. Etsy, Shopify, and Amazon FBM – can query DS to get the data (using API to query), or for now, take an inventory snapshot (a column containing current inventory count), so after a month or 2 or 3, we know our sales velocity for it
   2. Know our current inventory – so we know how much more to order
      1. Schedule inventory count
      2. deduct from inventory after each sale or have the App do it?
   3. Prevent OOS orders
      1. Better Etsy listings
   4. Schedule inventory replenishment order so we are on top of re-ordering (after/during busy seasons + every 3 months)
   5. Right now we don’t have an easy way to track sales velocity on a SKU, so we will just order a lot (estimated to last us 6 months) to buy us some time.
   6. We need to redo our moulds too, and sizes will be corrected in the new mould, so we don’t want to overstock on this one.
   7. These are the apps to consider, for inventory syncing, re-order management:
      1. https://craftybase.com/ (best, possibly)
      2. https://www.zoho.com/ca/inventory/features/ (best, possibly)
      3. https://www.sellbrite.com/inventory-management-software/
      4. https://www.ecomdash.com/overview/