Month: March 2021

I’ve decided to distance myself from Masha.

I think she intentionally or unintentionally makes me feel worse.

I often feel weird about her. I often feel worse after hanging out with her. It’s just not worth it for me.

I don’t need this in my life.

Recently she suggested that John’s health is getting worse because he is consciously or unconsciously using it as a way to keep us together.

Wow.

What an offensive thing to say.

I could rebuttal in so many ways.

Did your son consciously or unconsciously rape a girl to get your attention because you’ve been neglecting him throughout his teenage years because you’re so fucking selfish?

—

I honestly think she is trying to be offensive because she was jealous that John helped me make over $1 Million. I could see her unease when I told her that, because she stuttered when she tried to say the next thing.

She wasn’t happy for me or him. She was never happy for me.

She said, But you haven’t sold it yet right?

—

One thing I learned from John is that we can all thing so differently.

So maybe she didn’t have ill intentions. Maybe she is projecting like she said she might be.

But the fact is, she often makes me feel bad.

She kept saying how great Dylan was, as if trying to convince herself or trying to make me feel bad because that’s one thing I don’t have – a boyfriend with spare cycles for affection. Also, I don’t like Dylan. He was rude (scrolling his phone while we were all together) and unfunny when I invited him over for dinner.

I just feel that we both have disdain for each other. Maybe I feel it more towards her. After all, she does wear my rings all the time haha.

I appreciate that she let me say with her when I needed it. I appreciate that she is very free of drama.

I just don’t feel a lot of benefits of being around her in general. No happy feelings.

She actually doesn’t get my jokes. She doesn’t give me compliments. I don’t give a lot either, but even I give a lot more than she does! And there’s something competitive going on.

I’m always nice to her in my words. I don’t “subtle stab” her. I don’t plant negative seeds in her. Even though I don’t like Dylan, I don’t plant ideas that could worsen their relationship.

I could very well say to Dylan, Masha thought you were a loser when she first started dating you. (She joked that she learned to attract/date losers from me. It was another time that she was incredibly rude.)

I can’t think of having a good time with her. We had talked a lot. I guess that’s kind of a good time. But lately I find her very uninteresting and judging with her “knowledge”. “Oh adrenal fatigue doesn’t exist, it’s been proven.” “Oh that’s a dopaminergic behaviour.” Sooo annoying.

I have archived her in Whatsapp.

I’m so mad I don’t want to see her messages or listen to them….and I really won’t miss her.

The only reason why I don’t want to clearly end it is that it was my pattern and I don’t want to do it again. Considering the help she had given me before, I won’t say harsh things to her.

I’ll just say to her that I don’t appreciate her planting negative ideas in my world, and her lack of tact. She could’ve said, John can benefit from counselling to feel more positive and less PCS discomfort. But she chose to attack him.

I have never said one negative thing to her about Dylan, even though I don’t like him.

Bunny and I have such a rough time in person these days. On the phone we are not bad, talking for an hour each day, looking forward to talking, being sweet to each other.

In person, we’ve been fighting everything single time.

He is feeling so terrible ever since going to Bret the physio. Something is really aggravating his nerves. We haven’t had sex in over a month. When I go over, he used to greet me with a smile. For the past couple months, no smile.

Today we went to IKEA and Dave’s fish and chips. All is well. He wasn’t the most fun to be around but we were both trying to make it a good day. It was all good, until the last second, at near checkout, when a girl’s shopping cart fell over. I said, Bunny let’s go help. He ignored me. He was counting how many patio floor pieces he needed.

I helped the girl, and after that, I got mad at him.

In the car, we shouted at each other.

I didn’t like that he seemed like a bad person. He felt terrible that I made him feel like a bad person because he already felt pretty bad (for losing a lot of money in life, which has nothing to do with integrity…)

He kept saying he doesn’t know how long he can live with this discomfort.

I also feel very hopeless if this is our relationship.

God please help. Please help him regain his health.

I hope this prolotherapist John Paton can help him. So far he doesn’t seem very professional or friendly, but supposedly he is the best in Vancouver.

Without his health, both him and I suffer. So much.

I’m supposed to “play” in this life. How am I suppose to play if I have to keep saving my playmate?

I want to have a playmate. I want to have lots of fun, lots of good sex, lots of laughs, lots of adventures, lots of friends, great memories, lots of wealth, lots of abundance haha!!

 

Today I feel somewhat happy and peaceful, as though the thought of being “rich” finally hit me.

I was also a bit lazy. Sold a few calls for $3200CAD and called it a day lol.

I did the mental math of making a living this way. Do these calls once a week, and make $12K per month! Plus $10K per month dividend! Wow.

That’s more than what I made per month in 2020!

It’s time to re-evaluate how I approach life.

I love my place. The BC Place view is just as beautiful as ever. The ash coloured floor. The location. Everything about this place is awesome.

I definitely remember that my goal is to have $4MM. I’m so close!

I remember that the reason why I set it to $4MM is that it’ll mean I can live off dividends so I can feel stress-free. And that I can support Mom and Dad.

With Bunny’s help, I now can get $100K dividends per year.

Bunny keeps saying I’m set for life. I’m not sure how long I can keep earning this dividend, and I don’t know if the stocks will continue to rise or be stable the next few years (certainly will be selling some mall stocks after reopening). But yes, overall, I feel pretty amazing about my finance!

Making an income of $200K/year (in 2020) too.

Questions:

1. Can I be more baller?
2. What can I do to make more? $100MM is my next goal.

Bunny wants $100M to0. Let’s make it happen for both of us!

What if I spend more time on trading and less time on my business?

The returns on trading is so much higher, with the littlest time put in.

If I really commit to switching over to all 2x, 3x stocks, I’ll be able to double  or triple this $3M.

Then it’s $9MM.

If I use margin, that’s $18MM.

Of course I wouldn’t leverage the whole margin…that’s risky…

But wow, even $10MM is AMAZING!!!

And I should probably understand the margin risks better.

I wonder if I should do a series of short term doubling bets. This is potentially way more gain than doing it once a year.

If I keep $1MM in the safe bucket, $1MM in Bunny’s management, and $1MM in “repeated 2x growth or more bets”, diversified into 10 different stocks to lower risk, utilize margin (let’s say it’s $1MM), play this let’s say 3 times a year, then that’s $1MMx2x3=$6MM in one year.

Food for thought!