Month: March 2015

I should be happy for Cyndi. She is one of my closest friends.

She just got a job offer for $120K USD take home, located in New York! And she’s been dating lots, being promiscuous, and just had great sex with a guy she was attracted to.

It’s amazing how quickly one’s life can change. The other day her 6 year relationship had ended, she never had good sex, and her job only pays around $45 or $55K CAD.

It’s like in the Gossip Girl. One character can be thrown into the shittiest situation, and then the next moment she is the queen of the hill. That was the only thing I learned from that show…if I learned it.

Life is unpredictable, that’s one lesson. Much of life is outside of our control. (How we think of it is within our control, but you can’t deny the good in getting a super job offer and getting great sex.) If someone has something good going on, just be happy for them, for things can change at any point. If someone is in the shits, it too shall pass.

I guess it’s hard for me to see because she did nothing to gain this job offer…she did not take risks, she did not pursue greatness. She just dreaded going to work, not sure what she had learned during meetings with Google and Facebook (at least, that’s what she told me), and was just looking for a job that’d allow her to work from home.. (…and she lies. She lies about things for this new job…she lied during our trip. She is too quick to lie and too good of a lier, it scares me. )

…It’s hard because she was a bitch in some ways during our Thailand trip and I still haven’t got over how she criticized me for things that shes does herself, and the pretentious way she went about it.

…It’s hard because I’m struggling still with my businesses.

…It’s hard because even in the sex department she is winning. And she is so cocky at dates it’s ironic.

It makes me really sad.

If she also becomes skinny, then officially her life is better than mine in every way haha.

I’ve got to learn to be happy for her. For she had been happy for me during my…sort of good times. Like before going on Dragon’s Den. Sigh. I never actually hit it big though. I’ve never gained anything in life that is lasting it seems….I never made so much money.

It’s funny how our worth is so dependent on the other people. If someone offers me that much pay, I’d feel amazing. If I can make that much money, I’ll feel amazing.

I prefer a world where we all feel great.

Ok, I gotta be solid. I gotta remember how great I have it.

I have lots of promising business moves coming up:

When I sell successfully on Amazon (not a matter of if, but a matter of when. And I hope it’s soon! I hope it’s in the next few months!!!) I’ll start feeling energized. Ah how great it’d feel to make money!!! I can work from anywhere too!!! I can then travel and do fun stuff all over the world!!!!

When I have a great following for the Alopecia Channel, I’ll feel amazing!!! I’ll have impact, I’ll have influence, I’ll have fans, and I’ll make friends! Even if it doesn’t gain a lot of fans at first, I’ll get to practice my speaking skills, my ability in front of the camera, my charisma. It’ll be good for me.

I feel so much better now 🙂

Cyn, Christie, and I went to Sum’s for dinner tonight.

Cyn’s life is so great, making me kind of jealous. She’s been dating like crazy, met at least two cute guys, had amazing sex with one of them, made out with another one. She also got offered a job in New York, and she can name her salary. She’ll likely get at least $120K USD, plus equity of the company. It’s so good that it’s almost hard to be happy for her. But I’ll be happy for her. I wish my life is taking off like that.

Sum is doing really well too, making $150K the past year. A guy – smart, wealthy, established – is super into her too. He actually left his wife of 20 years, in order to pursue her. Wow.

Christie didn’t say much about herself, but she hasn’t had sex in 1.5 years. I don’t know how well her business is.

Me, I haven’t had sex in about 4 months.

I was an ok night. I like them, but I don’t really jive with them. But at the same time it’ll be cool be to Sex in the City with these girls. We really are so different.

Cyn and I have similar sense of humour. Summer and Christie have their own. Sum and I have similar taste in guys. Cyn and Christie are more reserved. But then Cyn is changing fast.

I shouldn’t be jealous of anybody. I should just be happy for them, be helpful, and be a good friend.

I want to be more successful though. And I will be. This is the year! I’ll do everything in my power to be successful starting this year.

My rings are done and waiting to be packaged. I need your blessing, my dear God. I love you, I miss you.

If I’m completely honest, I’d say mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive guys. Different guy every 3 to 7 days. Sometimes several guys at once.

I feel that it’s a bad thing to admit to the world though…it seems too shallow and too pointless to be accepted by the society, by myself even. But it’s the truth.

It’s literally the funnest thing in the world. To make out with an absolute hottie, to laugh together, to enjoy each other’s body, to kiss and touch and feel the rush. To get wet, incredibly wet. To feel the physical intimacy. To discover each other. To excite each other with new places, new sex ideas. To adore each other and think each other is perfect. To compliment each other and make each other feel like god and goddess.

I love how Patrick made me feel. I love how Josh made me feel. I savour those moments.

I’m passionate about helping people, developing my business, creative brainstorming, innovating, designing, experiencing new things, doing sports that give me an adrenaline rush, winning, succeeding, enjoying the luxuries in life, meeting new people, travelling.

Yet, at the end of the day, all I want and all I need is mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive guys. It’s empty, and in some ways meaningless pleasure, but it’s so intense, that it’s possibly like being high on cocaine. (I’ve read that the brain’s wave pattern while in love is similar to being high on cocaine.)

In that way it makes sense. It’s an addiction…giving me the rush that a drug addiction gives to an addict. Except I can’t be an addict because I can’t easily obtain it. (If I were a king I would be the most hedonistic king.)

And…I guess from the point of evolution, it makes sense that I got to be this way. It just seems like that for most people (women) it’s been packaged into more of a combo deal: dating, long term relationship, and creating a family. For me, it’s been reduced down to just sex. And it doesn’t have to be anyone smart. And I have no desire to procreate. Giving birth is the most unappealing thing to me. So…almost like a gay person, I’m an exception that does not contribute to the gene pool.

If hard drugs are as amazing and mind-blowing sex – which I doubt, because being with someone attractive is so new and exciting. Drugs will at best be like mind-blowing orgasms, but it can’t replace the human aspect of sex. I love thinking about the uniqueness of the person that I had sex with. The good uniqueness that is. I love those moments….I wish they’d last forever.

If I’m completely honest, I’d say mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive guys. Different guy every 3 to 7 days. Sometimes several guys at once.

I feel that it’s a bad thing to admit to the world though…it seems too shallow and too pointless to be accepted by the society, by myself even. But it’s the truth.

It’s literally the funnest thing in the world. To make out with an absolute hottie, to laugh together, to enjoy each other’s body, to kiss and touch and feel the rush. To get wet, incredibly wet. To feel the physical intimacy. To discover each other. To excite each other with new places, new sex ideas. To adore each other and think each other is perfect. To compliment each other and make each other feel like god and goddess.

I love how Patrick made me feel. I love how Josh made me feel.

I’m passionate about helping people, developing my business, creative brainstorming, innovating, designing, experiencing new things, doing sports that give me an adrenaline rush, winning, succeeding, enjoying the luxuries in life, meeting new people, travelling.

Yet, at the end of the day, all I want and all I need is mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive people. It’s empty, and in some ways meaningless pleasure, but it’s so intense, that it’s possibly like being high on cocaine. (I’ve read that the brain’s wave pattern while in love is similar to being high on cocaine.)

In that way it makes sense. It’s an addiction…giving me the rush that a drug addiction gives to an addict. Except I can’t be an addict because I can’t easily obtain it. I need to meet the right people.

And…I guess from the point of evolution, it makes sense that I got to be this way. It just seems like that for most people (women) it’s been packaged into more of a combo deal: dating, long term relationship, and creating a family. For me, it’s been reduced down to just sex. And it doesn’t have to be anyone smart. And I have no desire to procreate. Giving birth is the most unappealing thing to me. So…almost like a gay person, I’m an exception that does not contribute to the gene pool.

If hard drugs are as amazing and mind-blowing sex – which I doubt, because being with someone attractive is so new and exciting. Drugs will at best be like mind-blowing orgasms, but it can’t replace the human aspect of sex. I love thinking about the uniqueness of the person that I had sex with. The good uniqueness that is.

Update: About exactly a year later, March 2016, I got to have this with Matthew. Oh man…so amazing. Exactly what I wanted. Dunno how long it’ll last…wouldn’t it be amazing if it lasts a life time? But for now, I just enjoy the ride.

I am lucky. Mom can’t be more supportive, loving, and giving. Dad is great too.

I have a place to live in Vancouver, I have stocks, I have time.

I have beauty, smarts, talent, and youth (still some!)

I finally realized why I’m not successful, why I have nothing to show for.

I MUST ACT FAST

I take action, but usually after much thinking. I’d spend all day learning, planning, thinking. I need to make myself produce results at reasonable pace. Take 2 hours to create a product listing, not 12 hours.

Like Jason F. said, try shit, be a bull in a china shop. Get data. Grow quickly.

I MUST TAKE SOME RISKS

Wounded and gun shy does describe me. I need to get over this. Spend some money and get some data.

I MUST FOCUS

The past few days I’ve been on Facebook too much. No more. Limit my time doing useless stuff to half hour a day. Limit my chat with friends to 5 minutes.

Get shit done. No excuses!

Update: May 2016 – I have some success!! So happy. But what I wrote still applies. Trying more shit is key to success.

I know what I need to do. To see more success. I know.

But I’m not doing these things.

I hope that if I pound the main idea into my head repeatedly, then eventually I’ll do it. Like how I pounded the determination of losing weight into my head. One day, I just executed it like a pro and lost 20lbs. I need to apply that to something good.

What do I need to do?

Let’s keep it simple. I need to: Budget time, budget money, and get things done within timeframe.

1. KT: Automate Knot Theory as much as possible. Pay for some ads. Pay for some seo help. Schedule things that I have to do.

2. SEO: Keep going ’til I get 2 or 3 clients. Schedule things I have to do.

3. ASM: DO IT! Put 80% of my effort into this. Set goals. Set tasks. Do them.

4. AC: Schedule it. Set milestones.

—

Knot Theory:

 

I have been sick with a cold the past 3 days. Getting better now. Just a headache, some coughing, and general weakness.

Mom started getting sick as of last night. She took some potent medicine this morning and for the past couple hours she can hardly breathe. She is slightly better now.

Interesting out something small like this can make us think:

1. How lucky we are to be healthy most of the time

We both were sick at the end of last Feb. That’s over a year ago! That’s pretty damn good. It’s not good to never get sick either. We are lucky that we only get sick once a year.

We experience pain, but some people are in pain all the time!

2. Nice to have mom take care of me

I was going to go to Vancouver yesterday, but was too weak. I stayed and Mom took care of me….hot soup, good food, pain killers, ginger and brown sugar drinks. It was much better than being by myself in Vancouver.

3. Think about the future

I’m not as good at taking care of Mom as she is at taking care of me. She doesn’t ask me to do much either. I tried to help the best I could. I downloaded a desk bell app so she can ring it if she needs me. Kinda funny.

I’m not looking forward to the future, where I have to take care of Mom and Dad. I definitely need to be rich so I can hire someone to do the heavy lifting.

4. Me getting old

I think about who will take care of me when I’m old. I certainly don’t look forward to that either.

I hope the society has that sorted out better by the time I’m old. How to age gracefully with lots of help that is. If not, I need to have suicide pills ready. I don’t want to live a painful old age like grandma.

I wish I had a hot “love” buddy to keep me motivated.

There’s something lacking in my life. I want someone I can make out with, make love to, and laugh with. We like each other a lot, almost love each other. We are not together in the sense that we don’t burden each other, but we also don’t date other people. Maybe in time we’ll date each other, if our attraction and passion for each other stay strong. That’s what I want.

Right now there’s no one in my life. It’s been that way for months now. I feel that I need a little something.

Thailand trip was fruitless. I didn’t get to make out with anyone, let alone having sex.

I think about Jarl. But he doesn’t turn me on that much. He isn’t my type entirely. He looks good but kind of has a standard H&M model type of look. And most of all, he’s showed very little interest. Some, but not enough.

Someone that looks like Josh is my favourite. Crazy sexy eyebrows, sexy lip-biting, sexy tan, sexy body.

God, may I have someone like that in my life? I’ll still work hard to make this world a better place! 🙂

Matthew started talking to me again. I did chat with him for the first time, but at the same time, I thought, what’s the point? I get tiny bit excited when talking to him, because he was really hot to me back then. I haven’t seen him in 5 or 6 years; now he is not as cute anymore because my taste has changed and so has his appearance. He has a girlfriend too. He is a vain princess. Not my type at all. We can never date. He was the best I had in bed at one point, but since then I’ve had Patrick and Josh. He wasn’t as good as them. Sex with him was fun but not amazing. He had perfectly symmetric balls, which was memorable. But his face is not symmetric.

We have a lot in common – software background, entrepreneur spirit, no interest in kids, love for anything that Elon Musk does, and we’re both “Asian”.  If he had learned Chinese instead of Mandarin, and if he wasn’t a vain princess, we’d have the world. He is funny, ambitious, smart, charming.

For a relationship he is plenty good looking, but for pure hookup, I actually don’t like how he looks anymore.

Anyway. I hope I can become famous and rich so I get more hotties to choose from.

 

 

1. Fabreeze
2. Tablet instead of laptop
3. Unlocked phone
4. Chargers and the 2-prong adapter
5. (Buy) Snorkel gear
6. Soap
7. Laundry Soap
8. A light backpack for the day.
9. Money belt
10. Large face value USD ($100)
11. Waterproof camera
12. Definitely sunglasses
13. Clothes line
14. One Wrap skirt for plane ride
15. A sarong
16. A waterproof bag, maybe
17. Waterproof sunscreen
18. Insect repellant
19. 3 bikinis
20. Sun guard top (like the one for surfing)
21. A pair of great sandals or two. (thong, not-thong/crocs)
22. 2 pairs of shorts (or a short and a skirt)
23. 2 sexy dresses for clubbing
24. 3 breezy tops
25. 1 long sleeves top (for plane ride)
26. band-aid (or buy there)
27. NLB
28. anti-nausea pills
29. pro-biotics
30. toothpaste, toothbrush, floss
31. ear plugs
32. eyeliner (waterproof better)
33. aloe (or buy there)