Month: August 2017

I took a photo of Bubbles today, because it’s been exactly 5 months since I got it from Jeffrey. Bubbles has grown a bit side ways…the pot is too small for him.

I miss Jeffrey a lot lately. More so than usual. Period, perhaps?

I decided to post a photo of Bubbles the day I got it and 5 months later. I just wanted Jeffrey to like the post on Facebook.

Many people liked it, and, finally, Jeffrey did.

That was it. I didn’t expect anything else. But, deep down I guess I kinda hoped that he would message me.

Just like deep down I wished that Jeff would still message me.

Late at night, I decided to check out his FB page. I thought it was safe, since he still liked my post.. but I was wrong. He had found new love. Another Asian. He even used a heart in the post!

Sigh. I never even made it to his FB wall.

I felt sad. But, I feel a bit better now.

Him and I were not meant to be anyway. Sometimes I still remember the awkward silence between us. The feeling that we are not on the same wavelengths.

How amazing it is to be loved by someone who seems so sincere and pure…but, if we aren’t on the same level, it’s not gonna be a lasting and fun relationship anyway. I need to remember that.

I’m glad he’s found someone. I should be happy for him.

JL invited me to a naked beach party. Haha. That kinda cheered me up. I’m not going though.

I have to remember that Jeffrey and I were real. It was a good thing. He said he’s been looking for someone special, and I’m that someone special.

He said that I’m better than anyone he’s ever been with.

He said that I’m a 10 out of 10. I’m smart, funny, hot.

He said that I’m so loveable.

He said he’s never fallen in love so fast.

I do feel that he is gone for good though. His heart is with someone else now.

I wish I have someone to move on with. Even a playmate. But, there’s no one. Sigh.

I feel so lonesome. Dear God. Am I supposed to be so alone in this life? I’ve been single for 10 years now. Other people seem to be able to find someone in a matter of two months.

Frankly, sometimes I don’t envy people in long term relationships. But, sometimes being loved is amazing and comforting. I want my lover and I to be a force to be reckoned with. I want us to be incredible, to be funner than being alone, to achieve more together than on our own.

I believe my turn will come. We’ll shine. We’ll laugh together. We’ll feel free. We’ll love each other so deeply and passionately.

 

JL invited me to Tim’s Timbopalooza. I was surprised that he invited me. I’m still not a great player. I was overjoyed though!

He actually asked me in front of Mary. Mary is a much more advanced player than me. Then he asked Mary. Mary said she already got 2 invites.

Elan unfortunately was also going. I really don’t like him. He is so self-centred and not funny. I was especially annoyed by him after he asked to switch spots (so that he can spike).

I try to be amicable with him, but he is just so annoying.

Him and Mary won second place today. Mary really improved. This is in part because JL gave me and her a lot of chance to hit. Opposite of Elan.

I wish JL and I did better. The wind was not fun. It got better later on though.

We won 1 game and lost 2.

The funnest though, was when 5 girls played against 5 guys. We lost 19 to 21, but it was a pretty solid game up. I got to hit at least twice!

I’m improving. I’m not yet consistent, but I’m getting there.

Talked a bit with Mary. Her voice is really quiet, and she is very quiet. She came from a family of 7 siblings! She is 2nd. She works in health care…admin stuff. She’s been snowboarding since she was 12.

These people do a lot of exercise before and outside of volleyball. I can see why they are improving much faster than I am. It’s ok. I’ll get there 🙂

JL was hilarious. As we started the game, he pulled off his normal shorts, and showed his much shorter shorts.

He’d make them shorter during the game too. His ass is hairy. I wasn’t attracted, but at one point when I served, I hit his ass instead. I was obviously distracted.

He is pretty sweet of a person. We carpooled today. I was a bit excited to get to know him better. He is so young, 23. 14 years younger. But he looks older, and he is mature (Unlike Elan).

At 10pm he messaged me to see if I went out partying with these people. I didn’t. I think he was hoping for a ride. But part of me feels that he is attracted to me. It’s interesting. I’d never go there though. He is too young, he has a gf, and, even though he has stunning blue eyes, he has strange moles on him, and a hairy ass. I thought about if Matthew let his moles grow, and that they are raised…would I still be attracted?

Man, I got sunburnt on the face today…I better avoid that in the future.

There was one cute guy at the tournament today. Justin. Him and Gigi ended up winning too. He had a nice body, he looked older, and he had amazing blue eyes. He had red hair and freckles, but still very cute.

But…his voice is not very good…and his sense of humour not very good. We talked a bit about Shuswap. For some reason JL kept looking at me as I tried to flirt with Justin just by being friendly.

I wanted to get to know Justin more…because he was cute. He was wearing a hat, and I wondered if I’d be attracted to him if he was bald.

Turned out he has lots of hair.

And has a gf.

Sigh. I need to focus on my biz right now anyway.

 

 

Been a while since I wrote. At times I felt the urge to write, but then I’d do something more mindless instead.

I don’t know what is becoming of me.

Recently I had several mind-blown moments.

1. Simulation Theory – we live in a simulation
2. Reincarnation Theory – we live again and again
3. Hallucination – We live in a hallucination. Our brain “hallucinates” our reality. Signals go into the brain, brain predicts what is logically going to happen. Our physiology creates consciousness. More intelligence (AI) might not do it.

All of these cause me to wonder what is the point of anything?

There’s no point in thinking real hard about this…

I want love. I want wealth. I want health.

All these things are so transient. None of which is permanent.

We seek these things. Then we die.

 

 

 

Was packing for houseboating this weekend, and made this post:

I went to play volleyball. Had a great time with the On All 4’s group. They are so nice and so funny.

At around 11pm, I suddenly missed Jeffrey. I went to check FB, and he had just liked my post.

Though, I do miss him quite often, here and there.

I don’t dare to look at his profile since we last spoke, but today I did. He has been hiking, kayaking and he wrote a super funny post about how he hurt his nose. It’s so like him to be silly and clumsy, and then have a great sense of humour about it all. He wrote it like a film script. It was perfect. I didn’t know he can write. I think he is smarter then he lets on.

Sigh. I miss him. I want to message him that I still miss him. But I shouldn’t, and I won’t.

Josh Bailar, the entrepreneur I briefly met, also liked the post. An alopecia friend Carol said that I look great and made the bald look very powerful. He said he seconds what she says.

He’s been such a chicken about expressing his intentions since I met him. At the meetup he avoided partnering up with me it seems. Though he did come up to say hi as I left. Then he asked me to a meetup, but it was very last minute. Then when he said no to my invite to houseboating, he said to let him know if I’m ever in Gastown. How lame is that?

Oh well. He doesn’t seem overly interesting anyway. Hasn’t made any real funny statement.

I’ve been talking to Joel. He does somewhat turn me on, even though I don’t want to date him. We are friends, which I’m glad. He is not as funny as Jeffrey though.

Jeffrey is funny, and I think if we spend more time together, he’d become even more playful and funny. It has been uncultivated I think.  He is a ball of sunshine, and I love that. He is so special.