So Patrick came last night and left today.
I was not expecting to see him again, after him not contacting me on July 15th, the one day that he was in. He forgot to contact me. How insincere. I wasn’t gonna let him back into my life, because I didn’t want things to end badly. So I said goodbye.
He messaged me a couple times since. He kept saying he can’t change the past but doesn’t want a lil mistake ruin something bigger. The last conversation changed my mind because he said he’ll change his flight and fly from Kelowna to Vancouver to spend some time with me, before flying over to LA.
I guess that’s sincere enough.
When I said yes, he was so happy. I asked him to txt me when he has landed, and he called exactly when he landed. He got here shortly after 10pm. That’s much more responsible than before. He needed to be treated that way to behave better probably.
He was like, see, I got here. He was proud of himself. It was a hard thing for him I guess. (I appreciated it though. No guy has ever done that for me. ) He was so unorganized in life. Went to his hair cut appointment at 11 when it was at 10. Got to the airport, didn’t reserve the $25 extra luggage check-in and had to take out 7kg worth of stuff worth $200, as opposed to paying $160 for the extra luggage.
I had been cleaning the house on and off for two days, in preparation for him. It was a mess here before. As I cleaned, I had to take breaks, because I got anxiety episodes from thinking about him. I was excited, nervous. I felt happy but I felt sad. I felt like crying. My heart felt heavy. I haven’t seen him in two years, and can’t believe all this thinking about him finally will materialize into seeing him. I had no idea what he looked like anymore, but part of me knows that it didn’t matter what he looked like. He is the love of my life, in a way.
So he showed up. His hair was long, he had a slight beard. His arms got bigger, but the rest of him was still lean. Tiny waist, tiny bubble butt. He still looked fucking amazing.
We kissed, made out. A little bit awkward, but a little bit natural.
We had some great sex in Jennifer’s bedroom. He slowly took his pants off. I was impatient and I quickly pulled his pants down. His dick sprung out and hit my face. What an awkward start haha.
There’s a mirror there. He liked my ass. And he liked my head. He’d stroke my bald head. I felt so comfortable being me around him, even without makeup. It felt different than before. It was good, but it wasn’t super passionate. There was a bit of an awkward distance between us….or maybe it wasn’t a fresh experience anymore.
He got the shivers after orgasms. So many of them. It was really cute. I got those when I masturbate and get a really really good orgasm, not from sex. Maybe I never cum from sex. Don’t know.
I had my period, so we had to shower each time we had sex. We only had sex twice. But that’s quite normal with him. Only with Josh do I do 5 times a day. I kinda missed Josh.
Instead, we chatted a lot. He definitely has an interesting mind. A philosopher’s mind. He likes to think about existential questions. If Will Smith was his dad, he’d be exactly like Jayden. Hotter though. He didn’t go to university. He is not together enough for it anyway. He isn’t the brightest / most scientific, but not dumb.
When I talked, he listened. He never interrupted me, or if he did, he’d always jump back to where I left off. That I really liked about him. I guess he has good short term memory and attention span.
We actually think a lot alike. He doesn’t want kids. I was so surprised, because he loves kids (I love guys that love kids, but wouldn’t want to have kids with the guy. I didn’t know it’s possible for a guy to be both). He likes being naked. He likes to be stared at and doesn’t think badly of anyone staring. (He loves himself. Maybe too much.) He values freedom more than anything. He doesn’t really have a home nor does he want to settle. We both like to think about existential topics. In some ways, we are the same in the core.
I didn’t ask much about him. I figured he’s been single for some time. He went back to Australia. Worked, paid off some debt. Went to Mexico once. Was in BC for 6 weeks, mostly in Kelowna where his sister and mom are. He’s got 1 older half brother, and 2 older sisters. Now he is moving to LA because he has his dual citizenship now. He wants to be a personal trainer.
He was interested in my rings. I didn’t expect that. They were like, returned rings that I had sitting on the living room table. I said I can give him one. He put two on and looked good, and asked if he can have two.
I’m glad it happened. He always likes my stuff. He paid for the bow tie, not because he wanted them, just because he wanted me, I think. He didn’t even own a suit. In fact not even a collared shirt. I think deep down it’s the same reason why he liked those rings and put them on.
When I was sizing him with different rings, he’d always stick out his ring finger for me to put it on him. I didn’t make it seem like a big deal, but inside I felt it was symbolic. I do still believe that we were married in a life time. And I suddenly started to cry uncontrollably as I typed that…I dunno why.
Stolen moments we have. It seems. So short a time we get to spend with each other. But any more, we probably won’t gain.
Sleeping with him was fine. He was very still. But I couldn’t sleep. Never can when a guy sleeps over. I thought about Josh, who also slept over that time.
He had his arm under my neck, which was nice. But at night he suddenly withdrew his arm and turned away, then turned back and wrapped himself up in a blanket. That felt like how it’d be if we were to date. He’d suddenly do that.
I got up at 8am and puttered around. He got up at 10:30. He actually made us breakfast. Scrambled eggs and tomatoes, with avocados, Lemon juice.
I’m not sure where I was after, but he put the dishes away. Not bad. Could’ve done the dishes, but that’s good enough. He cooked!
I joked that he should stay and cook for me. He was like, You’ll eat scrambled eggs every day. I asked what was the most complicated dish he’s cooked, he said eggs and tomatoes, haha.
I had no desire to have sex with him this morning. Neither did he. We seemed to have very little to say to each other.
He was waiting for his friend to come by to pick him up. Called her 3 times and was frustrated. I said, Aw, sucks doesn’t it, when someone is unreliable. He smiled and said shut up, lol.
I felt like I wasn’t entertaining him enough. There’s something very passive about him. Nothing aggressive I can do or will do to counter that.
We talked more about my rings, and he gave me some good insights. I appreciated that. He thinks they need not be labeled as wedding rings.
Here’s another thing we have in common. The inside of one of the ring samples I showed him said, Now and Forever. He just got a tattoo that said that in Spanish.
My rings have my logo on them, which is a symbol of eternity. He got a tattoo on his finger of the Egyptian symbol Ankh, which means eternal life.
I should’ve said that I felt we were connected. But maybe he knew that already.
His friend didn’t come because turned out she blacked out and went to the hospital. He wanted her to pick him up at noon, so he can get a haircut and then head to his flight at 4pm.
I could’ve offered to give him a ride, but I didn’t let him know that I have a car. I just didn’t feel that it was worth me doing. It changes my role with him. I’m not his friend who is willing to drive him around. I’m his love interest.
I snapped a photo of him which he deleted. But, haha, it was synced immediately to my computer. It’s blurry, but I’m happy I got some record of him.
He is quite self-obsessed. He got new tattoos (which was not nearly as great as just having his original tattoo), he got his nose pierced, he got new finger tattoos (which also did nothing). He moisturizes with hypoallergenic moisturizer, uses retinol reface for his face, uses lip balm before going to bed (actually not a bad idea), uses coconut oil for his whole body, and cares a lot about fitness & what muscles he wants to build.
I guess when you look so good, you put a little more effort in.
I think he is 25 now. Prime of his life. He is fucking gorgeous. But I know that he will be attractive to me no matter what he does to his physical appearance. Even if he is balding, he is still hot. He is the only guy that I can say that about.
I recorded a video but for some bizarre reason it’s silent. I felt so violated by that. But it was still a cute video.
His hair was actually really cute. It was a medium brown, soft and curly. He looked really good. I thought he was gonna be too bulked up and man-like for me, but he is still youthful, boy-like. He’s got the longest eye lashes, a cute nose that looks black straight on and caucasian from the side, a pair of soft sexy lips, care-free hair, and the most gorgeous body. He was still a model. And his dick was just the right size. Didn’t hurt, felt great.
I don’t know if he just doesn’t know how to express his love for me other than to fly over here, fuck, talk, and to put two of my rings on… In many ways he was aloof and illusive, esp. the next day. He didn’t look at me in a way that made me feel desired (Not sure if he ever did though). He didn’t seem horny at all the next day (Neither was I though). He didn’t ask certain questions, like who were you talking to (Dad called and I spoke to him in Mandarin), didn’t “snoop around” at the stuff I had lying around such as the bow ties, the biz card. (He did take an interest in the rings though.)
Not sure what to make of it all. Sex sort of hit the spot. I wanted more intimacy I guess.
Well, at least this ended fine. Fine enough that, in a couple of years we’ll probably still want to see each other again. And I thank my Goddess.