Category: Uncategorized

Today, I had dinner with Elena. I haven’t seen her in a long time. It was nice to catch up.

She said she missed me. I honestly haven’t missed her much. I think she is super nice and sincere, but I don’t think she is super funny or smart or inspiring. BUT she can be a bit funny, and I learn stuff talking to her sometimes. Oh and she is very reliable and thoughtful.

She wants to go to Bali in January for her 50th! And she wants to do so much! This was a new side of her! Turned out that’s how she likes to travel, but Emil only wanted to lie on the beach, so that’s what they usually do on vacations!

I’m becoming more and more convinced that I don’t want a boyfriend or a husband.

She said half of her friends are divorced. And she said that as people get old and sick, they don’t have the capacity to take care of each other. They just get annoyed with each other and wish the other person wasn’t there. Wow. That makes sense.

We went to Jungle Room. The food was pretty good, the price was too high for what you get though. The springrolls were the best there. Octopus dish was mostly bread. Wouldn’t go back.

She said her and Emil have had sex twice this year, and she thinks Emil would’ve been fine if it was 0 times. He is sad that an opportunity to make lots of money and to move to Florida fell through.

Meanwhile, Elena is excited about her girls trip to Bali! It’ll be her first trip without him! I’m shocked.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they separate. And if they do, I think Elena would be much happier! She said her hikes with her girlfriends are way more fun than her hikes with Emil and Teo.

Teo is just a selfish brat.

---

I had a brief chat with John today. Stocks are doing well. $6.85M in IBKR, and $1.8M in TD, plus $310K cash I put into TD. So John’s managed amount is $8.65M, and I have about $325K USD in cash. But I owe mom $400K CAD.

So I guess my net worth is $9M CAD. Business is worth at least $1M USD.

I told him I’m going to the Jungle Room with Elena. He said I can drop by before. I said maybe after.

After dinner, I went to drop by his place, but he didn’t pick up. Turned out he was with his “friend” in the sauna.

Ugh. I was so upset. Because, I needed to use the washroom and I thought he said I could come by after, but he said before not after. I was also upset because it suddenly dawned on me that he hasn’t been picking up my phone calls.

He also has been unattentative on the calls, but that’s typical of him I guess. And he has made the calls quite short, which I pointed out and he tried to rectify one time.

Sigh. I was so mad thinking about it as I lied in bed, I had to get up and type this out.

I thought about all the threatening things I’ll say and do. Get my keys back, never pick up his calls again, never see him again.

Tears started to well up as I thought about how he put 0 thought in to my bday this year, bought me the worst flowers (green, perfumey, and clearly he was going on a date and picked up these uglier flowers for me). I thought about how he doesn’t trust me with his keys. I thought about bad I feel every time I’ve been on the phone with him, because he wasn’t present and because he is negative and dismissive.

And yet, I feel sad and jealous that he is dating.

Deep down, I’m still somewhat attracted to him physically. He is getting old now, but he is as good as it gets for a 45 yo guy.

But I gotta remember, his personality sucks. He sucks in bed. He sucks as a friend. He sucks as a boyfriend. He sucks sucks sucks.

The only things he is good for are:

1. Made me a lot of money
2. Verbally appreciative of me
3. Will try to do better after doing everything wrong

I just need him to make me more money.

I’m done with having him as a friend.

Now the question is, should I say anything to him?

I think, next time he calls, I’ll just not pick up. For as long as it feels right, I won’t pick up. Maybe the next week or month…

I won’t arrange meeting up with him either. He had proposed that we hang out once a month, after I called him out. But so far he has not asked me when I’m free, and he’s had no plans. I’m gonna put 0 pressure there. We’ll see how long it is before he made a real effort to see me.

So for the next little while or long while, I’ll simply let him go. I’ll stop putting the effort in. I’ll only reply to him in whatsapp if he messages me. And will mostly be in emojis.

Sure I’ve been mad at him before, but I always let him know why I was mad, and I always give him the chance to talk it out / justify / make it up. Not this time. I’m actually done this time. Not going to put more effort in than he puts in. Not going to tell him to treat me better. No instructions this time. Just coldness. Just avoidance.

In the past little while, he has:

1. Not putting any thought into my bday
2. Not initiate meeting me for 3 months
3. Not picked up the phone when I called
4. Bought me the ugliest flowers
5. Cut our calls short
6. Not been present in our calls
7. Forgotten to message me back in whatsappI know other people have had worse ex’s, but, I just don’t need this downer in my life. I am happier when I don’t interact with him.

---

I had a realization today: most men are just not thoughtful.

Actually, Alison and Tammy’s husbands are pretty thoughtful.

Maybe Asian men are more thoughtful?

North American men suck (even if they are Asian).

I’ve been expecting local men to be thoughtful, and just end up being so disappointed.

I think I need to either adjust my expectations, or, only have brief exposures to men (i.e. flings).

A couple days ago, I was surprisingly still upset about Sid.

It’s been so long now. Why do I even think about it?

I guess it’s because he is more active than ever at Spikeball. That annoys me. I wish he’d go away like Hilda and Rob eventually did.

I thought about what it is that made me so upset still, and realized that it’s rejection.

He flirted with me, and I developed a crush on him, and he flaked out on me, which basically meant he didn’t have a crush on me.

Recently, I learned that 2 other guys didn’t have a crush on me.

Herry (whose name is gross anyway) was clearly more into Nicole (sigh…If I was 22 years younger, I’d be more likely able to compete), and invited her and Dips to his potluck in front of / near me. That was a double dis because he was not interested in me AT ALL.

Then again, I know John R. is interested in me, but he never invited me to anything. He invited other girls but not me. I didn’t let that get to me because I’m not interested in him.

Another one is realizing that Brian has been dating someone, and then got dumped. He thought the dates were going perfectly. That upset me because thinking back, he flaked out on my party as well. And I had a crush on him briefly too…took a while because he is ugly IMO. But what sucks the most is that, he didn’t try very hard to date me it seems.

I gotta know that, there are many reasons why people try hard or less hard, are attract or are not attracted. It works out when 2 people are mutually attracted and trying. It could be timing, it could be luck. It’s a complex equation. It doesn’t have to do with a person being more worthy or not.

I guess if someone is young and beautiful, they have the best shot. More than anything else.

I mean, look at Elijah Kim. I’ve barely interacted with him, and I’m pining for him. Because he has the nicest body of anyone I know atm.

I miss the days when I could have sex with hot guys with perfect bodies. Patrick, Matthew, Josh, Devan, John.

They are all old now. I know Patrick has gained weight and his hairline receded. 10 years ago, hot damn he was perfect1 Perfect body, perfect face.

Keilor. I don’t miss him anymore. The memory of him and of us has faded….

But he made me laugh, he listened to me and remembered what I said, he was gracious/non-judging, he was the best kisser I’ve had, and, he was probably the healthiest (mentally) of them all. And the most fun to be around.

He didn’t have a perfect body. And he was very short. And his dick was barely big enough. He was, physically, not the same caliber as the kind of guys I used to get, but, personality-wise, he was one of the best! And, he is 18 years younger than me. I have no complaints. I’m SO grateful to have our encounter!

Lately, biz stress or peri-menopause got me to not crave sex anyway.

As a society, it’s harder and harder to find sincere guys too.

Elijah – I want him. He is only 22 or 23 though. And he is Christian. And he lives in Richmond, probably with his parents. He is a kid lol.

---

I played Spikeball with Catherine, Pranav, and (Indian) Sean yesterday. Oh and Ian (from BC Roundnet) came too.

It was fun!

The funniest moment was when 3 dogs ran around playing so hard ran into Pranav! We joked about how Pranav was invisible to the dogs hahaha

I always cherish good spikeball moments. Every now and then I miss Josh because he always runs for the balls. I also love all the laughing moments with eveyrone. Mylo, Dips, etc.

I’m still upset with Sid.

I have so much anger in me, I had to take a moment to figure out why I can’t forgive.

I think it’s 2 fold.

1, I REALLY care about these qualities in people: fun, sincere, reliable. Oh and I like people who are outgoing / brave / bold. That’s why I like Nicole Y. and Yesol and Ayumi so much especially when all 4 of us hang out! I really don’t like flakes, that’s why Hilda and Rob and Sid really pissed me off.

2, I felt rejected by Sid. He was flirty with me. But he was going on dates. That should’ve been a clear sign that he wasn’t interested in me.

I mean, I’m among girls in their 20s and 30s. I look good for my age, but I’m still clearly older. I might be the most fun, interesting, smart, and athletic, but youth is such a plus. I mean, I’m into younger guys myself, who am I to fault guys for preferring younger women?

It’s just that I never failed to be the one that guys have a crush on. I had never been defeated. But now, it happens. Herry is clearly not interested in me. Sid is not (though he still tries to be on my good side…but it’s too late).

I can’t think of anyone at Spikeball that has a crush on me actually. I imagine myself being so rizzy, and yet, no one has made an effort to court me. I know who always checks out my IG stories though. Shane, Sim. And now Pranav, (Korean) Sean. Sometimes John R. John is the only one that made it somewhat obvious that he finds me attractive. No one else did lol.

On the other hand, it’s good that I’m not crushing on anyone at Spikeball. It’s my playground and I wouldn’t want it to get tainted if a relationship failed.

Also, imagine if Sid was actually interested in me and we dated. We’d break up in months, and he’d be flirting with all the girls at Spikeball. That would’ve sucked even more! Also, based on his fingers, he probably has a small dick!

Then there’s Herry, who has a gross name. And somewhat feminine and vein.

I think, if a guy is interested in me, my bar is pretty low. But because they aren’t interested, I dodged a bullet.

OH and there’s Elliot, who was flirty with me, but then also showed so much interest in Eddy’s gf Rebecka. That grosses me out.

Oh and Reza, who was REALLY flirty with me, but then revealed that he was on a date. WTF. I was so grossed out I didn’t even want to go to his bday party. He is 29 and said age is just a number. But, he is not that cute and is quite scrawny, and is studying to become a dental assistant which is quite unattractive to me.

Basically, if a guy is in heat (i.e. in gf searching mode), he’ll hit on anyone really.

I want a good, high quality guy, sure. But those guys are rare, and if not taken, they have so many options.

 

 

Silicone ring customer avatars can vary widely based on lifestyle, interests, and needs. Here’s a comprehensive list of potential customer avatars:

### 1. **Fitness Enthusiasts**
– **Demographics**: Ages 18-45, both genders.
– **Interests**: Weightlifting, CrossFit, yoga, running.
– **Needs**: Comfortable, durable rings that can withstand sweat and rigorous physical activity.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional metal rings are uncomfortable or dangerous during workouts.

### 2. **Outdoor Adventurers**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-50, both genders.
– **Interests**: Hiking, climbing, camping, water sports.
– **Needs**: Rings that are waterproof, durable, and won’t get damaged or lost during outdoor activities.
– **Pain Points**: Concern about losing or damaging valuable traditional rings.

### 3. **Healthcare Professionals**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-60, predominantly women but also men.
– **Interests**: Nursing, doctors, paramedics, caregivers.
– **Needs**: Non-conductive, easy-to-clean rings that meet hygiene standards.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings are not practical or allowed in some healthcare settings.

### 4. **Manual Labor Workers**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-55, predominantly men.
– **Interests**: Construction, mechanics, electricians, plumbers.
– **Needs**: Safe, non-conductive rings that won’t cause injury or damage while working.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional rings can cause injury or discomfort during manual labor.

### 5. **Parents and Caregivers**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-45, predominantly women but also men.
– **Interests**: Raising young children, daycare workers.
– **Needs**: Soft, safe rings that won’t scratch or hurt children, easy to clean.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional rings can be uncomfortable or unsafe around children.

### 6. **Travel Enthusiasts**
– **Demographics**: Ages 20-50, both genders.
– **Interests**: Traveling, exploring new places, backpacking.
– **Needs**: Lightweight, low-maintenance rings that are less likely to be lost or stolen during travel.
– **Pain Points**: Worry about losing valuable rings while traveling.

### 7. **Wedding and Commitment Couples**
– **Demographics**: Ages 20-35, both genders.
– **Interests**: Engaged or married couples looking for alternative rings.
– **Needs**: Affordable, customizable, and symbolic rings that can be worn daily.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional metal rings are expensive and may not fit their lifestyle.

### 8. **Tech Professionals**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-45, predominantly men.
– **Interests**: Working in tech, coding, IT support.
– **Needs**: Non-conductive, comfortable rings that won’t interfere with technology.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings can be uncomfortable or pose risks when working with electronics.

### 9. **Eco-Conscious Consumers**
– **Demographics**: Ages 18-40, both genders.
– **Interests**: Sustainability, environmentally friendly products.
– **Needs**: Rings made from eco-friendly materials, possibly biodegradable or recyclable.
– **Pain Points**: Concern about the environmental impact of traditional rings.

### 10. **Fashion-Conscious Individuals**
– **Demographics**: Ages 18-35, predominantly women.
– **Interests**: Fashion, accessories, personal style.
– **Needs**: Stylish, colorful rings that can be mixed and matched with outfits.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional rings may not be versatile enough to match their fashion sense.

### 11. **Athletes**
– **Demographics**: Ages 18-40, both genders.
– **Interests**: Sports, particularly team sports or individual competitive sports.
– **Needs**: Lightweight, durable rings that won’t interfere with athletic performance.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings are uncomfortable or risky during sports activities.

### 12. **Military and Law Enforcement**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-50, predominantly men.
– **Interests**: Military, police work, firefighting.
– **Needs**: Durable, safe rings that won’t interfere with their duties or equipment.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings can be unsafe or impractical in their line of work.

### 13. **Minimalists**
– **Demographics**: Ages 20-45, both genders.
– **Interests**: Simple, functional lifestyle, minimalism.
– **Needs**: Simple, understated rings that align with a minimalist lifestyle.
– **Pain Points**: Traditional rings are often seen as excessive or unnecessary.

### 14. **People with Metal Allergies**
– **Demographics**: All ages, both genders.
– **Interests**: Those who have allergies or sensitivities to metals.
– **Needs**: Hypoallergenic rings that won’t cause skin irritation.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings cause allergic reactions or discomfort.

### 15. **Pet Lovers**
– **Demographics**: Ages 25-50, predominantly women.
– **Interests**: Owning and caring for pets, animal rescue.
– **Needs**: Soft, durable rings that won’t hurt pets or get damaged during pet care.
– **Pain Points**: Metal rings can be uncomfortable or unsafe when handling animals.

This list covers a wide range of potential silicone ring customers, each with unique needs and pain points that can be addressed with targeted products and marketing strategies.

 

 

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a little while.

Sometimes I feel so grateful I want to write about what I’m grateful for.

Sometimes I get caught up, feeling annoyed / stressed / taking the good for granted almost, and I want to write about what I’m grateful for.

So I want to write about all the things I love and enjoy these days.

1) Spikeball today is another fun day! Tuesday at Sunset Beach. It was so fun. I got a few good games in, and laughed super hard with Pranav and Catherine. At one point we were squatting around the net playing t-rex spikeball hahaha. We were stretching around the net too cuz we were all so tired. Played with some seasoned players such as Sim, Jonathan, Eddie, and John, but didn’t play with Elliot, Olivier, and a couple guys from BC Roundnet, Wanna play with them more next time!

2) Last Thursday I played with Eddie’s gang at Killarney Park. The grass was beautiful. I didn’t even bring shoes. I kicked of my flip flops and was ready to play. Everyone put on their cleats hahaha. I learned so much that day! They spray paint the serving zone (7′) and the no hit zone. They don’t take the nets apart cuz it took too long to set up. They played with 20, 30 balls at once. Justin spent some time teaching me. So did Will and Elijah. I went without a wig. Oh and Francois was there. He also put on cleats! He stepped on my bare foot. The next day I bought cleats.

3) Last Saturday I played in Eddie’s tournament. I was second last. Elaine, an elite player (Jeff’s) girlfriend was the only person worse than me. It was hard, but I learned a lot! Nick’s wife Maddy gave me some pointers. She was on Team Canada but tore her ACL playing spikeball. I asked her how she got good. She said she took a year off work and just played/practiced everyday! Whoa! She taught me when to hit (on the downswing, near the hip), drills are super important before a game, and to remember to have fun. She was only 26 but she seemed so mature!

4) Elijah Kim is SO HOT. I haven’t seen anyone this hot in a while. I think he is around 20 though. I saw a photo on his FB page from 2018 and he was a kid then lol. But now he has the perfect body, cute face, and, is quite nice. I think about how I can leverage “crush power” and let it be my motivation to get really good at Spikeball. Can’t say I have a huge crush on him…but I do want to get really good at Spikeball! I learned today that Eddie has only played for 3 years! But he plays everyday! That’s why he’s on Team Canada!

5) My body is quite nice right now! I’m almost as lean as my target, my booty is lifted, and I’m tanned. Just have a tiny bit of belly to get rid of, and need to build more muscles, and get rid of my cellulite on the back of my thighs. I walk 10k almost everyday, and I want to

6) My mohawk is quite full now! I think it’s the fullest it’s ever been, ever since I had a mohawk, which is 10+ years ago! It’s not super clear what caused it. I did use BuLauLin, and Minoxidil. I also did some scalp massages. I also try to limit my gluten and sugar intake. Oh and I’ve been getting a lot of sun when I walk 10k outside! Now, people think it’s a hairstyle I choose.

7) I went to Sunset Beach, Eddie’s pickup games, and the tournament all without a wig on! It was WAY too hot!!

Drone that can be controlled with a glove or wrist wrap!

Harness the global warming energy, thereby getting free energy and lowering Earth’s temperature!

Getting lean in the waist and toned overall!

Make more friends – friends whom I can talk to about these topics, friends who have the time & money & desire to travel with me, friends who are funny, smart, playful, reliable, sincere, kind!

Manifest more fun flings!

Grow Knot Theory to 8 figures!

Find the best surgeon to give me an eye lift and philtrum lift!

Improve my energy level – through diet, through EBV eradication!

Improve my mood – through lowering stress, knowing myself, forgiveness, better health!

Improve my friend dynamic so people want to be my friend and I want to be their friend!

What trips to take in the cold rainy months!

Where would I live in the (near) future?

Memories of Keilor is subsiding.

John is dating and is super happy with the girl.

Brian has been dating and had “flawless dates” with the girl.

Alex Pinto never followed up with me after seeing me.

No one at spikeball is interested in me. Probably no one is worth my interest either. Spikeball friends are boring/unfunny people for the most part.

Spent time hosting Kent but he turned out to be boring and even annoying.

Stopped talking to Cyndi because she’s been an absent friend. It’s been like this a while, but the fact that she took over a week to reply to me was the last straw. I didn’t have to spell it out to her, but I did. Now we’re just not friends anymore.

ECF girls suck. Uninspiring most of them. Busy, non-responsive.

Hamptonites – nothing stemming from that so far.

Volleyball friends – ok as a larger group, but no one is worth spending all day with.

I feel undesired by guys and by my friends. I feel that I don’t have kindred spirits. People that I wanted to get to know better don’t want to hang out with me, and the few people who made an effort are the people I don’t like or don’t care to like (not funny, not smart, fake, cliche, etc) Summer for example. Kent too. Fake and cliche.

Nicole was dreadful to hang out with. I don’t know how she became so dreadful. She overthinks, is negative, and her bad energy is contagious.

I’m looking into healing my mind (I can manifest, I can forgive) and body (adrenals, EBV). I hope to get my happiness and motivation back!

 

 

 

IBKR: About $6M

TD: About $1.5M

Just found last 2 year’s tax returns in Simplii Financials: $36,591.05

And that I have $68,700 in PayPal

USD: 154.6+160+68.7=383.3K which is about $524K CAD (Although I do owe Mom $410K, used to pay John)

CAD: 48+36.5=84.5

So my liquid is 524+84.5=608.5

So my total net worth is about $8M CAD

Plus Knot Theory is probably worth $1.5M

Wow.

I am very blessed <3

 

 

 

I’m fascinated by this. Tesla is into manifesting!

3 wishes, 6 times a days, 9 seconds each

What will be my 3 wishes?

I thought about it long and hard. Let me make a list:

1. Energetic all day until bed time.
2. Can eat anything I want and stay toned and healthy
3. Full mohawk or full head of hair
4. Toned body with 11 abs
5. Look like a gorgeous 25 yo
6. Be one of top 5 best spikeball players in our meetup
7. Knot Theory does $10M revenue and 25% profit within a year, and growing
8. Have a core group of friends who are fun, smart, sincere, spiritually inspiring and intellectually stimulating, and have time and money to travel the world with me!
9. Have romantic, fun, and sincere flings, each one no more than 1 month apart.

____

So I completed the 9 day manifestation of having a romantic, fun, and sincere fling.

During this time, some things were stirred up, but no romance came.

For example at the passport office, mom and I met another mother-daughter team, and the mom wanted to match me up with her 46 yo son.

Or when I played spikeball with Olivier, Marcus, etc, Marcus has potential (and a boner)…but they none of them helped undo my net, so they all failed.

Kent is coming next week. But I’m not interested in him.

Brian invited me to a biz event, and he almost seemed flirty leading up to it. But, the next day he told me about having just split up with his gf. It was the first time I heard about his love life. That tells me that he has no romantic interest in me. I don’t want him, but I was still a bit shook that he absolutely gave up on me.

And John too….having started looking/dating, and telling me about that great first date he had. Sigh.

Keilor is not proactively engaged with my posts. He doesn’t post stories anymore. I guess he isn’t that active about posting stories, and the ones he posted before were for me? I still love him and miss him, but, I’m sad that he is not here with me…

I guess overall, my eyes were more open to guys I have encountered, and there were more encounters. But, nothing came out of any of these.

It’s like the Universe is trying, but there’s just not much available haha.

But the universe is abundant. I can’t imagine how on earth I’ll have my next fling…it all seems very improbable….but, so was Keilor.

Also, I found a fanny pack that is just like what I wanted (needs some sewing though). So that’s a sign that I can manifest!

And today I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, and a couple found love at 85, and the woman said she’s had daily orgasms since she was 15 haha. That’s gotta be a sign!

Though, I have 4 bunny vibrators now (binge shopping recently), and I watched some doctor porn today and was able to give myself a pretty good orgasm!

These past few days I’ve just been walking around naked in the house (it’s too hot!) and barely working. I haven’t been very motivated to do much, not even Spikeball. I’ve been slowly cleaning up the house, and walking 10,000 steps (1.5hours of walking) daily, and pilates.

It’s as though I’m still on vacation!

I’ve been back from Costa Rica for 2 months now lol

Did I catch an illness? Did I catch the “vacation bug”?

It’s hard to “reel the heart back” once you let it roam free.

I’m grateful that some things have been delegated. Email campaigns, CRO (Branding). If shit hit the fan, I would be forced to bring myself back into work mode. Thankfully, things have been smooth for the most part. (Knock on wood!!) which allowed my mind to relax. Now I think about it, during my vacation in Costa Rica, my mind was actually somewhat stressed. Surfing, socializing, travelling, moving. Lots to worry about. Maybe my brain needed to recover.

Oh and missing Keilor. I think that is a bit draining too.

And my new found goal of working less hard while scaling to 8 figures, and travelling during the cold 6 months every year.

Oh and maybe the fact that I no longer have.a weekly Commit Action call, I got lazy. I don’t miss the stress though!

I think i need to pick myself up from the floor and set some goals again.

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July 22, 2024 Update:

I finished 9 days of saying to myself, “I attract sexy, playful, sincere flings” a little while ago.

Nothing happened. Sigh.

Just sadness.

John has been going on dates with someone.

Brian had a gf.

Kent visited but he was boring and annoying by day 3.

The mom, Suzy, from the passport office wanted to hook me up with her 46yo son. Nothing came out of that.

 

Life is good, truly.

When I think about it, what I do now are simply to keep up the good life, with a little bit of enhancement! That’s how you know life is good 🙂

I want to keep looking young (younger, prettier),
keep being healthy and active (more energy and stamina),
keep being fit (11 lines for abs, lifted ass, toned body overall),
keep thriving in biz (surpass $10M),
keep being rich (more biz profit, invest more)

And the desire to improve upon what’s already good – that’s just human nature.

I suppose the desire to keep thing good / same is also human nature.

I miss Keilor.

I try to not look back too much. Look forward. There might be more cute guys in my future! haha

I’m thankful for Keilor, and the Universe for allowing us to meet.

How much he’s changed my outlook!

Before Costa Rica trip, I was so sad, and feeling unattractive. I had been a virgin for 2 years, and hadn’t had luck attracting guys that I thought were cute.

Actually maybe just one guy, Sid. But he turned out to be an insincere flake, and was not worth knowing anyway. The Universe knew better than to allow us to have a fling. Thank you.

Keilor is so much more sincere, not to mention, way cooler, being a pro surfer with the cutest butt. Oh and way more fun and playful!

Sid was just the best option amongst the very lame options (Spikeball geeks).

Now the cutest guy at Spikeball is probably Herry (terrible name!) But he is just ok cute and he doesn’t seem interested.

Josh is a new Asian guy. Very young, not that good looking, long arms and softish-sticky-ish high fives. BUT, somehow I’m a little drawn to him. Not sure why. Maybe cuz I’m a pedo hahah. The younger the cuter lol.

What I’m working on these days:

1. Lift butt
   1. Have done pilates for 8 days in the past 10 days, and seeing results already!
2. Slim belly
   1. Maybe too much Doritos – never buy 3 bags of chips at once ever again!
   2. Maybe eating too late on Spikeball days. Need to figure out if eating dinner before or after
3. Slim waist
4. Slim inner thighs
5. Grow hair
6. Reduce age spots on face
7. More hydrated skin
8. More relaxed neck
9. More energy
10. More toned arms, legs, body
11. Less eye floaters
12. Heal my left forearm (volleyball injury)
13. Less butt cellulite
14. Firmer lower belly
15. Less face cellulite
16. More lifted and tone kegal muscles

Gosh, so many things to improve. Racing against the clock lol.

I wish there’s an easier way to stay young forever!

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Today, I used a dildo. Usually I use my vibrator, but today I wanted to try vaginal orgasm. I’m experimental perhaps because I’m ovulating haha. I know because of the watery foul smeller earlier in the day.

The dildo had a suction cup, so I was able to pin it to the bathroom wall and to a chair. I tried different positions. I was not that aroused!

I was a little surprised.

Turned out the position that got me the closest to an orgasm was side ways!

So it wasn’t about the direction/curve of the dick…I simply am more stimulated in the right way when I’m on my side!

Learned something new about myself haha

I was getting close to an O, and I said Keilor’s name. And suddenly I burst out in tears.

I didn’t want to cry, but it was a good release I suppose.

I’m torn between 2 thoughts. Thoughts of putting him on the pedestal (“He is so special, and he really cared about me”), and thoughts of “he’s not that great and we’re not that compatible anyway”

Ultimately both are true.

I don’t want to undermine our experience by belittling him. But sometimes I miss him so much I feel that I need to balance my hopelessly romantic side with some practical thoughts.

But I stop myself from getting to far in that direction.

If he messages me, I would melt. I would fall hard for him straight away lol.

Next thing you know, I’d be flying over there.

 

I’ve discovered the joy of solo travel, and the joy of traveling, again.

The world is my oyster, really. I have money, time, and I still look youthful.

First stop: get even more youthful haha

Eye lift and lip lift. Maybe neck too? Maybe eyelash transplant. And find the best way to boost skin youthfulness.

Where is the best place for it?

I want to get toned this summer, do facercises and lymphatic massages (focus on jaw reduction), and play Spikeball.

In autumn/winter, I’ll do these surgeries.

Then, travel the world!

I want to go to Turkey, Egypt, Madagascar, Japan (bunny island), do more surfing and eventually do artificial wave machines

Maybe I want to live in a place for a month instead of short bursts. Arrange for someone to live at my place …

I’m just thinking about my first day with Keilor.

First impression, a new guy? Damn why is it not one of the other two instructors?

He was enthusiastic though.

We went to the beach and he asked “Are you busy today? Cuz I’m free today.”

We started making waves out of sand so he can explain wave theory to me.

Told me he is really good. He’s been surfing since he was 5, and now he is 26. Asked how old I was. I said that’s not a question you ask girls! And laughed and said I was ageless.

He asked me to show him my skill by riding 3 whitewater waves. After 2, he said we are ready to head out to the deep.

He taught me how to turtle roll. I did it, and we paddled out.

I rode two big waves successfully! One to the left and one to the right. I was thrilled!

When waiting for the waves, we talked.

I don’t remember exactly what he said/asked, but I was laughing lots with him. He said I laughed a lot. And later said I have a beautiful smile.

At some point I said I wanted to get more toned. He said I had a beautiful body. He’d always compliment in Spanish and then translate it.

Though at the same time he got self conscious that he doesn’t have a 6 pack. He looked inside his top and he said he only has a 4 pack.

I told him about staying in a treehouse in Monteverde. We joked about me waking up with a sloth in one arm and Tarzan in another.

Later on when we got back, he showed me a video of him with longer hair and so he can be like Tarzan too lol

He asked if I would go to Selina’s the next day. I said maybe.

After we got back, we talked and laughed some more, and he cut a mango for me. We saw a squirrel eating a mango and thought it was so cute.

He also asked for my IG. All these gestures, and I didn’t quite know that he liked me!

When I left, it’s already been 3 hours! (Later he told me he actually got into trouble a bit for spending so much time with me.)

I walked away with so much joy in my heart. Finally a good instructor who cares!

I think later that day I felt something towards him, and wanted to go to Selina’s.

After dinging at Huacas, Janelle and I went to Selina’s. It was raining hard and Keilor wasn’t there.

I was a bit disappointed but I didn’t say for sure I would go anyway. Later on I learned that the rain made him decide to not go. I don’t blame him. The roads were terrible there. They turned to mud when it rained.

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Janelle thought everyone was hot, including Keilor. At first I said she can have him, but I started to feel something for him later that night.

The next day, Janelle came with me to the surf school. She was flirty with Keilor, and Keilor was kinda flirty too. A part of me hated that most likely if she had lessons with him, they would’ve hooked up too. Alas, fate put Keilor and I together.

He learned from her that we went to Selina’s. He was surprised and seemed bummed that he didn’t go.

During our class, he explained again that it was raining hard so he didn’t go. He asked me to show him the dance moves I learned. He asked if I danced with a lot of guys. I said “No I’m picky. I’m attracted to very few people”.

I think he kinda pieced it together that I was there for him.

I was getting beat up by the waves. It was high tide at 10am.

He asked if I wanted to sit on the beach for a bit.

At this point I was happy just to spend time with him. We sat on the beach and just talked. I was a bit nervous around him on this second day. I even lost a game of tic tac toe. So embarrassing.

But he thought I was smart… I guess because I’m successful.

He asked my age again and I refused to tell him.

We weren’t really flirting… he said he wanted to make me a (fish) tail out of sand, started, and stopped.

Maybe it’s harder to flirt with someone you have feelings for!

My feelings for him brewed and flourished overnight it seemed.

I acted differently. More cute.

He was a bit more serious.

He asked if I wanted to try turtle eggs, or see the sea turtles. I immediately said Yes! I wouldn’t pass an opportunity to experience Costa Rica from a local’s eye.

And of course, a part of me was thinking, is he wanting to spend time with me outside of the class? Does this mean he likes me?

After we got back, he asked again, and I said yes again.

I was so excited! I thought we were gonna go right after class!

But then he went to the bathroom, and right before that, he said bye. I was so disappointed and confused…

Later, I dm’d him to find out what’s up. He said yes he’d like to take me to see the turtles after my dinner.

I was happy again. Though I wonder if I didn’t dm him, what would’ve happened?

I had a long dinner that Collin cooked (6 courses, 2.5 hours!). It was very so so, and I had no appetite! I just wanted to go on my date!

As 9pm approached, I felt more and more horny, and increasingly certain that this was not gonna be a platonic hangout. There was still a little bit of doubt though. I learned that sea turtle watching was at night by default….so it could’ve been just a wholesome invite.

I wore my long colourful floral dress. I looked good! Also, it was the first time he saw me in a wig!

He came on his motorcycle, which looked cool. And he was wearing a black wife-beater and glasses. He looked cute. His biceps were so defined and hot. He thought I looked really good too, and twirled me.

I wanted to show him my room, but he said he was too shy. I thought, oh, I guess no sex tonight!

I hopped on the back of his motorcycle, and put my arms around his waist. We both giggled. This was for sure a date! (Also, he is ticklish)

The next part was probably my favourite. As we rode towards Ostional, his town, it just felt great being with him and holding him!

We’d chat and laugh. I’d talk into his ear.

I reveled in that moment. I loved every second of it.

We rode past a bush and all the frogs in it started “laughing”. I was startled and he was surprised that frogs didn’t sound like this in North America lol. I told him they say “ribbit” instead.

Another surprise was the stray dogs barking at us and chasing after us as we rode by! It felt like a video game!

I felt so safe with him though. He is so athletic, he knows how to ride well.

We arrived at his parent’s house, where his dog Cooper (a beagle) and another dog greeted us.

He parked his bike there. There were about 10 surf boards there. He showed me one, and it has his name on it. It was sent to him by his sponsor. That means he is pro. So cool.

We walked to the beach. He was prepared with a red flash light and some bug spray.

When we got there, he extended his elbow out for me. I thought that was weird so I held his hand instead.

So we walked on the beach, holding hands. So cute.

There were guards patrolling the beach, protecting the turtles.

He pointed out the egg shells on the beach. The turtles have hatched out of them!

They were soft shells. That was the first time I saw/touched turtle eggshells.

I think we were on the beach for 5 minutes before he took both of my hands and wanted to kiss me.

It was dark and hard to read his face, so I was a little surprised.

And omg, he was such an amazing kisser! His lips felt full, and he’d use his tongue, and he’d suck my entire mouth which really turned me on.

I was so blown away and so turned on during our makeout session. I was ready to have sex right there. I forgot that the guards are there lol.

My knees were weak. Ugh this was the best feeling!

I was wearing that long dress. He had to lift up a lot of skirt to feel me up lol.

When he did, he realized I was super wet.

He was like, Ok let’s go. Haha

We hadn’t even seen turtles yet, but the sex can’t wait ????

[11:34 pm, 21/05/2024] Tanya Huang: We went back to his parents. He said no one lives on the second floor so we can go there. It had a private entrance even!

It was hot in there. He turned on the AC but I was wet and sweaty already.

His dick was passable. He is probably just a little bit taller than me ..5’7 perhaps. He is smaller than Alex. And the tip is small. And there was a slight curve side ways. But workable!

I loved the way he admired my tits and ass.

I loved that he ate me out too.

When he sucked on my ears, it was as though an on switch was pressed.

We had fun!

He brought 2 condoms. He asked if I brought any. Well no, I’m a tourist who didn’t expect to have sex on a biz trip lol

He had such intensity when he looked at me during sex. Kinda hot, kinda cringe. But then, Alex was similar that way.

He liked to choke.

We also laughed a lot. He was a lil surprised that we/I laughed so much during a sex sesh.

We talked and made out and had more sex.

It was super fun.

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After sex, he asked me again how old I was. He guessed 35, I said no. He diplomatically asked, “Younger or older?” I said older, so he guessed 40. I said no, so he guessed 45.

After learning that I was 44, he was fine with it. He just wanted to know, but he said age didn’t matter. And since then, it really didn’t seem to matter to him.

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He took me home. The ride back was just as fun. We are more “close” now. I hugged him and sometimes rubbed his chest to keep him warm.

I asked how he felt (because he had felt a bit cold when a tiny bit of rain started). He said he felt GREAT.

The dogs didn’t chase after us this time! They were completely disinterested.

The frogs were still laughing though.

We talked all the way back. He was really good at making conversations and making me laugh.

We got back to my hotel. I jumped off his bike. We just looked at each other intensely. He was more intense than me. It felt like he tried to remember this moment forever. I like that.

He asked if I felt safe with him. I said YES. I 100% did. He was such a good rider and so sweet. It was an incredible night!

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I just remembered a couple more things.

On our second surf day, he found a perfectly heart-shaped rock! He gave it to me. I didn’t have pockets, so I said something about good luck, and tossed it back into the ocean lol. I later on remembered that he has zippered pockets, and I wish I had given it to him to safekeep.

Another thing was that he asked me what my favourite colour was. This was a good question because I didn’t expect to tell him so much about me.

I said red, because it’s the colour of love, passion, boldness.

He didn’t know for sure what his favourite colour was. He said probably blue because that’s the colour of the waves. I pointed out how the waves actually looked green lol.

He hasn’t been liking my stories and posts. I’m feeling a little sad. But I know it has to end eventually.

Tomorrow (Jun 3) I’m going to post about his surf school. I hope it goes well. I might post about our date the day after, but I won’t tag him.

Photos and videos:

http://knotheory.website/jour/videos/Keilor/

Oh Costa Rica, what a trip!

I feel so blessed to have experienced this trip, and I feel so blessed to be back, and I feel so blessed to be at this stage in my life at 44yo.

I’m young enough to enjoy everything like a 30yo. Old enough to have the experience and the financial / locational / time freedom.

Keilor has breathed new life into me. A 26yo being interested in me, and is actually sincere and sweet.

I feel reborn! I feel that I’ve lived a micro-life in Costa Rica where I eat-pray-love’d the shit out of it hahaha

Remembering my favourite moments in life, and finding the pattern – an exercise I did 2 years ago. I know that what makes me happy are: laughing so hard my belly hurts (usually a group setting), a romanic connection, cute animals, motion of freedom. (There’s a few more, but these are definitely the top of the top ones). And this Costa Rica trip ticked them all!

Ahh.. how lucky I am!

Many of it is by design. I sought out the cute animals, the surfing, and group trip. But meeting Keilor – that’s luck and it’s the cherry on top.

So I’m forever grateful for this blessing.

I have such fond memories with him.

When I was in my early 30s, I had a few sexy encounters. Matthew, Josh, Patrick, Idriss.

There was also that entrepreneur who looked 18…Brad. Sam from WifiTribe who was fun but micro. Mike Evans who was just a mutual crush.

Then from 38 to 42 – dating Nicolas (maybe this was at 32), Jeffrey, Alex, then John – it was dark times lol

Then 42 to 44 – the sexy encounters were Alex Pinto, Brandon, and Keilor.

I guess even though it felt like a dry spell the past 2 years, I still encounter someone once a year on average haha

A couple frustrations such as Sid (Actually not that cool or hot of a guy), Shuto (I mean, he is 2oyo…amazing that he even wanted to connect lol). Got hit on by several guy still, such as Suraj, Mylo, Allen, Arshan.

During this trip, people thought I was 30 or 31. That’s pretty good!

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My most favourite experiences with guys have always been flings, not relationships. I didn’t even feel much butterflies at the early stages of these relationships.

I thrive on sexual relationships.

What makes Keilor special though, is that he turns me on and he also makes me laugh, and we laugh a lot together.

Of all my sexy encounters, I think the only other person that made me laugh and cum were Matthew and Alex! Crazy when you think about it.

I mean, most guys are too stoic. They might make me laugh a little but they don’t laugh with me “hard”.

Most of these guys don’t laugh out loud! Sam and I had lot of laughs, but gosh, what a disaster in the bedroom!

Mike made me laugh, but he wasn’t a big laugher. Also we never slept together.

Also, I have spent one on one time with Sam and Mike, and it was surprisingly boring! No laughs.

Alex tells amazing stories and made me laugh, but he didn’t laugh much and he didn’t laugh at my jokes much. Sex was 10/10 though.

Keilor was the only one where we laughed so much together. Sex was 7/10, but good vibes is 10/10.

Sex ranking:

1. Alex Pinto – 10/10 – great dick, god-like skills, sexy vibes
2. Matthew – 9/10 – light hearted vibes, good looking guy, good fit, fun
3. Patrick – 9/10 – great looking guy, sexy, big dick
4. Josh – 7/10 – gorgeous, very touchy which was nice; no skills
5. Keilor – 7/10 – dick isn’t the best match, likes stuff I don’t like such as anal, pumps are too brief; good vibes lots of laughs
6. Nicolas – 7/10 – dick feels great (10/10). dick, face, body not as attractive to look at. Bad memories of this guy though.
7. Brandon, Brad, Idriss – 5/10 – not sure why, but not very fun
8. Devin – 3/10 – smaller, looked nice as a half indian half swedish ripped mix
9. Brett – 3/10 – first guy after Norm. Don’t remember much.
10. John – 2/10 – One time it was 8/10, but rest of the times, very brief and lame; no effort
11. Jeffrey, Alex R, Norm, and a really young guy who got me drunk (I think 17yr age gap and he wasn’t very cute) – ?/10 – So unmemorable. I don’t remember having sex with them lol

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After thinking about this, I’m realizing, my god, meeting Keilor is such a manifested, god-orchestrated experience!

What are the chances of this happening? It has to be a miracle!

First, what I love the most about this is that he became interested in me while I wasn’t wearing a wig, my hair was wet, and I was constantly rubbing sunscreen out of my eyes. Not to mention I wasn’t my most graceful self getting pummeled by the waves, climbing onto the surfboard like a drowning dog, and learning to surf as a total novice lol.

I just can’t fathom what about me had attracted him. But I’m glad he was attracted!

I sometimes feel that he must’ve been pleasantly surprised by the more glamorous version of me – blonde wig, cute dress, bikini.

Since this experience with him, I feel so much more confident about not wearing a wig. Reminds me of how Patrick had made me feel.

Second miracle is that he is playful! And he laughs out loud! It’s what I’ve been looking for! I didn’t realize how rare it was until I tallied up all my sex partners, and realized that almost none of them was playful. He was the first that made me laugh AND we laughed together!

This experience is such a gift. Thank you <3

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I learned that: during an arribada, up to 300,000 sea turtles nest at Ostional beach, laying millions of eggs!

It wasn’t arribada when we went, but we saw these hatched turtle egg shells!

We rode past some frogs and they made laughing noises! Instead of “ribbit, ribbit”, they went “jajajaja” (“hahaha” in Spanish)!

It was the funnest night. Hardly any photos, but I remember it all.

Also, the day before, I rode 2 BIG WAVES and felt AMAZING thanks to you @keilor!

I’m really glad we met. So much love for you.

 

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“Why are your eyebrows black?” was his ice-breaker question for me.

I was gonna explain microblading to him but realized he was 5 and probably just hadn’t seen an Asian before.

We played “hide-and-catch”…a more proactive form of hide-and-seek haha. Me and Wakim (5yo) were on the hiding team, and his sister Indira (11yo) was to catch us.

We roamed the hotel villa, even cut through the kitchen several times (which turned out to be ok because their dad Collin was the chef!)

At one point Wakim unknowingly took me to the security camera room to hide. It was 100% the best spot for the game! We giggled so hard. Indira eventually found us though. Smart girl.

In the evening, Collin asked if I wanted to join them for dinner. I had already heard about his culinary skills, and made a reservation for his 5-star dinner later that week, so, hells yeah!

A couple days later Wakim and I played together again. I didn’t have my wig on this time. He said, “You look astonishingly different!” Definitely the biggest word I’ve ever heard from a 5yo haha. And then we made some purple playdough empanadas together.

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