I finally understand why it hurts so much that Brad didn’t reach out to me since Friday, and that we didn’t have sex since…about two weeks ago.
I’ve been crying every day. It’s a deep down pain. I can’t stand up…I fall onto my knees and I pray. I want to curl up and…die.. It’s so painful.
I’m realizing that, this year, I’ve been rejected so many times. Not one decent guy wants to take me out on a date. Not one decent guy wants to invest in me. Not one decent guy persist. Why?
Matthew, Patrick, Fin, Brad, Max, Will….they ALL disappointed me before anything even began. They just don’t really like me that much. Except Matthew I guess. But not enough to persist.
It’s not even like I was asking for a lot.
There’s Sam who wanted more, but he is 25 and a fucking moron. And Blake who actually took me out to a nice dinner, but he is a bi-polar drug addict. And he surely didn’t treat me nearly as well the next time.
So forget about decent. There’s just no guy that wants me it seems.
Why?
I’m beginning to feel the reality of being alone forever.