I suddenly realized how emotional I am.
I had my coaching call with Joy yesterday.
I was having a chat with Jeffrey just before the call. At first we were just talking about what we were juicing. Then he said,
Gosh Tanya. I sure miss you.
Sorry I know I should keep it to myself. But it’s true.
I told him that yesterday was the first day I didn’t burst into tears when he messaged me, but I was now tearing up again.
3 minutes before my call, I was balling.
Joy coached me through. I told her that I couldn’t be productive when something effects my mood. I didn’t realize how bad it was.
She says to let it flow through me. Not dwell on it; let it pass through.
She also noticed that my language is victimized. I was “put into a bad mood” or something “made me sad”. I should realize that I own my emotions.
I know that now, but was unproductive for the rest of the day.
After the call, I blocked Jeffrey on Whatsapp, and wrote a goodbye email to him. I told him that I love him. I told him all the things I love about him. I told him that there are so many things here that remind me of him. I cried so much as I wrote this letter.
I said I’m happy to hear from him each time, but very sad at the same time. Because when we talk it reminds me of what we had and what we could be. I said maybe we can be together in another life.
My motivation was all gone for the day.
I cried. I lied on the sofa. I watched Friends. I passed out. I looked at dividend investing. I cried some more.
Gosh, I was so good on Sunday! I was productive, I worked out, I was in a great mood. Then he said he misses me….I felt a surge of sadness well up from my stomach.
Seeing how good Ty is to Cyn yesterday made me miss Jeffrey. Seeing how Jaq was to Diana today made me wish I had a guy I love who loves me back and wants to marry me.
What’s it like to have someone amazing that wants to spend the rest of his life with me?
I want to know. I want to experience that.