I went on a long hike with Norm yesterday. The weather was great! The forest / waterfall air smelled amazing! The hike to the Chief (peak 2) was harder than I remembered, when I went with Nicole a couple years ago. But, I felt good after.
Last night, after binge shopping on La Senza website for cute bras and panties, for looking cute and hot and sexy for my soul mate, I was a bit turned on.
I realized that it’s been a while since I maturbated. Days. And for the past few weeks, when I did, I could barely get an orgasm. It felt so unsatisfying.
Last night, I understood why. I masturbated while trying to come up with sexy scenarios. But it was hard. Nothing turns me on anymore. None of those sexy scenes. The only thing that turned me on, was imagining Jeffrey making love to me. How hot hot looked in the mirror, how sexy it was when he came up to me in the bathroom when I was about to brush my teeth, doing it in front of the mirror.
Just before I climaxed, I was visualizing how he looked in the mirror when we had sex. I had a pretty weak climax, and I burst into tears right after.
I thought I was all better, at least for a few days now. I guess I’m still missing him.
Not just that. I seem to only get off on love now. How he loves me turns me on. Matthew and Josh and those guys just don’t compare anymore.
Bubbles grew so much in the past month! I miss him when I see Bubbles. Actually, I miss him all the time.
I want to get over him. I want to find my soul mate.
If Dolores Cannon was right, I’m the 2nd wave of volunteers that came to this Earth to help raise its pure energy. Doesn’t want to have kids, likes to help people but often hangs out at home alone, works from home, doesn’t have past lives.
It feels right. I feel that I don’t want to get involved with Earthly things (which incur karma); I want to help, but feel detached from people. My parent, my friends, my family are all never that close to me.
I wonder what Jeffrey is. I think he’s just a kind soul, a young soul. He probably has unfinished karma ties with his dad, and the wife and kids he is going to have.
I hope our souls are friends. I’m sure they are. I want to go home so bad. But, I believe. My soulmate is on his way to me. Believe, achieve.