If I’m completely honest, I’d say mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive guys. Different guy every 3 to 7 days. Sometimes several guys at once.
I feel that it’s a bad thing to admit to the world though…it seems too shallow and too pointless to be accepted by the society, by myself even. But it’s the truth.
It’s literally the funnest thing in the world. To make out with an absolute hottie, to laugh together, to enjoy each other’s body, to kiss and touch and feel the rush. To get wet, incredibly wet. To feel the physical intimacy. To discover each other. To excite each other with new places, new sex ideas. To adore each other and think each other is perfect. To compliment each other and make each other feel like god and goddess.
I love how Patrick made me feel. I love how Josh made me feel.
I’m passionate about helping people, developing my business, creative brainstorming, innovating, designing, experiencing new things, doing sports that give me an adrenaline rush, winning, succeeding, enjoying the luxuries in life, meeting new people, travelling.
Yet, at the end of the day, all I want and all I need is mind-blowing sex with incredibly attractive people. It’s empty, and in some ways meaningless pleasure, but it’s so intense, that it’s possibly like being high on cocaine. (I’ve read that the brain’s wave pattern while in love is similar to being high on cocaine.)
In that way it makes sense. It’s an addiction…giving me the rush that a drug addiction gives to an addict. Except I can’t be an addict because I can’t easily obtain it. I need to meet the right people.
And…I guess from the point of evolution, it makes sense that I got to be this way. It just seems like that for most people (women) it’s been packaged into more of a combo deal: dating, long term relationship, and creating a family. For me, it’s been reduced down to just sex. And it doesn’t have to be anyone smart. And I have no desire to procreate. Giving birth is the most unappealing thing to me. So…almost like a gay person, I’m an exception that does not contribute to the gene pool.
If hard drugs are as amazing and mind-blowing sex – which I doubt, because being with someone attractive is so new and exciting. Drugs will at best be like mind-blowing orgasms, but it can’t replace the human aspect of sex. I love thinking about the uniqueness of the person that I had sex with. The good uniqueness that is.
Update: About exactly a year later, March 2016, I got to have this with Matthew. Oh man…so amazing. Exactly what I wanted. Dunno how long it’ll last…wouldn’t it be amazing if it lasts a life time? But for now, I just enjoy the ride.