Tomorrow we go on the safari!
It would’ve been good except Michelle is coming. Sigh. I hope it’ll still be good!
I don’t know what’s up with Sam. He said he’ll read to me, but he’s made no effort to.
Yesterday he was on the balcony, but left soon after I got home.
Today he was at co-cave when I came back from getting laundry. He left soon after that.
I thought for sure we’d have some alone time before the safari…I thought for sure that he likes me.
But now, I feel that I can’t expect anything.
I guess I shouldn’t expect anything.
I really don’t know anymore. Fred still acts the same way around me…a bit flirty, even though him and Rebecca are together (and I could never tell). Brian was telling me how I had a nice tan and that mermaid outfit worked for him, while we both know he is with Pia.
Meanwhile Michelle wants to do anything that Sam wants to do, and she seems to dislike me. This weekend she gets the whole apartment to herself. They can easily hook up. Sigh.
I don’t think the group living is a fit for me. I can’t wait to be back in Vancouver with Alex. I know there will be challenges there too, but, at least fewer threats.
Here, I have to make an effort to be seen, to be liked, to be included, to get affection even!
I want affection so much. I want it from Sam while I’m here. But I hate having to fight for it. I hate competeing for someone’s affection.
In the group, I’ve been busy working on my website, and then I was busy being sick. I feel ousted. I have to up my game a bit.
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I finally caved last night and took two immodium pills. I felt fine today. Whew.
I talked to Brittany today about everyone hooking up. She said she’d rather hook up with people outside the tribe, because there are future chapters. Smart.
I asked her to confirm who else are together. Apparently Andrew and Maria were briefly together! What!
And then she said what I didn’t want to hear. Sam and Michelle. For sure.
SIGH. Well, good to know, before the safari.
I felt the need to talk to Mom, and thankfully she is there for me, as always. She is my angel.
She wanted to know everyone’s name. That’s cute.
She listened to me gossiping about everyone too.
I let it all out, telling her about the bad news. She wanted to see more photos of Michelle. I sent her a link to her FB profile, and learned that Michelle is 24! WTF! She looks at least 33!
Mom said she now has a closer look of everyone, and everyone is actually pretty ugly. Hahaha. That’s what I told her before.
I told Mom that I’m quite sure I would’ve easily got Sam if I was single. I look younger, I’m more sunny, and I’m more fun.
I see now why Michelle seems to dislike me. For the winery tour…the only time I can think of that we are all together….Sam spent so much time with me. Why? To avoid her? To keep it a secret? To not upset me?
If I were her I’d be pissed.
Trying to decide what to think of it all.
I mean, Sam didn’t have to hook up with Michelle. She came on strong, but he could’ve held back. But he also didn’t think he had any chance with me because I have a boyfriend. Not really his fault.
No one’s fault here at all.
But I want to be my fun, cool, attractive self. I want to enjoy this trip.
Maybe I’ll meet someone hot at the safari!
But I think Alex is meant to be in my life. I don’t know why Sam is here. Or Michelle. Ha.
If there were more Tribers like Roberts, it would be more innocent.
I simply have to continue to love Alex. He has been a bit hard to love….a bit unattractive. Sigh. I hope he becomes that guy I fell in love with again.