Sales have been low (35 to 43 units a day) the past 3 days. Haven’t heard from Sam for maybe 5 days. I feel very stressed and confused.
Met Brandon and he liked me, but I didn’t know what to do to get info from him.
Canton Fair has been very unfruitful.
I’m closer to Stan and Masha, and have met their friends Anton, Irina, Masha, and Sasha (Alex). Sometimes I’m annoyed with Stan and Masha, but overall they have been good. I quite like Anton and Irina.
I was a bit high on Sam for a few days, after he said he can’t wait to see me. But at times, such as right now, I get so annoyed that he hooked up with Michelle – and another girl! – while he was flirting with me.
I kept thinking about how he probably was flirting with Michelle a lot behind my back. Why else would Michelle be ok with him flirting with me in front of her? Or even be nice(r) to me as time goes on? What on earth did he say to her or do to her that made it ok for her to have this hidden relationship, and be ok with him flirting with me, and not ok with him hooking up with someone else?
And why was he hooking up with someone else, and telling me about it? In the name of searching for love, he was going on dates and hooking up with these people. What a scam.
Am I feeling this way about him because I’m “sensing” how he feels about me? Or am I feeling this way because I’m coming to my senses, knowing subconsciously how things didn’t add up? Or is it because he is probably hooking up with Michelle right now?
The more I think about it, the more I felt that I don’t want him, and that I wished I hadn’t put myself in this situation of seeing him again for 6 weeks. It’s kind of Mom’s fault. But ultimately it was my decision. Why did I do that? I guess I wanted to see him, and I wanted to go to Egypt. But I wanted more to meeting someone else who is amazing, funny, good to me, good looking, closer in age, and reliable. I wanted more to travel to Peru with the Tribe!
Part of me hopes that I made this decision for a good reason. Maybe I’ll meet the love of my life in Bali.
Part of me feels that I made this decision in confusion because I was not thinking right after freshly breaking up with Alex.
This is a simulation, sure. But what kind? The kind where we are one? The kind where we have control? The kind where love can be found?