I saw Sam just briefly last night, when I came downstairs to get water. He happened to be in our villa talking to Jason. Filipa was sitting outside by the pool.
I didn’t really say hi…he came over to say hi, and the three of us talked for a few minutes.
He had been playing soccer, and will play more it seems. And he signed up for volunteering, I guess along with Filipa.
Filipa was playing videos loudly outside, making it almost hard to talk.
I felt sad. More sad when I saw him, than earlier today.
I’m sad that we can’t have a great time together in this chapter.
That he is hung up on his ex. That he said he will stop talking to her but started talking to her again.
That he has a very small and limp dick. I’d say, less than 10cm long, and around 2.5cm thick.
That he can be so self-centred.
That he is emotionally unavailable.
That he is much younger and in a different phase of his life.
That he is changing so much, into a person I don’t like.
That he is changing so much – mood and thinking – I have no idea what to expect the next day.
I need to think of the positives though.
He has been sweet to me when I see him.
He has been wanting to help me grow.
He can be quite gentle and thoughtful.
If he was into being with me long term, imagine having to have sex with the micro penis for the rest of my life! And his dominant, self-centric personality. And his ever changing thinking and mood.
He would be a difficult one to be with.
I need to pull myself together. Enjoy my time here.
I don’t want us to be critical of each other. I want us to be loving and caring and affectionate when we see each other.
Sometimes I think about others in the tribe. No one is in an ideal situation here. Everyone is suffering some. Sigh.