I messaged Mike yesterday.
He’s been on my mind again lately. I was listening to the Debaters on CBC radio podcast, and the word “philistine” came up. I thought of him. I wondered if I should message him, and decided against it.
What’s the point? He might ask me what’s going on, I might talk about dating John. Either way, it’s gonna be shallow, British-polite interaction.
Then, after talking to Mom the day before, leaving Masha a message, I was lying on the couch at 1am, and decided in the spur of the moment to send Mike a voice recording. I sounded upbeat and sweet. If he is still into me, surely he’ll find it very cute 🙂
It was Thursday at 2am. It’s now Friday late morning and he hasn’t replied. But somehow, I’m totally ok with it. He is usually too preoccupied by work to reply during the week. I think he’d rather have a real time conversation with me because it’s better. Or, he might not reply. But I think he is too polite not to. Either way, it’s fine by me.
I had a dream about him last night. We were talking together, along with another girl. Probably Emily, or someone similar. Then Mike and I had such a good time together, such amazing chemistry, so much laughter and joy, we just started rubbing our noses together fondly and kissing playfully.
The other girl was in a very awkward position. She eventually just went, “Okaaay” and left. I thought, “How rude of us!” But I can’t help but not care haha. I was too into this moment with him. And so was he. It was such an amazing feeling.
We talked about other things, he showed me a design he did and I complimented him on it. It was quite a detailed dream.
I woke up feeling happy about it. Rubbing my nose at the pillows haha. I closed my eyes and imagined the rest. Getting in bed with him and all.
I want to be with him, or, someone like him who makes me laugh, who can hold a fun debate with me, who laughs at my jokes. Maybe I want more than him. Someone adventurous, wanting to try new things, more business oriented, more growth oriented, more ethically inspiring, more compassionate.
Johnny Bunny has been sweet. He is so sexy. He turned me on in bed often. A year later I’m still very much physically attracted to him. That’s special too. I took a quick look on Bumble and anyone who is around his age looked totally awful. I was reminded as to why I didn’t want to break up with him, and to be grateful. And he is trying very hard to be positive with all the adversity thrown at him. He is special too. And I love the giraffe he gave me so much. It looks like him!
Still, a deeper connection and more common sense of humour are needed.