I don’t understand him.
I thought we were good, but then, didn’t hear from him since Thursday.
I’ve tried not to overthink it, even though my mind keeps going to this imaginary conversation I’d have with him if/when he messages me.
Cyndi has been my confidant. She is dating Dylan and Nathan, and both of them are so sweet to her. I’m so happy for her, and wish I have that too.
I’ve been manifesting. Gotta remember to put emotions into it too. I want a guy that loves me in a way that I want to be loved, and I love him the way that he wants to be loved. I think, that’s the bottom line. Love as in connection, emotionally and physically. Ahhh I want love so badly….what it’s like to love someone so much, and be loved so much, that both of us want to spend every moment together and marry each other? I want to experience that. I want to laugh, love, play together with this amazing man.
Things are pretty good with John these days, but, he doesn’t make me laugh like Alex does. And he doesn’t want to have sex with me. And sex with him feels terrible really.
He is sweet though…and trying his best to heal.
Also, I should mention that he has helped me make over $1.3 million in 2021, and $1.1 million in 2020. I’ll give him $400K for 2021 (gave him $150K in 2020).