Wow. I’ve been talking to Cyndi often lately, and discovered the “dismissive avoidant” attachment type by chance.
Cyndi learned that she is a fearful avoidant last year. She shuts down when she is afraid of getting hurt.
Her behaviour can be so unpredictable and hurtful to the guys.
I asked her how it started. She said when she was 5, her parents woke up up and told her that mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore, and that she had to choose who to go with. It was such a shock to her, because her parents never fought in front of her and Tina. Her dad, this amazing guy, cheated on her mom with her best friend. That was also a shock.
I thought about how the shock was the most traumatizing part. It came totally as a surprise.
I thought about how that’s why I was so traumatized by Alex’s silence. We had so much fun, laughing, making out, making love….and just like that, he ghosted me. It was completely unexpected.
I figured that for someone to do this to someone else, they must’ve had it done to them. So I looked up avoidant attachment, and discovered that he is a textbook dismissive avoidant. Wow.
It was, in some ways, comforting because now I feel that he shut down because he was starting to develop feelings for me, not because he doesn’t care about me.
On the other hand, it also means he needs therapy, and that I can never date him….well, that’s nothing new because he wants kids…so I guess nothing was lost…aside from the 2 months of fun and the bittersweet parting sex that we could’ve had today or yesterday.
Part of me wants him to not ever find the one to start a family with, give up on the idea of families, get therapy, and be with me.
He is the best I’ve ever had in every way. Funnest, best in bed. Smart, successful. I was so drawn to him. I was smitten with him I was in love, more than I ever have in my 42 years of life.
But, he’ll just be a small part of my life. A memory.
Sigh.
I’m better now though. I’m pulling my pieces together.