Experience on OK Cupid and with guys in general have been shitty.
So many guys that contacted me were not my type. The ones that looked ok just wanted to hook up. It’s hard to not change the way you look at yourself when the world sees you differently than before.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I too bald? Too weird?
Patrick messages me back *eventually*, but really inconsistent. He is really not someone I hold close to my heart any more. I can’t.
Norm can be so boring in his interaction with me these days. It was good for a while but now it’s just lame. I dunno if it’s because he was distracted when I texted him? In any case, I don’t feel that I need him right now. I think vice versa.
Dylan, who I thought would’ve been a good friend and potential love interest if I can get past his ugliness, turned out to be flakey and not very thoughtful. I thought he’d be sweeter and nicer because he was ugly. Turned out he was just socially inept. That’s a lost cause.
Ty is actually a cool guy, but I don’t know if I can be attracted to him. Also, he is off-limits because Cyn still loves him. Also, he shows no sign of being interested in me. A bit strange since we get along well and have so much in common.
The cutest person in my life right now is Matthew. Awww…that name still gives me the butterflies after six years.
He has been so cute, so smart, so funny, and such a turn-on. He thinks of me often, it seems. Always finding excuses to message me. Of course, it’s because he is in a boring end-part of a relationship, and because he is horny, and because we haven’t seen each other in a long time and we both painted the memories as probably more amazing and flawless than it was.
Not to mention, he is still a narcissistic, materialistic, and shallow person, who cheats on his girlfriends.
This won’t last, I know. But all I can hope for is to enjoy whatever I can get now, which isn’t much.
I’m so immensely sad and misanthropic right now. I don’t really want to reach out, but I feel myself shrinking into my own world if I don’t… but my reluctant outreach only results in more pain, attracting the most non-quality people into my life, or the most unattainable, polyamorous people such as Patrick and Matthew who won’t lead to happiness.
I find it so hard to love anyone or want anyone. No one from OK Cupid is worth the time it seems.
I’m starting to think that it could be because I have alopecia?
Then again, no one good at volleyball wanted me. Maybe I’m just not hot enough for the hot guys?
Maybe it’s the end of an era. I’m no longer fuckable. Or maybe I’m no longer in the know. The guys I’m attracted to physically, I can no longer relate.
I don’t know what to do. I guess I’ll just focus on business. Attend some meet ups.