It was Valentine’s Day yesterday.
I spent the day recovering from visiting with Tina the day before. I went to the big house, brought HONY book for Cyn, rings for Tina, and microneedle rollers for both. I went at 3pm, chatted with her ’til 7ish, and Tyler came home and we went for Thai food. It was mellow. She is a little bit fun, and very nice. She thinks very differently though. She likes to be in her comfort zone I think.
Ty wasn’t as funny yesterday, but still funny. I guess I expect him to be funny all the time. At least he laughs at my jokes. He is going with friends to see Star Wars and Zoolander. Never asked me. He knows I would’ve loved both. I sense a slight unease around me from him. Like he doesn’t want to be too close. Whether it’s sitting, or socializing with me. Might as well.
So I spent V day doing nothing really. I didn’t sleep well, possibly because of the curry…not sure what was in it. Ohh, actually, I didn’t sleep well also because Ashley was being really strange. I said I’ll hit him up when I’m in Victoria, and he was all like, I don’t have a place for you to hit up. I spend hours wondering if he meant sex, and turned out he thought I wanted to crash at his place and he was currently living with his parents. My mind was mega dwelling on it.
I cleaned a bit, did laundry, waited for the last interview which didn’t happen. Then I answered a bunch of customer support CS emails. There’s a lot from increased V day sale.
Then at around 7 or 8, Matthew message me. Ha. It’s aways him. He, of all people, have been in my life the most, and most consistently. Whether I’m sad or lonely, he is there. Maybe I’m sad and lonely a lot…
In any case, I hadn’t heard from him since the end of last year. It’s been over 2 months. I didn’t think about him much, because I had told him that I’m monogamous and it’s a no go between us. I didn’t expect to hear from him ever again.
But it was nice to hear from him. He was always funny and flirty.
He is nearly perfect really. On paper at least. I haven’t seen him in 6 years.
He is smart, funny, good looking, driven. The only problem is he is in a relationship. A bored one, but still.
We chatted as usual and he really made me laugh. I can fall in love with him quickly.
We entertained the idea of dating for a very short period of time. Less than 4 months.
I thought of him fondly and got really wet. I don’t have a visual much, because I haven’t seen him in so long. And my mind has been on other guys. I did like that he messaged me on Valentine’s Day.
Today, Brodie trained me for volleyball. I was wearing short shorts, and he smelled nice. He touched my arms when showing me the right posture for setting, linger his hands just a tiny bit.
We weren’t really flirting though. At the end we talked about his ASM stuff.
I really should get more stamina. I payed $15 to play with him today! And we probably only played for half an hour.
I was tired, we took a talking break, and people for the next time slot came in. Damn.
We played two games of foosball, and I actually won the second one! That felt pretty good. I finally win at something haha. Actually I came to the gym to practice volleyball by myself last week, and I practiced foosball too. I was paying attention to areas that I can improve, and it made a difference. I was doing better. Improvement is a great feeling! Optimization haha.
Brodie and I talked some more in the car, then we steamed up the car so I drove back to his place and we talked some more in the car. He is definitely easier to talk to now. I’m surprised he even went to an underground escape room / trap room thing. It’s more of a cerebral game. He also went to a DJ thing. I’m surprised that he was out twice in one week lol.
Too bad he wasn’t funnier. He is quite a quality guy.
Leaving his place, I noticed a message from Matthew that he didn’t get up ’til noon (implying how good his orgasm was last night).
I got home and was horny. My panties were wet. Not sure if it was from Matthew or Brodie.
I decided to masturbate and see who I thought about. I thought (sort of) about Matthew.
I was so tempted to make a move on Brodie since last time we spent 3, 4 hours at the open gym. But since then, Ashley took up my mind, and now Matthew. It’s good to have these distractions. This way Brodie and I can remain friends.
After masturbating, I had an epiphany. I had been saying no to Matthew, but why? When I really think about it, I have every reason to take up on his offer.
1. Having lots of fun sex is my goal
2. When I thought about dating him even for the short term, it was a lot of pressure. I’d rather just sleep with him.
3. I am so busy, I can only be a fuck buddy really. There’s no time to be a good girlfriend.
4. He would be a good distraction for me, from other boys. Such as when Brodie starts to be too tempting, or when Ashley is too frustrating to deal with, or when Patrick suddenly drops into my life and leaving me confused for days after. I think I will be able to take these things less seriously, if I have a fuck buddy.
5. I had always wanted to have lots of fun with Matthew. Now I finally get to. Didn’t think it’ll be 6 years later with him in a relationship, but, life is full of the unexpected.
Ok, the goal is starting 3 weeks from now, I’m gonna have some fun with Matthew.
For the next two weeks, I’ll focus on getting the VA hired and set up. Get in better shape. Clean up the house. My period will start around March 1st. So I’ll let him know around then.
I know he’ll love the news that I changed my mind about monogamy, if I tell him today. I don’t know about 3 weeks from now. I hope he’ll still love it. He’s been available all this time, after all.
I want to say to him, funny how we swap minds sometimes. How Cyndi wanted guys with a good sense of humour and I wanted guys with abs. Now she’s hooked up with a guy with abs and no sense of humour, and I’m thinking sense of humour (and a shade of abs) are more important.
It feels good coming to this conclusion. It’s like clearing a mental block. I hope it works out well! 🙂