I’m sad. I don’t know why.
I felt so lonely tonight. I have so few friends. So few people want to hang out with me, and vice versa.
I remembered that I can call Mom, so I did. I don’t particularly love talking to Mom. It’s more of a habit. She seems to just want to make sure that I’m ok. She always ask if I have anything that I need to report, if any “situation” has come up. Sometimes I appreciate her being there for me and letting me vent, but sometimes it just seems like it’s more about her worrying and almost expecting something to happen. Then she’ll encourage me to go eat or go work…like she doesn’t really want to talk to me anymore. And really, most of the stuff that she talks about I have no interest in, or, if she is recalling a memory from the past, I had already heard it.
I’m crying now. Uncontrollably. I don’t know why I feel so sad. Like I have felt that way for a long time. I haven’t been really happy in….forever…
I feel like I’ve never been happy my entire life. Never. There’s always a shadow over me. Why? I guess no one is worry free.
How can one feel so lonely when the world is so big?
Why am I crying so much? I’m crying my guts out. Is it because something bad has happened to someone I care about? Is it because something bad is happening right now in the world? Or is it just hormonal?
I remember Victoria saying that she felt awful suddenly one day, and she was sure it was when the guy she loved got married. Well, did Patrick get married? Ha.
I don’t think I’m like her. Patrick and I may not be meant for each other this life time, and that’s ok. He can be married and all that. I don’t think my soul would ache over something like this. My soul is much broader-minded than that. Maybe if he is suffering then my soul would ache, because I want him to be happy.
I just got my period today….2 days early.