Period started yesterday. Exactly 28 days since last one. Despited feeling so stressed, and not sticking to paleo that much, at least my period is regular.
I was so incredibly horny yesterday (and still am today). It’s the kind of horny I’ve never experienced. I was on the verge of tears.
I messaged Matthew to let him know how horny I was. I guess I sorta wanted to know if he would be willing to swing by. He asked me what I have been up to, replied to my activities, and slipped in that he has a birthday party after climbing. So I guess not. His schedule is full. I let him know after that that I’m having my period.
I did workout today, and practice some volleyball. Now I’m sore.
Last night, I was so frustrated, I cried….I just wanted to be held. I can’t tell if I was horny or missing Matthew or stressed or something else entirely.
The strange thing was that as I cried, my “mind” or my higher self, or Matthew’s higher self, kept telling me that Matthew really does love me but he doesn’t know it yet. And that he is the one and one day he will know, and we’d love each other and be together. Right now we both have stuff to learn first.
Was it my subconscious desire that caused me to “hear” these things? Or was this for real?
I like him a lot, but I find it hard to believe that he would be capable of love one day. Then again, this voice I hear – has been right every time. To the point that I was afraid to hear it. Sometimes it gives me bad news, and I didn’t want bad news.
Like a while ago it told me that Matthew would disappoint me, but then we’ll be ok. I did almost end it with him because he didn’t message me for a month. But then he said some things that caused me to take him back.
Still. Matthew as he is right now, is not someone I can be with. I need to look further. Man….I need to manage my time so I can date.
Mean while, I seem to lie down a lot, and I cuddle with the multi-coloured unicorn towel that Matthew uses.