Author: spacebunny@gmail.com

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Matthew messaged me today, asking if I have been using his soap. Aw…he misses me 🙂

We last chatted on Tuesday, and now it’s Friday.

At one point, he messaged me a Pusheen unicorn for no apparent reason, so I said, “Have a question…”

He said, “yes?”

I asked, “Is Matthew short for Matthewnicorn?”

He thought it was so funny. Haha.

I had wanted to ask him that question a long time ago, just waiting for the right time. I’m so happy that he thought it was hilarious too. He thought I was gonna ask him some serious question, haha. I’m sure he likes me even more now.

This just made my day 😀 I miss him!

I want a boyfriend. I’m craving a boyfriend.

A good one. One that loves me, makes me a happier and better person, empowers me, makes me love myself more. One that looks super cute. One that make me smile, laugh, enjoy life to the fullest.

I’ll love him, empower him, make him feel amazing, make him laugh, smile, make him proud, make his life better.

I can’t wait to find the love of my life! 🙂

<3 <3

On the way to Victoria, after finally sending a ring parcel to Amazon UK.

I feel that I got to play this past two weekends, like a normal person. I went to Masha and Brodie’s birthdays last weekend, met new people, and this weekend I had lunch with Emil and Elena, went to Tish’s birthday, Lisa’s BBQ, and played volleyball at Kits beach! Ran into Brodie and his friends, and we went to Samurai sushi after! It was a social and fun weekend!

The only thing is, I feel so behind. It feels like each day I play means 1 day of lack of progress. I play then I need time to recover before I have energy to work.

I guess I’ll just need to learn to balance my life.

Been keeping in touch with Matthew. He shared something on my wall again, an article about how scientists look to animals like rabbit to understand the female orgasm.

I suppose it makes sense that he wants to share that….both relate to me…to us. But did he think for a second that maybe I’d like to keep that more private? I wouldn’t share the same on his wall.

It makes me think that he is trying to steer other guys clear, subconsciously or consciously.

I think about us a lot. What’s our future like? Right now I think neither of us is ready to date each other. But I dream that maybe one day we can.

Right now, he is a cheater and is not even thinking about committing. Also, even though the shower gel he brought me was very nice, it makes me sad that it is a brand that he and his gf created. Sure, it’s only alive because his mentor/partner Howard is now in on it, but, it still says a lot about this relationship, possibly. A person I want to start my brand with has to be special. Yet, he is not respecting her at all, by being with me and blatantly posting flirty messages on my FB wall. He is quite an awful boyfriend really. A pretty good fuck buddy, but bad boyfriend. Then again, I really have no idea what their dynamics are.

He is a good bf in that, he is developing this business with her. It’s basically like having a kid together. And if he is polite with me, he probably is polite with her.

Patrick was sorta like this. He probably thinks he is a nice guy. The way he worded, Would you like me to book you a hotel. Holy shit. Such a bad gesture yet worded in a polite way.

Gotta watch out for people that talk the sweet talk but does the nasty.

Positive:

Seeing Matthew today, car being serviced and got a ride, masturbated and had an amazing relaxing nap under the sun.

Plan:

1. Send Ken the barcodes
2. Clean house
3. Take garbage out
4. Drop off T2 documents (2012, 13, 14)
5. Award 99Design contest winner
6. Decide on dice name
7. Upload ring images to Amazon
8. Add women’s solid rings to Etsy
9. Hire translator
10. Design dice logo

Matthew came over. I hadn’t seen him for a month.

I decided to wear my ombre purple top and ripped denim shorts, and my purple wig. He was wearing a white top. He looked good. He looked so young.

He brought a shower gel for me. His brand.

It was so hot here. We made out, chatted, had very sweaty hot oily sex. It was good, but somehow I was not as giggly as I usually am.

Maybe it’s because I hardly ate that day…hoping to stay thin for him.

My hair was in the way. He said why don’t you change to a different one. Not, why don’t you go without a wig though.

He came fairly early. I showered using the gel he brought, and it was really nice. Eucalyptus and tea tree oil.

Today’s theme was…talking a lot. We talked a lot in bed, we talked on the balcony, and we talked when he tried to perform again. He ended up not being able to….he was too tired. But that’s ok.

I think there’s more of a friendship developing today, seeing how much we talked.

We talked about the process of him learning the piano, his fear of roller coasters and needles, his mom being adapted and his grandma didn’t want to meet his mom at 72 yo (She was only 14 when she gave birth!)

We stood on the balcony in our towels, chatting. I rested my arms around his right hip, my chest pushed up to his side. I was using his body to hold my towel up, haha. It was really nice just chatting and laughing with him on this cool summer night.

He saw Brown’s Social House, and said the food was good. He suggested that maybe we can go there one time. I was surprised that he’d suggested that. My reflex answer was to suggest that we bring the food back and eat naked on the balcony. I would be cautious about going out on an actual date with him….it’s not fair to me or to his gf. But maybe if it’s a super sexual dinner, then possibly.

In bed, he told me about his ability to control his ejaculation. He said his first time having sex, at 15, he was traumatized. He came in 5 seconds, and the girl laughed at him. Gossiped about it. He didn’t have sex for a year. Aw.. I would’ve been flattered if the guy came in 5 seconds the first time we had sex.

I’m surprised he told me something this personal. I don’t know if this was meaningful, him telling me so many personal things today, but I think it must be. Though he didn’t ask me a whole lot of questions. I think that’d be the real sign of him valuing me and falling for me.

Besides, he has a lot of secrets. For example, having a gf and never mentioning his gf. Almost never.

We do have a good time together. Conversation flows and we laugh a lot. We kiss a lot.

I had told him that one of my fantasies was getting a massage and that leading to sex. First time around, he was already fucking me, so it didn’t feel like my fantasy.  Second time around, he oiled me up, gave me a massage first. I was like, What’s your name? haha. He said, “Jackson”. OMG. If only he knew that I made out with Jackson. I couldn’t play along anymore. I didn’t pretend to call his name. But we joked around and I said Jackson “felt” like a black person.

Later on as we were getting dressed, he put on my purple ombre shirt, and pretended to be one of those muscle guys in their muscle tees. Well…that would be Patrick. The person he made fun of, was basically Patrick, lol.

I like that he did stay for me the entire time, and didn’t go to his events.

He just seemed much more talkative today. And in bed, he lied on me, facing me, when we talked.

When he left, we kissed so many times at the parking lot. He said thanks for having me, as usual. I said thanks for “coming” and we joked about it. When he got home, he messaged me as usual. Super cute.

I gotta remember: My musts are:

1. Must love me without hair
2. Must love me for being my unique self
3. Must be monogamous

 

Well, got up early today, but didn’t even get around to planning the day.

I did do my positives (short and sweet after learning that Tony Robbins only spends 3~10 minutes on this). I did do exercise (new abs work out). I did a few things I knew I had to do today (mailed rings to Midland Athletics, called to get my taxes sorted out and book my car for service/tire change).

Then I ate and watched Golden Girls. Cleaned the house a bit.

Then before I knew it, it’s 7pm.

I’m depressed.

I think I still haven’t got over the car accident I had about 2 days ago 🙁

—

 

1. A glittery tiara that says “Bride”
2. A glittery diamond ring
3. Two tilted champagne glasses with gold glitter bubbly in them
4. Two martini glasses filled with pink martinis
5. Two pouty red lips (can put words on them – see ideas in the list)
6. A big lipstick (can put words on it )
7. A big pink heart that says “It’s Love”
8. A pair of cat-eye glasses (can put words on top rim)
9. “Warning: Bachelorette Party in Progress”
10. “All the single ladies”
11. “She said yes”
12. “Sh*t just got real!”
13. “Oh Snap!”
14. “I’m next!”
15. “Feyoncé”
16. “He put a ring on it!”
17. “Go hard bitches!”
18. “Love my girls!” (Maybe on a bra shape? ;))
19. “Single Tonight”
20. “Bride’s Wing Girl”
21. “Last Hurrah!”
22. “HOT MESS”
23. “Let’s do this!”
24. “More Bubbly!”

1. Let’s replace the top right design (“Bride” crown) with a big arrow that says “Brides’s Wing Girl”
2. “Love my girls” – Let’s make the font stand out more! (Maybe bigger font size for “Love” and “Girls”, and black font colour)
3. The “Bride” tiara – I love it! But it’s hard to cut out (Too many small empty spaces inside the swirls). Let’s do just a few swirls…a simple tiara.
4. The diamond ring – It’s my fave! Would like a curved text “Feyoncé” on the gold ring part. Small font is ok.
5. Let’s tweak these designs slightly so they can be cut-outs:
   1. Champagne glasses (Empty space in the glasses – make it white)
   2. Martini glasses (Black skewers – shorter, and thicker at the top. Empty space inside the glasses – white. Liquid – pink so the olives stand out.)
   3. “Single tonight” (All text needs to be attached to the eye glasses – can reference Aleksey Blue‘s eye glass designs)
   4. “Let’s do this” (Same as above)

 

Positive Vibe:

Great weather, light air. My new JLaw-look-alike wig photo (Eva Gabor) got over 120 likes on FB! That’s a new record. Love getting positive comments haha. Got potential volleyball partners from FB.

Planning:

Woke up before 7 today! Because I accidentally passed out around midnight I think. I like to lie down and think about Matthew, but then I either feel like masturbating or I fall asleep.

This morning I ate a yummy breakfast  I made. Blueberries and nectarine and peach, then scrambled eggs, tomatoes, onions, garlic and spicy and basil olive oil.

Then I felt like lying down, masturbated, and woke up again at 10. Men. I need to rid this habit.

I miss Matthew so much. I really hope to see him this weekend. He just got back from Whistler, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he is busy this weekend, and then next weekend I’ll be in Victoria, and after that I’ll have my period again. This makes me sad. He was busy two weekends in a row. If he is busy this third weekend, then, it really is a problem, isn’t it?

I don’t know what I want. I really like fucking him. I like a lot of other things about him too. I probably can’t find someone as compatible any time soon. But how do I not feel disappointed all the time?

I guess I need distraction. I need to have more guys around me. It’s time to hit Tinder and/or OkCupid.

And I need to go to the beach often. The chance of meeting someone I like seems slim, but at least I gotta try.

Ok, almost 11am…let’s get on with the planning!

1. Return mailing label for Jashley
2. Mail grey line ring (Canada)
3. Refund Tim for bow tie return
4. Laundry
5. Calculate Elena payment for June (minus $500)
6. Post more rings on knotheory.com (and etsy)
7. Post hand photos of new coloured rings
8. Interview at 7pm

Tomorrow:

• Return wig
• Drop off more rings with Elena
• Send USA parcel to to Midland Fitness Store
• silver ring planning – how to gift to previous customers, how to do xmas gift-friendly packaging?
• gold ring planning – colour swatches
• dice name
• Add more rings to etsy (women’s solid bevel, men’s too)
• car servicing

THREE SERVICE OFFERS TO WELCOME YOU BACK.
Redeem your choice by presenting this email or say promo code “Destination700” when checking in at Reception*.
BOOK YOUR SERVICE APPOINTMENT ONLINE
OR CALL 604.571.4399

• contact Cyril reference

Downtown:

1. Have Norm test out the rings
2. Smell perfume at Hollister

 

 

I decided that weekends are for taking some time off work and planning.

It was so beautiful out today! I played a bit of volleyball with Norm, then rushed back to 2 interviews…but neither of them happened! What! Not sure why….

Matthew posted to my timeline for the first time. A bunny video.

That was a cute surprise! I can’t wait to see him.

I wonder if this means he missed me? He posted a photo of a puppy malamute too, saying that’s all he found in Whistler. Said that she is a resident dog and he’ll get to watch her grow up because he is up there often. Is it trying to show off? To whom? Mom? My friends? Because I already know that he goes there…

But I guess I shouldn’t think much of it. Sigh. He is just a fuck buddy. So hard to accept, but logically he is best as a fuck buddy. I can’t trust him to be a good boyfriend even if he wants to be my boyfriend. I won’t even think about it…I don’t want to be disappointed.

Still, it turns me on that he is thinking about me.