Just another WordPress site
Launched on August 8 with some inventory (from Canada). Got more inventory on August 17 (solid rings).
I was on page 6 and sometimes page 3. So sales.
Today, I saw that I sold 3 striped rings yesterday, and am at the bottom of page 1! (#40, out of ~50). Yay!
No launch yet. Wait ’til I launch!
Camping at Hawkin’s past weekend.
11 or 12 people this time. The new people are nice, but it’s not as fun this time. We didn’t do anything special, just lounged around. The people were mostly fat girls who work 9-5 jobs. We had moments of good conversations, but mostly I found our experiences too different.
No tent sauna, no paddle poker, no slip ‘n slide, no bbq at the fundraiser party. No Wes…who is not hot enough nor dateable, but was still a good eye candy to add to the experience. Also, I wasn’t an MVP any more. I’m not new. I felt a bit neglected.
I kept questioning why I went on this trip. I think it’s just to save the friendship between Cyn and I. I don’t like sleeping on the ground. (Though, my newly bought inflatable mattress and Norm’s -5 degree sleeping bag helped.)
I enjoyed playing a bit of volleyball with Ty, and chatting with him about ENTP struggles. I enjoyed his cooking. I also enjoyed talking to Heather about her experience as a single, well-travelled person.
I enjoyed being off-grid for the weekend. (Was a bit worried…but, business did better when I was away!)
I enjoyed waking up early in the morning and reading a book as the sun rises.
I enjoyed the roasted marshmallows. Though lately I’ve been having a belly and I felt so self-conscious.
The ride up to Hawkins with Al was kinda fun. Talking to him. Though it was 3 hours longer than it had to be, because of Mike. I don’t like that guy. He is just annoying. He is not a bad person, but he is annoying.
Al is very chill, and can be quite funny. Nice guy. Much more likeable than Mike.
—
So what did I learn from this experience?
I would like a vacation at a comfortable cabin in a sunny place, by a lake or some type of water. I don’t like roughing it anymore.
I need eye candy, or, conversations with people I can relate to.
I need to be active, not just lounging around.
I prefer to be connected.
I need to build a group of friends that I can vacay with.
—
Matthew disappointed me again. I don’t know what to do.
I didn’t see him for 2 weeks, because Alison was over, and because I went camping. My period is one of the two weeks.
The 3rd week, he messaged me on Tuesday. I was off line Friday to Monday because I was camping. I didn’t feel horny that week. If he didn’t message me, I wouldn’t have messaged him.
But he messaged me, about the surf park proposal in False Creek. But that was all we talked about. I then went to a volleyball clinic. The next day, I messaged to ask what he was doing on Friday. He didn’t reply all day, and at night, he replied to say sorry he was busy, and that he’ll be busy on Friday too. He didn’t even say anything about meeting the next week.
I woke up on Wednesday to this message, and was so sad. We had promised to see each other every 2 weeks, or let each other know ahead of time if we can’t.
At the same time I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting. There were times that he was better than I expected….should I just count this as a one off?
In truth I think he is just not taking this promise very seriously, and seeing if he can get away with it. He probably is busy, but he could’ve let me know ahead of time, or arrange the next time.
I kept thinking about what to do with him. What to say to him.
I think I need to end this, but I don’t want to regret ending it. Because it’s so fun.
If I end it, it’ll be the second time I do so. I won’t take him back. Because if I do, me ending it will not be taken seriously again.
So I probably won’t formally say it.
I’ll just say I’m busy.
I’ll say, if anything changes I’ll let you know.
Basically, ghosting him. I’m sure he’ll be ok. He has so many activities, so many girls, and a girl friend. I wish I could hurt him more, like how he hurts me.
I need to amp up my social life.
Right now, I’m so appalled by his behaviour, that I don’t really care to see him again. I wonder if I’ll feel different down the road.
I don’t even want to reply to him, if he were to message me.
In my ideal world, I want to change his behaviour so that he knows to value me more. To prioritize with me on top.
I know I know….don’t make yourself always available. (Then again, he did that and I fucking hate him.)
Here’s how I imagine our conversation will go. Even though he always surprises me.
Him: What is your schedule like this week? / What are you doing this Thursday?
Me: I think I’ll be busy…washing my hair
Him: I see holes in your statement
Me: 😉
Him: Found someone? / Out on a date?
Me: No. I just don’t like that, after so many weeks of not seeing each other, I got a No from you.
Anyway.
I said what my lowest bar was 🙁
Him: 🙁 [Then he’ll try to explain how busy he was. And say something like, he understands if I want to end it.]
Me: “Time is like cleavage, if you squeeze hard enough, you’ll have some.”
I think this is as clear I can get without getting too serious.
Been practicing volleyball for the past 3 days. On my own on the lawn. I’m learning a few things. I don’t thoroughly enjoy this. Not as much as I would enjoy surfing in an artificial wave machine. But I want to become good at this. I envy the fact that Matthew can cultivate new skills. I want to try this identity method: I am a volleyball player. There 🙂
Hawkins Trip is this weekend! I’m half looking forward to it. But there are many people that I don’t know, and I have so much work piled up I doesn’t feel safe to leave for a whole weekend. But will have to try my best to work hard these 2 days and get as much done as possible.
Went to borrow some camping gear from Norm. Towards the end, I started to realize that he really needs help making new friends and being more positive. I don’t want to do it, but I think I need to. I wish he has friends. Then again, I can hardly make good friends.
Maybe him, Masha, Masha’s friends/husband and I should go to a Tony Robins event!
Period started yesterday. Exactly 28 days since last one. Despited feeling so stressed, and not sticking to paleo that much, at least my period is regular.
I was so incredibly horny yesterday (and still am today). It’s the kind of horny I’ve never experienced. I was on the verge of tears.
I messaged Matthew to let him know how horny I was. I guess I sorta wanted to know if he would be willing to swing by. He asked me what I have been up to, replied to my activities, and slipped in that he has a birthday party after climbing. So I guess not. His schedule is full. I let him know after that that I’m having my period.
I did workout today, and practice some volleyball. Now I’m sore.
Last night, I was so frustrated, I cried….I just wanted to be held. I can’t tell if I was horny or missing Matthew or stressed or something else entirely.
The strange thing was that as I cried, my “mind” or my higher self, or Matthew’s higher self, kept telling me that Matthew really does love me but he doesn’t know it yet. And that he is the one and one day he will know, and we’d love each other and be together. Right now we both have stuff to learn first.
Was it my subconscious desire that caused me to “hear” these things? Or was this for real?
I like him a lot, but I find it hard to believe that he would be capable of love one day. Then again, this voice I hear – has been right every time. To the point that I was afraid to hear it. Sometimes it gives me bad news, and I didn’t want bad news.
Like a while ago it told me that Matthew would disappoint me, but then we’ll be ok. I did almost end it with him because he didn’t message me for a month. But then he said some things that caused me to take him back.
Still. Matthew as he is right now, is not someone I can be with. I need to look further. Man….I need to manage my time so I can date.
Mean while, I seem to lie down a lot, and I cuddle with the multi-coloured unicorn towel that Matthew uses.
Paypal $28.9K
Bank of America $3K
Matthew messaged me today, asking if I have been using his soap. Aw…he misses me 🙂
We last chatted on Tuesday, and now it’s Friday.
At one point, he messaged me a Pusheen unicorn for no apparent reason, so I said, “Have a question…”
He said, “yes?”
I asked, “Is Matthew short for Matthewnicorn?”
He thought it was so funny. Haha.
I had wanted to ask him that question a long time ago, just waiting for the right time. I’m so happy that he thought it was hilarious too. He thought I was gonna ask him some serious question, haha. I’m sure he likes me even more now.
This just made my day 😀 I miss him!
I want a boyfriend. I’m craving a boyfriend.
A good one. One that loves me, makes me a happier and better person, empowers me, makes me love myself more. One that looks super cute. One that make me smile, laugh, enjoy life to the fullest.
I’ll love him, empower him, make him feel amazing, make him laugh, smile, make him proud, make his life better.
I can’t wait to find the love of my life! 🙂
<3 <3
On the way to Victoria, after finally sending a ring parcel to Amazon UK.
I feel that I got to play this past two weekends, like a normal person. I went to Masha and Brodie’s birthdays last weekend, met new people, and this weekend I had lunch with Emil and Elena, went to Tish’s birthday, Lisa’s BBQ, and played volleyball at Kits beach! Ran into Brodie and his friends, and we went to Samurai sushi after! It was a social and fun weekend!
The only thing is, I feel so behind. It feels like each day I play means 1 day of lack of progress. I play then I need time to recover before I have energy to work.
I guess I’ll just need to learn to balance my life.
Been keeping in touch with Matthew. He shared something on my wall again, an article about how scientists look to animals like rabbit to understand the female orgasm.
I suppose it makes sense that he wants to share that….both relate to me…to us. But did he think for a second that maybe I’d like to keep that more private? I wouldn’t share the same on his wall.
It makes me think that he is trying to steer other guys clear, subconsciously or consciously.
I think about us a lot. What’s our future like? Right now I think neither of us is ready to date each other. But I dream that maybe one day we can.
Right now, he is a cheater and is not even thinking about committing. Also, even though the shower gel he brought me was very nice, it makes me sad that it is a brand that he and his gf created. Sure, it’s only alive because his mentor/partner Howard is now in on it, but, it still says a lot about this relationship, possibly. A person I want to start my brand with has to be special. Yet, he is not respecting her at all, by being with me and blatantly posting flirty messages on my FB wall. He is quite an awful boyfriend really. A pretty good fuck buddy, but bad boyfriend. Then again, I really have no idea what their dynamics are.
He is a good bf in that, he is developing this business with her. It’s basically like having a kid together. And if he is polite with me, he probably is polite with her.
Patrick was sorta like this. He probably thinks he is a nice guy. The way he worded, Would you like me to book you a hotel. Holy shit. Such a bad gesture yet worded in a polite way.
Gotta watch out for people that talk the sweet talk but does the nasty.
Positive:
Seeing Matthew today, car being serviced and got a ride, masturbated and had an amazing relaxing nap under the sun.
Plan: