Camping trip coming; volleyball practice; help Norm

Been practicing volleyball for the past 3 days. On my own on the lawn. I’m learning a few things. I don’t thoroughly enjoy this. Not as much as I would enjoy surfing in an artificial wave machine. But I want to become good at this. I envy the fact that Matthew can cultivate new skills. I want to try this identity method: I am a volleyball player. There 🙂

Hawkins Trip is this weekend! I’m half looking forward to it. But there are many people that I don’t know, and I have so much work piled up I doesn’t feel safe to leave for a whole weekend. But will have to try my best to work hard these 2 days and get as much done as possible.

Went to borrow some camping gear from Norm. Towards the end, I started to realize that he really needs help making new friends and being more positive. I don’t want to do it, but I think I need to. I wish he has friends. Then again, I can hardly make good friends.

Maybe him, Masha, Masha’s friends/husband and I should go to a Tony Robins event!

 

Hornier than ever; Period starts

Period started yesterday. Exactly 28 days since last one. Despited feeling so stressed, and not sticking to paleo that much, at least my period is regular.

I was so incredibly horny yesterday (and still am today). It’s the kind of horny I’ve never experienced. I was on the verge of tears.

I messaged Matthew to let him know how horny I was. I guess I sorta wanted to know if he would be willing to swing by. He asked me what I have been up to, replied to my activities, and slipped in that he has a birthday party after climbing. So I guess not. His schedule is full. I let him know after that that I’m having my period.

I did workout today, and practice some volleyball. Now I’m sore.

Last night, I was so frustrated, I cried….I just wanted to be held. I can’t tell if I was horny or missing Matthew or stressed or something else entirely.

The strange thing was that as I cried, my “mind” or my higher self, or Matthew’s higher self, kept telling me that Matthew really does love me but he doesn’t know it yet. And that he is the one and one day he will know, and we’d love each other and be together. Right now we both have stuff to learn first.

Was it my subconscious desire that caused me to “hear” these things? Or was this for real?

I like him a lot, but I find it hard to believe that he would be capable of love one day. Then again, this voice I hear – has been right every time. To the point that I was afraid to hear it. Sometimes it gives me bad news, and I didn’t want bad news.

Like a while ago it told me that Matthew would disappoint me, but then we’ll be ok. I did almost end it with him because he didn’t message me for a month. But then he said some things that caused me to take him back.

Still. Matthew as he is right now, is not someone I can be with. I need to look further. Man….I need to manage my time so I can date.

Mean while, I seem to lie down a lot, and I cuddle with the multi-coloured unicorn towel that Matthew uses.

 

Alison and gang here. Matthewnicorn.

Matthew messaged me today, asking if I have been using his soap. Aw…he misses me 🙂

We last chatted on Tuesday, and now it’s Friday.

At one point, he messaged me a Pusheen unicorn for no apparent reason, so I said, “Have a question…”

He said, “yes?”

I asked, “Is Matthew short for Matthewnicorn?”

He thought it was so funny. Haha.

I had wanted to ask him that question a long time ago, just waiting for the right time. I’m so happy that he thought it was hilarious too. He thought I was gonna ask him some serious question, haha. I’m sure he likes me even more now.

This just made my day 😀 I miss him!

Screen Shot 2016-08-06 at 2.08.30 AM Screen Shot 2016-08-06 at 2.08.39 AM

Wanting a boyfriend

I want a boyfriend. I’m craving a boyfriend.

A good one. One that loves me, makes me a happier and better person, empowers me, makes me love myself more. One that looks super cute. One that make me smile, laugh, enjoy life to the fullest.

I’ll love him, empower him, make him feel amazing, make him laugh, smile, make him proud, make his life better.

I can’t wait to find the love of my life! 🙂

<3 <3

Playing hard, hardly working; sweet talking

On the way to Victoria, after finally sending a ring parcel to Amazon UK.

I feel that I got to play this past two weekends, like a normal person. I went to Masha and Brodie’s birthdays last weekend, met new people, and this weekend I had lunch with Emil and Elena, went to Tish’s birthday, Lisa’s BBQ, and played volleyball at Kits beach! Ran into Brodie and his friends, and we went to Samurai sushi after! It was a social and fun weekend!

The only thing is, I feel so behind. It feels like each day I play means 1 day of lack of progress. I play then I need time to recover before I have energy to work.

I guess I’ll just need to learn to balance my life.

Been keeping in touch with Matthew. He shared something on my wall again, an article about how scientists look to animals like rabbit to understand the female orgasm.

I suppose it makes sense that he wants to share that
.both relate to me
to us. But did he think for a second that maybe I’d like to keep that more private? I wouldn’t share the same on his wall.

It makes me think that he is trying to steer other guys clear, subconsciously or consciously.

I think about us a lot. What’s our future like? Right now I think neither of us is ready to date each other. But I dream that maybe one day we can.

Right now, he is a cheater and is not even thinking about committing. Also, even though the shower gel he brought me was very nice, it makes me sad that it is a brand that he and his gf created. Sure, it’s only alive because his mentor/partner Howard is now in on it, but, it still says a lot about this relationship, possibly. A person I want to start my brand with has to be special. Yet, he is not respecting her at all, by being with me and blatantly posting flirty messages on my FB wall. He is quite an awful boyfriend really. A pretty good fuck buddy, but bad boyfriend. Then again, I really have no idea what their dynamics are.

He is a good bf in that, he is developing this business with her. It’s basically like having a kid together. And if he is polite with me, he probably is polite with her.

Patrick was sorta like this. He probably thinks he is a nice guy. The way he worded, Would you like me to book you a hotel. Holy shit. Such a bad gesture yet worded in a polite way.

Gotta watch out for people that talk the sweet talk but does the nasty.

Day 10 of Time Budgeting:

Positive:

Seeing Matthew today, car being serviced and got a ride, masturbated and had an amazing relaxing nap under the sun.

Plan:

  1. Send Ken the barcodes
  2. Clean house
  3. Take garbage out
  4. Drop off T2 documents (2012, 13, 14)
  5. Award 99Design contest winner
  6. Decide on dice name
  7. Upload ring images to Amazon
  8. Add women’s solid rings to Etsy
  9. Hire translator
  10. Design dice logo

Talking lots with Matthew

Matthew came over. I hadn’t seen him for a month.

I decided to wear my ombre purple top and ripped denim shorts, and my purple wig. He was wearing a white top. He looked good. He looked so young.

He brought a shower gel for me. His brand.

It was so hot here. We made out, chatted, had very sweaty hot oily sex. It was good, but somehow I was not as giggly as I usually am.

Maybe it’s because I hardly ate that day…hoping to stay thin for him.

My hair was in the way. He said why don’t you change to a different one. Not, why don’t you go without a wig though.

He came fairly early. I showered using the gel he brought, and it was really nice. Eucalyptus and tea tree oil.

Today’s theme was…talking a lot. We talked a lot in bed, we talked on the balcony, and we talked when he tried to perform again. He ended up not being able to….he was too tired. But that’s ok.

I think there’s more of a friendship developing today, seeing how much we talked.

We talked about the process of him learning the piano, his fear of roller coasters and needles, his mom being adapted and his grandma didn’t want to meet his mom at 72 yo (She was only 14 when she gave birth!)

We stood on the balcony in our towels, chatting. I rested my arms around his right hip, my chest pushed up to his side. I was using his body to hold my towel up, haha. It was really nice just chatting and laughing with him on this cool summer night.

He saw Brown’s Social House, and said the food was good. He suggested that maybe we can go there one time. I was surprised that he’d suggested that. My reflex answer was to suggest that we bring the food back and eat naked on the balcony. I would be cautious about going out on an actual date with him….it’s not fair to me or to his gf. But maybe if it’s a super sexual dinner, then possibly.

In bed, he told me about his ability to control his ejaculation. He said his first time having sex, at 15, he was traumatized. He came in 5 seconds, and the girl laughed at him. Gossiped about it. He didn’t have sex for a year. Aw.. I would’ve been flattered if the guy came in 5 seconds the first time we had sex.

I’m surprised he told me something this personal. I don’t know if this was meaningful, him telling me so many personal things today, but I think it must be. Though he didn’t ask me a whole lot of questions. I think that’d be the real sign of him valuing me and falling for me.

Besides, he has a lot of secrets. For example, having a gf and never mentioning his gf. Almost never.

We do have a good time together. Conversation flows and we laugh a lot. We kiss a lot.

I had told him that one of my fantasies was getting a massage and that leading to sex. First time around, he was already fucking me, so it didn’t feel like my fantasy.  Second time around, he oiled me up, gave me a massage first. I was like, What’s your name? haha. He said, “Jackson”. OMG. If only he knew that I made out with Jackson. I couldn’t play along anymore. I didn’t pretend to call his name. But we joked around and I said Jackson “felt” like a black person.

Later on as we were getting dressed, he put on my purple ombre shirt, and pretended to be one of those muscle guys in their muscle tees. Well…that would be Patrick. The person he made fun of, was basically Patrick, lol.

I like that he did stay for me the entire time, and didn’t go to his events.

He just seemed much more talkative today. And in bed, he lied on me, facing me, when we talked.

When he left, we kissed so many times at the parking lot. He said thanks for having me, as usual. I said thanks for “coming” and we joked about it. When he got home, he messaged me as usual. Super cute.

I gotta remember: My musts are:

  1. Must love me without hair
  2. Must love me for being my unique self
  3. Must be monogamous

 

Day 9 of Time Budgeting: Slippin’…

Well, got up early today, but didn’t even get around to planning the day.

I did do my positives (short and sweet after learning that Tony Robbins only spends 3~10 minutes on this). I did do exercise (new abs work out). I did a few things I knew I had to do today (mailed rings to Midland Athletics, called to get my taxes sorted out and book my car for service/tire change).

Then I ate and watched Golden Girls. Cleaned the house a bit.

Then before I knew it, it’s 7pm.

I’m depressed.

I think I still haven’t got over the car accident I had about 2 days ago 🙁

 

99Designs

1. A glittery tiara that says “Bride”
2. A glittery diamond ring
3. Two tilted champagne glasses with gold glitter bubbly in them
4. Two martini glasses filled with pink martinis
5. Two pouty red lips (can put words on them – see ideas in the list)
6. A big lipstick (can put words on it )
7. A big pink heart that says “It’s Love”
8. A pair of cat-eye glasses (can put words on top rim)
9. “Warning: Bachelorette Party in Progress”
10. “All the single ladies”
11. “She said yes”
12. “Sh*t just got real!”
13. “Oh Snap!”
14. “I’m next!”
15. “FeyoncĂ©”
16. “He put a ring on it!”
17. “Go hard bitches!”
18. “Love my girls!” (Maybe on a bra shape? ;))
19. “Single Tonight”
20. “Bride’s Wing Girl”
21. “Last Hurrah!”
22. “HOT MESS”
23. “Let’s do this!”
24. “More Bubbly!”

  1. Let’s replace the top right design (“Bride” crown) with a big arrow that says “Brides’s Wing Girl”
  2. “Love my girls” – Let’s make the font stand out more! (Maybe bigger font size for “Love” and “Girls”, and black font colour)
  3. The “Bride” tiara – I love it! But it’s hard to cut out (Too many small empty spaces inside the swirls). Let’s do just a few swirls…a simple tiara.
  4. The diamond ring – It’s my fave! Would like a curved text “FeyoncĂ©” on the gold ring part. Small font is ok.
  5. Let’s tweak these designs slightly so they can be cut-outs:
    1. Champagne glasses (Empty space in the glasses – make it white)
    2. Martini glasses (Black skewers – shorter, and thicker at the top. Empty space inside the glasses – white. Liquid – pink so the olives stand out.)
    3. “Single tonight” (All text needs to be attached to the eye glasses – can reference Aleksey Blue‘s eye glass designs)
    4. “Let’s do this” (Same as above)