Sad – no love

So sad lately.

I think it’s because

  • Matthew hasn’t tried to hook up with me
  • Period
  • Ashley is really not that obvious about how he feels towards me
  • Everyone is in love it seems
    • Clement and Evan getting married
    • Everyone in ASM is married or in great relationships (except for Angela…but she is young)
    • Linda got engaged
    • Jackie got pregnant (not that I want to, but feel a bit jealous that she is with someone who she feels happy and secure enough to have a baby with)
    • Norm has a girlfriend and is closer to her than to me. If I tell him anything, most likely it’ll end up reaching her
    • Most people have boyfriend, friends, husbands
    • Or they are young. They can date any time.
  • Even though I have friends who are single, they seem so lame…I just feel that I have been grouped together with the lame kids
    • Nicole, Cat, Tina – the old single ladies
  • Even Cyn has Ty. Plus lots of friends.
  • I don’t have the love of any guy.

I want a boyfriend now, more than ever. How I long for a guy who really loves me, and vice versa.

I’ve been watching Felicity. At first I was all jealous of all the girls, because all the guys on the show are so sweet. But towards the end of season one, it’s just a big mess. These people are nuts, and their relationships are so tough.

Yes, I guess that’s what life is about.

Man, I so want a boyfriend…

Distance and first impressions: Hanging out with Norm and Sylvia

Norm has been kind of quiet lately over gchat, and I felt a bit sad that he was like that. I told him that my hijacker was gone, and all he said was, Nice.

In fact I’ve been feeling sad that I get no love from anyone. I have few friends, and they aren’t close friends. I like them, but I don’t love hanging out with them. I wish I had good friends that I can hang out weekly.

So I was surprised that Norm asked yesterday if I wanted to have ice cream with him and Sylvia.

I would prefer to hang out with just Norm, but I guess it’s good to give Sylvia another chance.

And indeed, she was better, more fun this time.

Norm still had to try hard to get the conversation going, but it was much better this time.

I guess when people behave a certain way that seems bad, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have bad intention. It’s something I need to keep in mind, because I notice that Mom tends to assume bad intention.

For example, she assumed that Roy doesn’t want us to tag along on the cruise. She manufactures that thought out of nowhere, even though Roy immediately sent us all the info needed in order to book the trip.

I’ll write more in another post about the cruise we are going on! 🙂

Anyway, what I want to conclude is that, when someone behaves in a way that seems distant or in anyway not meeting your expectations, it’s possible that there are other reasons, and it’s possible that are thinking of ways to change that.

Motivation

I was suddenly super motivated the other day. I decided to focus on just one goal at a time, and got a lot done.

I’m trying to understand what cause the motivation. So here are some possible factors:

  • Been on juice for two days (for the first time) since I got back from China. There’s brain octane, blueberries, green tea, and other good stuff in there.
  • Added extra green tea by accident that day
  • Worked out the day before
  • First day of period
  • Been eating salmon lox for 3, 4 days
  • Had grape enzyme for 2, 3 days
  • It’s been sunny for 2, 3 days
  • Finally got enough sleep after the hijack
  • Finally recovering from being stressed (hijack)

Next time I feel this rush of motivation, I’ll check back to see what got me so motivated, and see if there are parallels!

Goal reboot

Ok, I have an enlightenment. I need to focus on 1 goal at a time.

I know, there are are million things I want to do and improve upon, but, 1 thing at a time.

So what will it be?

Get my sales to $100K per month.

As of today, May 20 2016, it’s at:

Amazon.com – $26.7K -Hopefully growing after resolving the hijack

Amazon.ca – $1.1K CAD ($800 USD) – Will grow too, now restocked

Etsy – $5K

Knotheory.com – $4.6K – wedding season

Total: $37.1K USD

How do I grow my biz to $100K per month?

Rings:

  1. More social media marketing – giveaways, blogger reviews etc (expecting 5% growth)
  2. Influencer marketing – on IG (expecting 5% growth)
  3. More SEO – google+, blogging, guest commenting (expecting 5% growth)
  4. Contact current customers via postcards (expecting 10% growth, but need silver rings ready)
  5. Will be adding more rings (expecting 10% growth from this)
  6. Silver rings – expect 20% growth
  7. Gold rings- expect 20% growth
  8. Camo rings- expect 5% growth
  9. Expand to Europe – expect 5% growth

95% growth (doubling) if I can do all of the above. Plus growth from restocking (5%) and wedding season. That will bring me to $80K. 

ASM:

  1. Launch Party Gear brand – happy birthday banner, stagette gear, bridal shower docorations, etc.
    1. happy birthday pink banner – expect $10K
    2. happy birthday general banner – expect $5K
    3. Bridal kit – sashes etc – expect $8K
    4. Flower pom poms – expect $10K
    5. Photobooth props for stagettes – expect $9K
    6. Photobooth props for new years – expect $8K
    7. Photobooth props for milestone birthdays/baby shower/xmas – expect $8K

Total: Expecting $50K/month after 2 to 3 months

So if I work smart for the next 3 months, I should expect $80K + $50K = $130K/month by month of September.

2016 Forcast:
June: $40K
July: $60K
August: $70K
September: $100K
October: $130K
November: $200K
December: $300K
Total from June to December 2016: $900K

Total from January to May 2016: $176.5K (Amazon.com) + $15.2K (Knotheory.com) + $21K (Etsy.com) = $212.7K

So if I work smart and hard the next 3 months, I can do over $1MM in sales this year!

How to do this:

  1. Prioritize – What needs to get going because it will take longer / bring in most sales / bring in sales most quickly and easily? What needs to be rushed? What must happen so other things aren’t blocked?
  2. Delegate – what can Keesha do?
  3. Incentivize Keesha to grow IG fanbase
  4. Stronger brand with a good graphic designer

 

 

Ashley coffee date…sorta

One hour coffee date with Ashley today. At Hillside Mall.

It was pretty lame really.

He was 10 minutes late. He seemed tired. I was preoccupied with the fucking hijacker. I was nervous. We ran out of things to say. He had to go to work in one hour.

He was handsome though. Better than I remembered. He showed up in a suit because he was going to work at TipTop later on. He seemed to like lavender. He was in a lavender dress shirt.

He did buy me a matcha, which is nice. I guess that was the only sign that it was a date.

I gave him the face mask gift. He was confused. Sigh. Matthew and I are just so much more compatible. Matthew thought it was hilarious!

But, Ashley is actually just as cute as Matthew and Patrick. He stands out from the crowd when you look at him. He really is a good-looking guy. He is so tall though. Maybe 6’5. A bit too tall.

We are both really bad at flirting….but knowing that he is probably like his sign, Aquarius, I wasn’t too concerned. I wasn’t in a hurry.

There’s nothing notable other than that. He did text me after to apologize for it being so short. I decided to flirt with him a tiny bit by saying that he looked good in a suit.

….I guess when he hugged me I did feel a little something. Lingering arms. A lil’ bit.

I hope we get to have more fun later on 🙂

 

Dad – condo, biz idea

Dad mentioned today that the condo community where Tiffany’s dad lives (南加州), the lawyer Mr. Chen who sold Mom’s house, has recently sold a condo there. It was $30K/ping, down from $40K/ping, so the condo was $8,000,000NTD, which is about $250,000USD ($316,000CAD).

If I bought this place for him, it’s not like he’d move there any time soon. He needs to take care of grandma. But if it rents out for $400USD per month, I can afford to have him live here and pay for his rent.

In time that would be something to consider. Plus, Taiwanese real estate will be slipping the next few years it seems.

I want to buy him:

  1. A computer with the typing software installed:
    https://sites.google.com/a/dayi4u.co.cc/da-yi-xing-lie-qing-song-shu-ru-fa/qing-song-shu-ru-fanew/qing-song-shu-ru-fa
  2. A walking computer desk

I don’t know how to wire money to either Tina or Si-Shu to make it work….will need to figure this out.

Matthew – I’m so infatuated. What makes him tick. My top-2 bf musts

I know I know, it’s inevitable. He is so cute. So sexy.

I keep his business card in my wallet. I was going to add him on WeChat during my China trip, but forgot to. Facebook was working during the times I needed to talk to him.

The day before, I finally remembered to add him on WeChat, and saw that he had tried to add me twice, in 2014! I guess it doesn’t mean that much, but still very cute.

We chatted a little bit. I installed a Kamasutra app and showed him the positions that looked interesting. He responded in a cute way as usual.

When we said good night, he sent a string of emoticons of drooling heart-eyed, smiling, and smooching faces. I was so happy to see that. It’s not much….I guess my expectations are low….but still, I like that he did that. I think he basically types what he feels, so that reflects how he feels.

I fantasize about him all day while at IMAX today with Mom. He turns me on so much. When I fantasize, I often imagine a conversation…I’m so weird.

I need to remember that, my ideal guy has two musts:

  1. Loves me even more with my alopecia
  2. Is sincere in how he loves me. i.e. Monogamous

Matthew has so many great qualities, but he doesn’t have these two.

It’s ok. I’ll just enjoy what we have for right now. In a few months, the passion will likely fizzle out anyway. I can’t imagine it right now, but it seems inevitable. Part of me wishes that we are special. The 7-year love affair means something. But I know that’s unlikely. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t want to get too attached.

Imagine us being at that point…..one starts to lose interest, the other reciprocates, and before you know it, we stop talking. I sort of can see that he would be the one doing it, either because he found another fb, or he got tired of this, and I would notice it and end it. Then later on, he’ll try to come back to me, but I would say no. No for good. I think that’s likely how it’ll play out. So sad already… The only way to not be sad is to have a boyfriend by then.

Right now, I’m trying to figure out what makes him tick:

  • I think having a sexy booty is number one for visual attraction.
  • Changing things up is probably another top one.
  • Praising/complimenting him. Words are important for Gemini’s.
  • Allowing him to be that guy that I want – inspiring etc. Things I said I look for in a boyfriend. I want to slip my #1 in, but really, no point. I’ll just say, being kind and sincere. At least he’ll let me down gently when he exits my life.
  • Allowing him to feel that he is protecting me. I think I’ll try cuddling with him that way.
  • Be turned on by him. Make him feel desired.
  • Make him feel needed. Maybe just by saying it.
  • Do funny things. Like planting a Pusheenicorn on his keychain

If he is nice to me and attracted to me, I won’t ever get tired of him. So really it seems like it’s more likely that he’ll be the one ending it after a while.

The only scenario I can think of where I would end it first, is if I find someone that I want to be in a relationship with. Fat chance of that happening haha.

He really has a lot going on about him that makes him irresistible to me. He even loves cute animals, which is important to me because I want to travel to a giraffe manor with my boyfriend.

I wonder how many guys have these traits. I just want a boyfriend like him, but has those two must-have qualities: loves me even more with my alopecia, and won’t cheat on me.

 

Jason and Ji’s wedding

Can’t believe Jason got married! Happy for him.

The wedding was pleasant. It was to start at 6pm. I arrived at 6:20pm. It was to really start at 6:30pm.

Damien was one of the best men. Cute! The groomsmen and bridesmaids walked out singly. It was funny to see Jason walked out awkwardly by himself. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Ji came out. It was the first time I saw her! She was pretty. Her smile was not blossomy and her skin was not very good, but still, quite pretty.

The ceremony was pretty brief. Outdoor, gorgeous weather.

I saw Peter as I walked in. With his wife Joanna. Then I saw Trina and Mike (and Javen who I just met). It was good to see familiar-ish faces. Then I saw Gill, Harry, and Harry’s wife, Thu!

I mostly chatted with Gill and Damian.

Gill is at Git Hub now. Good for her! Damian at Google still. Jason quit and moved to GoFundMe. Harry has a 1.5 yo daughter. They recently moved back to Vancouver. Peter was not thrilled about his 2 daughters moving back from University over the summer. Kids seem like a lot of pain. But then again, no pain no gain. Relationships are a lot of pain also.

Funny how, friends I had met in the past are more special than I expected. I felt like I didn’t know or want to know many of them, but, turned out they are all I get. I should probably hang out with them more.

I do want more quality friends though…

 

 

 

Matthew’s visit after China trip

5 weeks in Taiwan/China means it’s been about 6 weeks since I saw Matthew. I needed to see him so bad. I felt like this has been a hard trip, and I needed his TLC.

I arranged to see him even before I came back. We saw each other yesterday, and again, he was amazing. We enjoyed each other so much.

I’m uncertain about this sexlationship….feels like I can lose it any time. But then again, it comes with the freedom.

I didn’t want to assume any thing… that there will be a next time, that we’ll still enjoy each other, that he’d even show up the day he said he would.

He came at 10pm. I went downstairs with a tight white top and a black mini skirt. He loved my skirt. Apparently he only remembers my bottoms. This was only the 3rd time we saw each other. He remembered the white shorts from the first time but not the salmon pink sweater I wore. And the second time, I wore a denim onesie, and he only remembered it as tight jeans lol. (It’s cute that he tried to recall what I wore each time, and had noticed that I like dressing up.)

I was so nervous and excited and all cute when I saw him. I skipped to him and jumped onto him. A car pulled out from the garage and I quickly got down so I don’t moon the driver. I can tell he thought I was really cute.

We kissed so hard because we missed each other so much.

When we came up here, for a moment, he just hugged me tight. It felt nice. It felt like we needed each other.

Throughout the night, he said quite a few times that it’s been too long. He said that he’s just been drinking with friends on Friday nights and feeling tired the next day. With me he felt good the next day.

I didn’t expect him to not find someone else to fill in my spot while I was away… It’s nice to know that it seems to be the case. Well, he’s been busy working.

I made it pretty clear that I didn’t sleep with other guys on this trip. Not that he seemed to care, but I will maintain that image that I’m sexy but not a slut.

He pleased me like usual…ear-nibbling. But I must admit, it didn’t have the same effect as before.. I was surprised….and a little disappointed. Can this magic trigger have vanished already?? I asked him to bite my neck, which was more effective in turning me on this time.

Maybe I was too preoccupied with my wig…it wasn’t staying on as well as before. Or maybe it’s the jet lag.

But I remember how Patrick stopped having the same effect on me when he visited last year.

Maybe it was from not having seen each other a while? Maybe because I wasn’t in the mood (was having my period / jet lagged). Or maybe that’s just how I am.

Still, there’s no one else I’d rather sleep with. He is so damn sexy and flirty. I think he is more muscular since last I saw him. His 11 lines turned me on so bad. I’m finding his ass super cute too. I think it’s his ass obsession rubbing off on me.

His ass is very much a bubble butt. But a tiny one, so it’s super cute. Patrick has a tiny ass too, and it’s shaped in a masculine, even sexier way. No doubt Patrick’s body is bar-none…. but Matthew’s is ridiculously sexy too.

His penis hurt me a little this time. But I’m ok today. Just my neck hurt a bit from all the biting. Kinda a turn on. It didn’t leave any very noticeable hickeys, which is good. I want to see Ashley this coming week lol!

When he was ready to come, he came in like, 1 second, literally. Interesting how he is.

We browsed my panda videos, chatted about referral marketing. He’s had a busy day today with 4 meetings. He was mentally drained. But he still performed in bed.

I was jet lagged….but was fine during his visit.

For round two, we had plan on having oil sex, but he wasn’t sure if he can do it. He said he was old (and tired).

So we made out first. He saw my ass, and he was hard again. “I’m so simple!” he said. Hahaha.

We put down the table cloth, then the sheets. I warmed up some coconut oil. We put it on each other, which was kinda hot. The coconut oil was thick though. Thicker than mineral oil. And more noisy. I liked mineral oil more (but it clogs pores apparently). Still it was fun. He was hard.

He asked if I wanted him to face me when he came. I think we both preferred it. He kept saying to not look at him when he came. I said, “Look at me,” and made the gnarling face that he made last time hahaha.

He was thrilled about the face masks I gifted him. Rose vs. Peptide. I’m glad I chose the more up to date one for him, because he was definitely studying the ingredients.

The only thing I didn’t like about the night was that he mentioned “his half” which I think meant his gf. I think they were cooking up the sample for their Taiga brand. In his kitchen.

I wish I could start a thriving business with my boyfriend. But then, if that boyfriend was to cheat on me…I’d rather not.

I walked him to his car to get the parking pass. He thanked me like he did last time. He kissed the top of my head a couple times, which was cute. We also kissed quite a bit…I love kissing him.

Part of me feels that it’s not the same as before. I wonder if he felt it too. We are getting used to each other, fast. How long will this last? At the same time, I still love having sex with him…so I hope it lasts.