I don’t know why but I needed to lie down several times today. I cried a bit too.
I just lie there and think about Patrick.
Why am I so into him? I have no idea. Yes he is hot, but it didn’t really arouse me the same way this time. It’s not like our conversations were amazing (like before). It’s not like sex was amazing (like before). It’s not like he loves me (I just take what I can get and pretend I don’t want more.)
I don’t know what it is. Maybe I just needed someone. Maybe it’s just residue from our previous lives – our feelings for each other. Maybe it’s my thinking that we had a previous life together.
I know I will get over this feeling soon. But it surprised me that I have these feelings.
Ah, I know. It’s because he was the first guy to tell me that he wanted to fuck me without a wig on, and when he saw me he said he’s never been so turned on his entire life. And then we had the best sex ever.
Previous life or not, this meant a lot to me. I am forever grateful of him.
It feels like unconditional love. Which is all that we want. Our own #1 fan.
I will give him unconditional love, if he doesn’t abuse it.