Month: September 2016

Last night I met up with Fin at Blenz by Commercial and Broadway.

He is from New Zealand and only here for another week, but I swiped right because he looked young for his age (he is 31 but looks 18) and his write-up was hilarious: “**** No regrets” -ex

I was so nervous about meeting up with him because, it’s my first Tinder date, and, what if I don’t like him!?

He was punctual. I was 20 minutes late…but he was good about it.

Walked into Blenz, whew, he is cute!

I loved his cute little nose. Delicate yet rebellious. A nose that Peter Pan would have. The shape of his face was perfect too. Oh and he’s got a really cute smile. His eyes smile when he smiles.

We talked for a bit. He is here for a wedding. He is well-travelled. He lived in France for over a year, getting his masters. He majored in environmental studies and later on international relations. He speaks fluent French. He would love to volunteer in protecting safari animals. He’s been an editor, editing country music. He currently works for the government, preparing stats for them for environmental conferences.

I didn’t expect him to be smart and interesting. That was attractive.

After chatting for maybe half hour, I invited him to come back with me. The most awkward thing to do, but we were both happy about it obviously.

My period just started, which is unfortunate…but he didn’t mind. We didn’t even make out on the way there. We just chatted.

Turned out he lived one or two skytrain stops away from me. We walked by the Starbucks near Gilmore, and he said, “We could’ve met here!” I said, “I know! But it’s too close to my place!” He joked about how awkward it’d be if it didn’t work out and he’d still follow me home, lol.

When we got to my place, we sat on the sofa, talked about how awkward it is…then turned to each other and started making out.

Moved to the bedroom. Felt a bit weird that it wasn’t Matthew.

One thing that I noticed that was a turn off was his BO. It wasn’t a totally disgusting smell, but it was pungent…

We had sex…at first it wasn’t nearly as good as it was with Matthew, but it got better.

The movements were awkward, and his body was not as hot. He wasn’t fat, but his shoulders were narrow and his body is kind of like Bender’s body. Surprising for a skinny guy.

After that, we showered. That helped control the BO.

Then we had sex 2nd, 3rd, 4th time. Each time it got better and better! He recovers so quickly it’s amazing haha. And he was really good at kissing, making out, and cuddling.

His hair was soft like a bunny’s fur! His skin was soft too.

Each time we talked, it got better. We had fun talking and laughing. He told me so many things about NZ, his childhood, his relationships.

He looks into my eyes a lot. He loved kissing. He loved it when I nibbled on his ear and bit his neck, just like me!

Then it was late, and he ask if I was ok with him staying. Last time someone spent the night was…Patrick, which was a year ago. And before that, Josh, which was 2 years ago.

We cuddled and talked for a while until I finally got up to finish some work.

I went back to bed at around 4am, and to my pleasant surprise, he woke up and said it was like I never left, and we started chatting, then making out, then “fucking”. I had a tampon in, but my wetness came through. He was fucking me between my thighs, which still felt amazing. I just love having a cute guy all over me. Plus he was stimulating me from the clit area, which turned me on too. It was best “sex” with him yet.

After a while, he said it was time for him to go. He could hear that the skytrain had started.

It was about 6:30am. Still darkish out. That’s good because I had almost no makeup on haha.

We kissed so much. He pinned me against the wall and wanted to fuck me some more. My head was hitting the wall though.

He told me how sexy I was. It was nice.

We kept kissing each other and could hardly peel away. Finally said goodbye.

It was a fun night!

I liked that Fin helped take my mind off Matthew almost completely. Sure his body is not nearly as good, and he has BO, but it was still pretty good time and pretty good sex. I let him use the unicorn towel. I poured the sugar daddy candle wax (which is also massage oil) on him. Matthew and I always lit that candle, though we never got around to using it as a massage oil.

I just love the intimacy in sex and chat, and Fin was good company.

It also took my mind off Andrew and I wasn’t as excited about him now. I’m sure I will be still nervous and excited before our date tomorrow.

I just love this quote from my Momentum extension today.

And of course, I’m thinking about Matthew. Yes, I’m still thinking about him. I still have conversations with him in my head. Imagining what he says to me and what I say to him.

At the same time, I’m hopeful of finding someone better.

Andrew, my bagel from Coffee meets Bagel has been adorable. He said good morning to me this morning, and asked about my evening. He is just so super sweet. I can’t wait to meet him.

He is only 28, but he seems mature. His profile pictures were succinct.

5 years ago him and his friend started a festival called Garden of Eden. It now attracts 60,000 attendees! That’s impressive. He said he moved here to escape the party scene.

I can tell that he is not poor, just from the fact that he has a huge liquor collection and that he flies to Toronto every year to help with the party. Also he lives and works downtown. (Just found out that he really is an “experience designer” and does graphics/branding for customers. I like that!)

I also might meet up with a kiwi, Fin. He is 31 but looks 18. That’s my type alright. He is only here for a couple of weeks, so it’s gonna be a hookup.

I liked his sense of humour. His profile said, “**** No regrets!” -ex

It was hilarious.

He said he was in LOTR. I asked what he was, thinking he’d be an elf. He said he was a peasant with a wheel barrel. I said that’s hot. He said, yeah, super glitzy.

My impression is that he is polite, likeable, funny, easygoing, and has lots of friends.

I thought about, how, all these 7 years, all I wanted out of Matthew was for him to know that I’m successful as an entrepreneur, and for him to accept my alopecia. Yet, as soon as this was achieved, our paths diverged.

Just like, when the last thing about Patrick came true (Inspiring Australian beach bum with long blonde hair) – when he became blonde – our paths diverged.

I remember Becky told me to not manifest qualities in my dream guy. Such a weird thing to say. But maybe there’s something to it.

What if, I wish that Matthew and I are for each other? That we’ll make each other happy? That we’ll be honest, sincere, passionate, and loving towards each other. That we’ll never cheat on each other. That we’ll have unending love and compassion and affection for each other?

When I put it that way, I don’t see how he can ever be that.

But at the same time, how can we ever be together ever again?

I really enjoyed our time together….but was that it? Seems like such a shame…

Right now we are both still hot, still passionate for each other.

Years from now, we won’t be as hot. We will never be the same. This is as good as it gets. Yet, we are (I am) letting it go.

Will I ever find someone as cute and funny and smart and great in bed as Matthew? I hope so.