Month: April 2017

I just read my “Dream Guy” article. Written on Feb 12, 2017. That’s 2 days before I met Jeffrey. It’s 3 days after Jeff and I ended.

I read it and I cried. Jeffrey is pretty much all of it. 95%. Plus he has cool characteristics that I didn’t expect, like being so outgoing and wanting to know my friends.

But, to be perfectly honest, I had doubts about him.

1. I don’t always have a lot of fun with him. Somehow it’s often boring to be with him. I don’t know why. Like we are on different wave lengths.
2. His upper body is not hot. No pecs, thick waist, chest hair stubbles, slouchy shoulders
3. His jaw a bit too wide for me
4. His dick is curved
5. His balls are not symmetric
6. His balls hang super low
7. He isn’t very smart
8. He is very old fashioned in terms of furniture and tastes in decor
9. He is not the best kisser. Too much tongue
10. He is a bit boring in the bedroom
11. He checks his phone too often

I do love his blond hair and hair style. His loving personality. He is funny. He is tech-savvy. He is reasonably smart. He adores me. He compliments me. He thinks I’m a 10 out of 10. He thinks I’m beautiful bald. He is generous. He is kind. He is elegant. He is thoughtful. His dick is big. He has great stamina. He has a great smile. He has beautiful blue eyes. He has a good job, good career that he loves and is paid well for it. He is open to try new things such as yoga. He is tall. He has toned legs and arms. He is clean. He can cook. He is organized. He is efficient.

I’m gonna miss what we had, so much.

Sigh. Just when I start to feel that Jeffrey and I will be together.

He messaged me on Wednesday night asking if he can come on Thursday because he might be skiing and camping on the weekend.

I was a little disappointed but I tried to not let that bother me. I wanted to spend more time with him, but now it’s just gonna be an evening.

He had suggested that we cook. I thought we were gonna go shopping, and then make something complex, like paleo vegetarian pizza.

But instead he brought salmon and asparagus over, and I supplied quinoa.

When he first came in the door, he said, Omg you’re so beautiful. I’ve forgotten how beautiful you are. (Later he said it was probably because of my smokey eye makeup lol. But still. He is sweet.)

He cooked mostly. It didn’t turn out like how I imagined. Imagined teamwork. Instead, he was really quick, a bit stressed, and when I kept touching him he made a comment about it. So I stopped altogether. I wanted to cry. Something was off.

After dinner, he brought up the kids thing. I reconfirmed that I didn’t want to have kids. He said he knows he’d be really sad if he doesn’t have kids. He said he didn’t know what to do. I said, You do know. I said he should find someone else, and that he should have kids because he would be a great dad.

Then I started to cry. He asked if he should go home. I said no.

He asked what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to get naked. And we had sex.

He had a rather messed up day where he forgot things. Physio appointment, appointment with a friend who was going to check his shoulder. He had to get up early the next day for an important training presentation. Oh and he ran 10K for no apparent reason.

He was tired. He said he would stay up with me. But his eyes were closed. There was no point so I took a shower and went to bed. It was midnight.

I kept crying silently. I didn’t sleep.

At around 4:30, he was a bit awake. I started playing with his dick and masturbated. I had a tampon in so we can’t fuck.

His dick got hard real fast. He seemed like he was gonna cum, so I was bit rushed to cum. I’m not sure if I really came.

I noticed that he was still hard after. Turned out he didn’t cum. So I started going down on him. He enjoyed that so much. I sucked on him ’til he came. He said that was the best he’s ever had. I’m not surprised. I went down on him a little bit once, and he was already overjoyed. Most girls don’t like to give I guess. I almost never do it to the point of having cum in my mouth. But, I wanted to be memorable to him. It was probably the last time I see him. And I do like him a lot. His cum is tasteless. Probably because of his clean diet.

We showered, then cuddled for an hour. He said there’s no other place he’d rather be than here, but he had to go to work.

I had given him a bottle of black truffle oil. He took his tequila, and all the food he brought. A little strange, but I guess it makes sense…we are over anyhow.

I cried some more after he left. I messaged Mom about this. Mom was so sad. We talked on the phone for a while.

Deep down, I was starting to really like him, and I was starting to envision a life with him. I mean, he must’ve been too, that’s why the kids thing became important.

I felt that something was gonna go wrong actually, before he came over. I thought that maybe we’d have a fight. But instead it’s this.

When I was cleaning, I move the “Everything in this box IS” box into the closet. I thought to myself, Yeah! 1 out of the 3 things I want is coming true! At this amazing manifestation rate, for sure I’m also going to make $3MM this year, and have abs!

Now, it’s a different story. It’s back to square 1.

I told Mom, it’s ok. We thought Jeff was great and was the one, but he wasn’t. Then Jeffrey came along and was even sweeter. Someone else will come. Someone perfect for me. I believe it.

 

 

 

I’m grateful 🙂

Had an awesome birthday, and Jeffrey was so great.

I learned a few things about Jeffrey.

He can talk to anyone. He made an effort to connect with all my friends at the party. I was impressed! He was so funny and a great story teller. Leif came, which was a surprise. He was a total recluse. Jeffrey went and talked to him, and said he was a good guy.

He total Tyler a crazy story and Ty was laughing so hard. He even related to Cat! And he impressed Nicole!

He said my friends are amazing, and I’m amazing.

There was an awkward moment when Lisa pointed out Norm being my ex. He diffused it with humour.

He is just so cute.

While he liked everyone, towards the end he said he wished they’d leave soon (so we can be alone haha)

We were more like a couple than I intended. Maybe because I just touch him and kiss him so naturally.

He took a video of us kissing. And he couldn’t stop watching the video. He says he wants to share with the world on his IG, but he knows it’s too early. He says he decided a while ago that he wasn’t going to date anyone else, just me. He wasn’t sure where I was at, but he said he is like that. The way he talked about me actually brought a bit of tears to my eyes. He really likes me.

He is, from what I can tell so far, exactly what I wished for.

Physically I’m attracted to him, though his body is not perfect like Matthew’s. I mind that a little bit…but, he is still attractive.

The only things holding me back are that we haven’t had a very deep conversation. And, for several reasons, I didn’t have butterflies with him like I did with Jeff. Maybe because Jeff broke my heart. I was crying so much around the time I met Jeffrey, and still very hung up on Jeff.

But Jeffrey is the real deal. I can’t imagine Jeff working the party like Jeffrey did. Jeffrey has a high EQ and a kind heart.

And he is so much better at communicating!

And I thought we didn’t laugh very much when we hung out, but he made me laugh a few times this weekend. For example, when getting the balloons refilled at the mall, we saw a guy taking a weird route between a wall and a garbage bin. He was all stealth but knocked a fire hydrant lid off as he did so, and the lid made a huge sound as it landed. We both looked and tried not to laugh. Going into the mall, we saw a garbage bin by a sign. Jeffrey took a detour and walked between the sign and the garbage. I thought it was hilarious.

When we were at the dollar store, he bought some googly eyes. So cute. We got to the car with 32 filled balloons. Nicole and I sat at the front, and he sat at the back with 32 balloons. We couldn’t even see him! He can’t hear us either, because he balloons are really loud.

He Instagrammed a video of him trapped in the balloons, and another one of him wearing the googly eyes. He also put his face to the car window and silently cried for help at the pedestrians. Ahahaha. He is just too cute. I thought about whether I can have him in my life forever. If he is this fun, then I think so!

When the guests have left and we finally got the bedroom, I brought the balloons and the strobe light in. He went to change the playlist, and walked into the bedroom with a glow stick on his penis! Ahhahaha

He was a bit drunk, which was probably why he was more verbal than usual. He told me that he’s been waiting to meet someone special, and I am special. I said he’s probably said that before to someone else, he said he never had.

We humped for a while, but he didn’t cum. Maybe because of the alcohol. We humped really hard though. I thought we broke the bed springs. Turned out the slacks under the bed had fallen so the mattress sank. It was fixable.

He wanted a break. When I went to brush my teeth, he saw me and said I had the hottest body ever. He came onto me from behind, which was really hot. But the angle didn’t quite work, because he was too tall. I went to grab shoes. He was confused, and for some reason thought I got clogs. When he saw that I got pumps, he was so turned on and said, we can make this work. And fucked me ’til he came on my back.

He used words like “forever”. I think he wants to be with me forever.

I feel that there’s a bit of sadness in his past that he has not told me. He seems to seek comfort in me in a way that I think he had sadness in the past. I wonder what it is.

The next morning, we woke up at before 7am, and started humping again. Haha. Poor neighbours.

His dick really isn’t straight. But more straight than Norm’s. And he is huge.

We had sex, went to White Spot for breakfast, had sex again, took a nap, then had sex again.

He then helped me clean up. He was so great at it. So efficient. We cleaned the place in an hour.

We then went to Power Yoga together. The teacher Chloe was so good. Jeffrey didn’t like the Highgate location nor the class as much though.

He was really tired after the class, and seemed distant. I was a bit put off by it. But he seemed to still try. Wasn’t moody.

He later said sorry if he seemed distant. He was a bit distracted by work stuff, and he was really tired.

He said he was gushing about me to his mom, so he needed to send her a photo of me. I said my mom has a folder named “Jeffrey” on her Desktop.

He “loved” the photo of me when I was drawing at 10. When I just had alopecia. He said that was the same me as I am now. I wasn’t sure why he was so attracted to that photo. But ok.

Mom is now really into Jeffrey. Haha. Makes sense though. He’s been nothing but amazing.