Sigh. Just when I start to feel that Jeffrey and I will be together.
He messaged me on Wednesday night asking if he can come on Thursday because he might be skiing and camping on the weekend.
I was a little disappointed but I tried to not let that bother me. I wanted to spend more time with him, but now it’s just gonna be an evening.
He had suggested that we cook. I thought we were gonna go shopping, and then make something complex, like paleo vegetarian pizza.
But instead he brought salmon and asparagus over, and I supplied quinoa.
When he first came in the door, he said, Omg you’re so beautiful. I’ve forgotten how beautiful you are. (Later he said it was probably because of my smokey eye makeup lol. But still. He is sweet.)
He cooked mostly. It didn’t turn out like how I imagined. Imagined teamwork. Instead, he was really quick, a bit stressed, and when I kept touching him he made a comment about it. So I stopped altogether. I wanted to cry. Something was off.
After dinner, he brought up the kids thing. I reconfirmed that I didn’t want to have kids. He said he knows he’d be really sad if he doesn’t have kids. He said he didn’t know what to do. I said, You do know. I said he should find someone else, and that he should have kids because he would be a great dad.
Then I started to cry. He asked if he should go home. I said no.
He asked what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to get naked. And we had sex.
He had a rather messed up day where he forgot things. Physio appointment, appointment with a friend who was going to check his shoulder. He had to get up early the next day for an important training presentation. Oh and he ran 10K for no apparent reason.
He was tired. He said he would stay up with me. But his eyes were closed. There was no point so I took a shower and went to bed. It was midnight.
I kept crying silently. I didn’t sleep.
At around 4:30, he was a bit awake. I started playing with his dick and masturbated. I had a tampon in so we can’t fuck.
His dick got hard real fast. He seemed like he was gonna cum, so I was bit rushed to cum. I’m not sure if I really came.
I noticed that he was still hard after. Turned out he didn’t cum. So I started going down on him. He enjoyed that so much. I sucked on him ’til he came. He said that was the best he’s ever had. I’m not surprised. I went down on him a little bit once, and he was already overjoyed. Most girls don’t like to give I guess. I almost never do it to the point of having cum in my mouth. But, I wanted to be memorable to him. It was probably the last time I see him. And I do like him a lot. His cum is tasteless. Probably because of his clean diet.
We showered, then cuddled for an hour. He said there’s no other place he’d rather be than here, but he had to go to work.
I had given him a bottle of black truffle oil. He took his tequila, and all the food he brought. A little strange, but I guess it makes sense…we are over anyhow.
I cried some more after he left. I messaged Mom about this. Mom was so sad. We talked on the phone for a while.
Deep down, I was starting to really like him, and I was starting to envision a life with him. I mean, he must’ve been too, that’s why the kids thing became important.
I felt that something was gonna go wrong actually, before he came over. I thought that maybe we’d have a fight. But instead it’s this.
When I was cleaning, I move the “Everything in this box IS” box into the closet. I thought to myself, Yeah! 1 out of the 3 things I want is coming true! At this amazing manifestation rate, for sure I’m also going to make $3MM this year, and have abs!
Now, it’s a different story. It’s back to square 1.
I told Mom, it’s ok. We thought Jeff was great and was the one, but he wasn’t. Then Jeffrey came along and was even sweeter. Someone else will come. Someone perfect for me. I believe it.