Woke up at 7am
Can’t remember when I went to bed. I was quite sad last night. I thought I was gonna see Matty for sex, but later he said he had to work. That’s all fine, but, later when I checked at around 11pm, he had blocked me on WhatsApp! WTF?!
I couldn’t understand why. He seemed genuinely wanting to meet (It’s for sex, why wouldn’t he?) He went into details about the sequence of our sex..oil sex, followed by shower sex, followed by regular sex, then late night sex. There are so many details in the convo that gave me no reason to doubt that he was lying about his intention.
There was an oddness the day before. I think he deleted me from Whatsapp, because he never “read” my last couple messages. Considering we just talked about very sexual details, it was weird.
My messages were simply, are we meeting today? I’m planning out the day. Later in the day, he replied in Tinder. So I think he did delete me. I replied in Whatsapp, and we chatted in there, talking about sexual stuff, like we did the day before.
I thought that, if we did hit it off, I’d ask him about this odd behaviour. That made me look at his Whatsapp again late last night, and that was when I discovered that his profile didn’t show an image, and when I went into it, it showed no “last seen” time. I think that means I was blocked.
What a blow! And why? It’s not like I was smothering him. He was the one that kept talking to me while I worked.
I checked his distance from me in Tinder. He was 12km away. I don’t know how far away he usually is, but 12km away is not Langley like he said he was going to be (to work at midnight). Ok, maybe he was relocated. I checked again at 8am out of curiosity if he is moving (getting off work). He moved to 8km away. And now, around 10am, he is less than a mile away. I guess I don’t really know what’s going on.
In any case, I just don’t see any justifiable reason for blocking me. Someone else had his phone? He is not single?
I feel that I really, really don’t know a person, based on chat. I need to recalibrate how I judge a person based on chat. I thought he would be a nice rebound after Jeff, but didn’t expect him to disappoint so much also.
Thankfully Jay is still texting me, and was being sweet. He is kind of a lone, aimless, laid back person, living in the Valley, someone I probably wouldn’t want to date. We have almost nothing in common. He has a decent sense of humour. That’s why we still talk.
He asked if I was still looking for my soulmate. I said, Yeah, why would I stop? (A moment later I was crying and wanting to stop Tinder and online dating altogether, ironically. Deep down I know I need to keep looking, but it’s terribly frustrating.)
He said, “You shouldn’t. I’m can’t believe you haven’t found one yet.” He told me that “guys must be falling in love with me left right and centre.”
I said thanks, I wish that was the case. He said, “Guaranteed. Because I’m smart, independent, outgoing, has a great sense of humour, and is gorgeous.”
Such sweet things to say. It tells me that he admires me, but I sense he also doesn’t seem to believe there’s a future for us. We have so little in common after all. Plus he is probably too hairy.
For now, it’s fine just chatting with him. Even though I kept saying, Let’s meet soon, I’m fine with us not meeting. I’m so lonely I could use someone like him. Just to chat with. Kinda sad I know.
I don’t want to be on Tinder nor Bumble now. Not even OKC. Maybe I’ll wait ’til Spring. Too much frustration, too many weirdos, and it seems to be low season for dating.
It’s been 2 weeks since Jeff was gone, and I’m still crying. Not crying about him specifically, just about my dating life. All the heartless, insincere people I’m met the past few years. I mean, all of them really. Matty was the last straw. His strange behaviour makes me question my ability to read people. And all the people I’ve met make me question why I’m attracting them into my life.
Dear God. I appreciate everything you’ve given me. I definitely do.
I don’t want to be sad. I know it’s not good for attracting good stuff into my life. But I’m so sad. I’m balling right now.
I want to meet the one. I want to meet my soulmate! Please. I’m ready. I want to love him, get to know him, care for him, laugh with him, and enjoy life with him. I want to be loved.
Today is kinda a take it easy day. It’s the weekend. I worked on my Buzzfeed style video a bit. Chatted with Jay from Tinder. I’m not in a rush to meet him now. I’m content just msging him. I don’t need more disappointments. And I don’t want to meet him and then lose him too. He supports me mentally by being a fan of me.