What a weird mix.
I arrived in Victoria on Wednesday. On Thursday night, I went to bed and suddenly missed Jeff a lot.
Where I slept…that was exactly where I “bonded” with him. I remember when our conversation started to make my heart pound.
I went back into the thought loop of what I could’ve said, and why he didn’t do this and that. I started crying uncontrollably again.
It’s been exactly a month since we “broke up”, yet I still feel so much for him.
Deep down I know we have lots of incompatibilities, even though there are lots of compatibilities that made it seem like we are made for each other. If we start spending time together, we’d be miserable too.
But it’s so hard to let go. I hardly hold a grudge of the bad things he did. Why is that? I mainly just remember the good. I don’t want to remember the bad anyway. I don’t want to think of it as something meaningless.
But, not putting him down and not pointing out the bad of that relationship, make it harder to let go. I guess it’ll just have to be that way.
I still think about, are we meant to meet one day? What if we are both downtown? What if we are both at a pub? What if we just walk by each other and pause for a moment, smile, embrace? Of course if that was the case, it can’t end right there.
If he would just message me, tell me that he misses me, I’d be there in a heart beat. If he would just tell me that he was bipolar but now he is on meds, and hopefully one day we would date, I’d be happy. I miss him. I just want to know that he missed me too and that he wanted to be with me if only he could.
But, even if he wants to message me, I’m sure if he sees Jeffrey on my wall he’d think it’s a bad idea to contact me. Then again, if he didn’t contact me a month ago, there’s no way he would now.
On the other hand, Jeffrey has been cute and seems smitten with me.
He is funny, pretty good looking, and has a lot of great qualities. He is a sweet guy and I want to spend time with him.
We can’t date though. He is not smart enough, and I don’t feel that him and I can ever be a power couple.
My soul mate is coming. I know.
He’ll be everything I want. Smart, funny, loyal, sweet, handsome, sexy, positive. We’ll have so much fun together and we’ll fall in love; we’ll be a power couple and live happily ever after.