I woke up this morning and felt ok. I wasn’t sure what was the first thing that came to mind, but it wasn’t Jeffrey. It wasn’t like how Jeff was on my mind first thing in the morning for 3, 4 weeks.
I think I’ll heal much fast this time. Maybe cause I wasn’t as in love. Maybe because he wasn’t the one. Or maybe I’m getting tougher.
Still, I’m crying right now.
I’m crying after reading about how Molly cried about Wally actually. I think her pain just reminds me of mine. I was easily triggered.
I can’t wait to find my love, my soulmate.
For a brief moment I thought I could be with Jeffrey. It was so brief. Maybe 1 week during my birthday. That was it.
Now back to sadness.
Oh I want to be happy.
Talked to Cat yesterday though, and it helped.
Jeffrey and I were chatting more than usual yesterday, because we were both lonely and missing each other.
But at the same time, the more I chat with him, the more I see a mis-match. I don’t know what he is saying, and he doesn’t know what I’m saying.
Matthew and I hardly ever misunderstood each other. Jeffrey is just not as smart I guess.
Cat called, of all my friends. Cyndi acted so cold. Nicole didn’t even respond.
Cat sounded differently yesterday. She sounded like a seasoned oracle. She sounded older and more confident.
She said it without hesitation, that she felt Jeffrey and I were on different wave lengths, and that he is just a stepping stone, someone to help me better understand what I want in my dream husband.
Interesting. What she said I already knew.
I read the “Dream Husband” article I wrote on Feb 12, 2017, 2 days before meeting him. I will make some edits.
Later in the day Jeffrey messaged to say he misses me. He said he didn’t know what to do. Basically he really wants to have kids. Was with someone for nearly 10 years, and she didn’t want to have kids.
He was sad but was joking around. He was drinking wine by himself.
I emailed him a long letter telling him that he is amazing and if I wanted a baby he would make me feel safe enough to do it with him, because it seems like he can love someone forever.
He sent me a photo of him in bed. He said he took it while saying he misses me so much.
I cried.
This morning I saw his reply at 4:30am. He couldn’t sleep. He said he missed me. But he also said a bunch of other things that showed he wasn’t a very smart or deep thinker.
He kept saying he didn’t know what to do. Said he is sad but there’s no solution. I really don’t understand him. I can’t help but reply that he just needs to look for women who want kids and are <33 years old.
He said it like it’s not as easy as I think it is (not sure if he meant getting over me or finding a date). I don’t know why he would have a hard time finding a date. Maybe he needs better photos. And write something in his profile.
I feel like he’ll have an easier time than me.
But, I believe in what Cat said. The best is yet to come 🙂