For the moment, things are ok with me and Alex. We are saying good morning and I love you to each other.
But I’m pessimistic about us. Sigh.
I hope that when we settle in we’ll be happy together again.
*Just now I asked about how much rent to pay. He calculated it and it was $1210, and he said $1200 is fine. And said that he can’t wait to share a bed with me every night. Awww. I suddenly remembered that he is a good guy and I want to cuddle with him.
I said #spoonfordays, he said #sitonmyfacefordays Ahahaha
I’m starting to not expect anything to come out of me and Sam.
- He is too young. Only 26. He needs to grow up still.
- Our age gap is too big. 11 years. I don’t want to be the older and more experienced one in a relationship. Plus it’ll be a while before he gets out of the party phase.
- He has his issues. Not very reliable. Would disappear sometimes.
- Can’t keep his dick in his pants and flirts with everyone. Sure he says he is monogamous, but, what one says is not always what one does.
Part of me was hoping that we’d spend some alone time before we part ways. Even get to talk about our feelings for each other. But realistically, I’m not gonna go out of my way to arrange alone time with him, and if he wanted to he could’ve done it already.
Also part of me was hoping that we can be together later on in life. But realistically, this is the only time we have.
I mean, none of the above is an issue if we want it to work, but, I have Alex, and he wasn’t really trying. I don’t know if it’s because of Alex that he respectfully keep a distance, but it doesn’t matter.
Dear God, I trust you that this is for the best.
I really want to be with someone who makes me laugh so hard everyday like he does. I hope one day I will. For now, there are things I can learn from being with Alex.