Yesterday I posted on FB about signing up for 2 more chapters, and my intention of going to Bali. I kind of wanted to see who are going, and I guess I kinda wanted Sam to know about it. I don’t feel anything about him right now though. My head is 1000% Alex. I still feel so heart broken.
Sure enough, Sam messaged me today. Actually I’m a little surprised. It’s a sign that he likes me I think. More than a little bit like.
I remember having a conversation with him about Alex. I told him that I felt pessimistic about me and Alex.
He said Oh Tanya, you gotta protect your heart. I thought, “I’m not worried about my feelings. I’m worried about Bunny’s feelings. I’ll be ok!” But, he was right. My heart hurts.
Alex, my bunny. I thought we were supposed to grow old together! There were warning signs in the beginning, but I overlooked them. And so did he.
And in truth, he was the best I’ve met so far. Sweet, loving, handsome, tall, blue eyes, slender, loyal, and sometimes funny. You were everything on my list, baby!
But, maybe the list is BS.
I met Sam. He made me laugh so much. For the first time, I didn’t care about looks. I felt that I could be with him and love him forever.
We seem to be able to talk to each other so easily, and think very much the same way.
BUT…there are many buts.
He is 26, 11 years younger. He hasn’t lived long enough, and we may have generation gaps.
He slept with at least 2 people while he was supposedly smitten with me.
He had a track record of getting distracted (reading a book at a party, falling asleep at random as he gets bored, as he told me), behaving weirdly socially (going home without telling Robert), being unreliable, getting bored easily, can’t focus. The list goes on.
Timing wise, he doesn’t have a job, and is hoping to start a few businesses. That’s not good. Reminds me of Idriss. At the beginning he was all hopeful and excited. But the next year, he was beaten by entrepreneurship. He was mean to me. It’s a hard life until you’ve made it.
I think Sam wants me to mentor him in business.
Do I believe in him?
Not really.
I think he has good ideas, and he’s proven to be able to make money, but, does he have follow-through? Does he have focus? He is ENFP. That’s not a good sign for follow-throughs. Then again, ENTP doesn’t either. But, ENTP is supposedly very good at entrepreneurship. But then, Ty doesn’t want to.
Maybe Myers Briggs is largely BS.
Anyway. I’m in Burnaby now. Being away from Alex does help me calm down and feel happier. I feel that I’m back to where I began, crying in front of Goddess of Compassion some time after Jeffrey, begging to find my soul mate, or, someone to fill my lonely void.
That time when Alex broke up with me, I cried to the Goddess of Compassion that I wanted someone to fill that time before WifiTribe began. Well, the timing was not what I expected. Alex came back and we lasted ’til two weeks after WifiTribe chapter was over. For better or for worse.
Sometimes it was miserable to have a bf while in the tribe, but it did give me the chance to get to know Sam, and wonder if he liked me.
I don’t know what’s happening next…but I know I’ll feel better and better!
Sam asked me what I wanted the future to hold. I said:
Future – explore, grow, go on adventures, laugh all the time, love, have amazing sex, make a positive difference, make great friends, connect deeply…and, hopefully, find someone to do all that with.
—
He wrote back and asked me some business question. To be honest I thought he’d be asking me to meet up with him somewhere in the world. But, I wouldn’t want to.
Do I want to help him in business? Not really either….
I only want to help people in biz if they can help me. Don’t like newbies.
Well, I’ll help him a bit. He did make me laugh.