I matched up and talked on the phone with a new guy today. James. He seems very sane, has his own biz, is location independent, has a condo in White Rock, and is very interested in my life. He is possibly decent looking, but is only 5’9. He is very serious though. Not very funny so far.
I found him so quickly. I had a sudden realization that, Steve must’ve been going on dates with other girls.
Our first two dates, I think I must’ve been the first one he liked. He was so thrilled about me.
I think he may have started chatting with other girls or even gone on dates after that.
All this time I thought it was just about kids and not living here. I forgot that, I stopped searching once I found him, just like Bella did and what most girls would do unless the guy is lacking. But guys are different. Guys will keep looking.
We both have been on Bumble for just two weeks, and, because I thought he didn’t look that great in his profile, he must’ve not gone on many dates. Come to think of it, I could be wrong.
Not to mention, he meets so many customers, he could’ve met people at his gym too.
I thought:
- He was loyal because he is a Taurus and he said he was loyal
- We had a strong connection, so he must’ve stopped swiping too.
- He wasn’t very popular because his profile wasn’t great
And I stopped swiping because:
- I was too jaded to really go out on dates while sad, one was already a chore
- Had a good date and didn’t want to bother with the other clearly worse guys
- I just needed one guy to help me get over Sam
- I was only here briefly
- I was busy with work and family
- I was too focused on whether I select him or not, and not realizing guys now-a-days are selectors too.
- I was convinced that I’m the best he’s encountered haha
- I have the tendency to laser focus my energy on just one guy. I’m monogamous at heart.
- I needed a rebound.
- I needed just good sex from one guy.
Now I know that:
- He will take time to fall in love and become loyal. Guys take their time to commit, especially when new to online dating. They will browse around instead of going with the first good one they found.
- Guys will keep swiping even after an amazing date and connection and sex (Like Johan!)
- If his profile was good enough for me, it’s good enough for many girls. Also, there are many much uglier profiles on Bumble. His looks relatively good.
Alex was probably a rare one. He also falls in love quickly like I do. It was without a doubt that we only liked each other. Jeffrey was sweet but even he tried to go on dates behind my back. Sam certainly has wandering mind and was quick to start swiping. So was I.
Lessons learned:
- Remember that a guy hasn’t chosen you yet, unless you’ve gone on several dates and he consistently shows that he chose you and that you have his undivided attention.
- Keep on going on more dates with other guys. Fill your roster so you have 3 decent candidates at all times.
- You don’t know the guy yet, in the first 2 months! Remember this! It takes time. Go slow. Don’t build up too much expectation. Get to know him.
- Don’t give too much up front! Give your loving energy and words, but not money or time or effort.
- Go light on committing and deciding! Don’t act like the person is your one and only…guys can feel the intensity and it makes them feel that you really really want a committed relationship with them too soon. It stresses them out and pushes them away.