My Dear husband:
- Is mentally and physically healthy – I’m pretty good, yes.
- Can handle stress well – Pretty good, yes.
- Can solve problems well – Yes
- Is emotionally available – Yes
- Is emotionally stable – Almost Yes
- Loves me and shows it in ways I can appreciate – Likely Yes
- Is super funny – I’m funny yes.
- Finds me super funny
- Adores me
- Admires me
- Makes me laugh
- Has a sense of wonder – Yes
- Has a growth mindset, and grows at similar pace as me – Yes
- Is happy – Yes
- Is positive – Yes
- Is supportive – Yes
- Is encouraging – Yes, can be even more so.
- Is inspiring – In some ways. Can be even more so.
- Is generous – Yes
- Is adventuresome – Yes
- Is sexy – Yes
- Is smart – Yes
- Is charming – Yes
- Is loyal – Yes
- Is sincere – Yes
- Is honest – Yes
- Thrives in this world – Yes
- Is playful – Somewhat, yes.
- Does grand things (travelling to exotic places) – Somewhat, yes.
- Does unusual things (cool hobbies, has great stories) – Somewhat, yes.
- Is mentally and physically healthy – John, yes.
- Can handle stress well – Not sure.
- Can solve problems well – So so.
- Is emotionally available – So so.
- Is emotionally stable – Almost Yes.
- Loves me and shows it in ways I can appreciate – Not quite. Not enough physical touch and words of affirmation.
- Is super funny – No
- Finds me super funny – No
- Adores me – Somewhat. Not always.
- Admires me – Somewhat.
- Makes me laugh – Not often.
- Has a sense of wonder – Not quite.
- Has a growth mindset, and grows at similar pace as me – No.
- Is happy – Not especially
- Is positive – So so.
- Is supportive – Yes
- Is encouraging – Yes, can be even more so.
- Is inspiring – In some ways. Can be even more so.
- Is generous – So so.
- Is adventuresome – So so.
- Is sexy – Yes
- Is smart – Not sure.
- Is wise
- Is charming – No.
- Is loyal – Yes
- Is sincere – Yes
- Is honest – Yes
- Thrives in this world – Somewhat
- Is playful – Somewhat, Not really.
- Does grand things (travelling to exotic places) – No
- Does unusual things (cool hobbies, has great stories) – Somewhat, yes.
- Is patient – Somewhat, yes
- Has grit – In sports yes. Not sure about in business
- Is open-minded – debatable
- Not judging – yes
- Good at resolving conflicts
- Good at creating a lasting, passionate relationship
- Good at creating a close bond with people
- We can have deep conversations
- Has a positive world impact
I had dinner with Jennifer tonight after picking her up from the airport. She said something very true:
If a guy had to change to suit your needs/wants, he’ll change back eventually. (e.g. after marriage in the case of her friend’s husband. He no longer helped with cleaning)
I also realized something while talking to her. John is such a bad conversationalist, and that will never change.
I really really can’t be with him.
He hardly talked to me today. Only when I talked to him. Just like I predicted.
It’s because:
- He probably just doesn’t need/want to spend a lot of time with me
- His friends wanted to hang out
- He is mad at me for something but not telling me (probably for being grumpy because I thought I got HPV from him.)
- He is turned off by me because I suspected that I had HPV.
I don’t think he is quite as stressed out as before. And yet he is still not talking to me much.
I miss it when he was romantic with me, taking me to Nuba!
What happened?
It makes me so sad.
How I want to have found the one for me. But he is so far from it. So close yet so far.
So handsome. And sometimes very sweet. Not a player.
I’m balling now. I’m so unhappy with him in so many ways.
Today I felt so rejected.
The end is near between me and him.
I want to try tantra with him for valentine’s day. But I don’t even know if we will last until then.
I know he is not the one for me. I just wanted to play and have fun with him for 2 more months, until Peru.
But, I’m starting to question whether I am having enough fun.
The lack of conversations. The lack of depth, laughter, curiosity in our conversations. The poor communications. Conflict avoidance. Lack of physical touch. Lack of physical affections. Lack of imaginations.
I’m so bored. So frustrated.
I’ll see how this week goes, and will try to last ’til VDay. But, I’m mentally prepared to let him go.