Wow. Patrick is back in Vancouver!
I could hardly believe it. I have been thinking about him a bit more lately, and I wondered why all that thinking about him didn’t bring him come back into my life. But then it did.
Last night, an hour before his birthday, he Facebook msg’d me. I didn’t even recognize who that was. His screen name was “Patrick Tal” instead of “Patrick Talbot”. I had to read our past conversation to see who it was. I noticed that last we chatted was me wishing him Happy Birthday in 2013. Exactly two years ago.
I love many things about him. He was the first person to make me feel amazing without hair. He was one of the hottest guys I’ve slept with. He was funny. He was….someone I’ve met and been in love with in previous lives.
But I know he is not perfect. I know I cannot trust him. I know I cannot count on him. He said I was the first person he thought of upon coming back to Vancouver. That’s sweet. But deep down I just think that he sugar coats everything and probably says the same to other girls.
Still I fantasized that we’ll have a super fun summer. I fantasized that I ask him to help me get abs. We have a hot workout, hot sex. And after, we go for lunch, and I’d buy him lunch as a thank-you for training me. And we’d see each other a couple times a week for this, and we’d have steaming hot sex every time.
But I don’t bank on this happening. Even if it did, I don’t bank on it being consistent. Ha, unless I pay him.
My biggest fear is that we don’t end well. It happened when I saw Idriss the second time, and when I saw Josh the second time.
With Josh, all I expected was that he showed up and kept in touch if he was gonna be away. He couldn’t even do that. Wasn’t a problem the first time I met him, but second time it was.
I think Patrick will be the same. He is probably gonna be worse.
When we expect nothing, we don’t get hurt. I wish I get everything I want, but I want a lot. It’s easier to make myself not want it much, than to want it half way.
I’ll be happy to see him if it happens. If I don’t, I’ll be happy that at least we had some special memory from last time.