No expectations of Patrick, just to protect myself from getting hurt. But indeed he didn’t even message me today, and I was still hurt.
I shouldn’t have to lower my expectation so much. I’d rather not have a guy than to have a flakey, insincere guy.
This is what I want to say to him:
I thought what we had was meaningful. Now I see it wasn’t.
Flakiness and insincerity are a waste of my time.
Please leave me out of your life.
Now my view of him is forever tainted. I guess it was tainted to begin with, otherwise I would’ve have felt the need to be so guarded and setting up a super low expectation.
It’s possible to find a good guy, I think. But, it requires putting myself out there, which I don’t want to do right now.
I’m 35, attracted to the young guys. I don’t want to find out how my market value has decreased. Inevitably it has. And more so each day. No normal 20-something will choose a 35 yo based on an online profile.
Perhaps if circumstances caused me to be around a 20-something, and we fell in love. Then there’s a chance that the guy is normal. But even then, the age gap is not something I’m interested in. Younger guys tend to be inexperienced, insincere, flakey, inconsiderate, unwise. A good looking, mature, wise, 20-something will have so many better options to pick from than a 35 yo with an extremely high expectation.
I don’t know if older guys are better actually. I just know that they are uglier, and more jaded.
The truth is, dating scene is way too grim right now for me. Sigh. And it’s all down hill from here. Double sigh.
Granted, I don’t socialize, I hardly have any friends. If I’m creative about this, I can still get laid by hot young guys. Join co-ed volleyball, go to meet-ups, go to speed dating, etc etc.
I’m sad that I have no good memories of any guy in my life now. Not even Patrick…the only person who was good to me, until now.