I really never thought there would be a day that I’d be so into Alex.
And to be more into him than I am into Bunny.
This weekend I’m asking Alex to coach me on launching and marketing.
I’ve been wanting to ask him lots of things about this for a long time. I’m glad I finally get to. I’ll pay him so I don’t feel guilty and so hopefully he’ll put more effort in.
He asked if that is my version of netflix and chill haha.
I’ve been so turned on just talking to him and thinking about him. This is with me not knowing how many tattoos he has, and knowing he is vindictive and had really hurt Shawn…
But after he helped create the most amazing night of my life that day at Spanish banks, watching the norther lights while high on mushroom…he is special to me. He made the night. We laughed so hard. We cuddled so perfectly together. He touched me lightly down there. He grabbed my hip just right. I felt so much bliss in his arms. I was forever changed.
I loved that when we sat down by the fireplace we held hands while talking. Him rubbing my ankles. Me grabbing his knee. Him grabbing my thigh. So natural.
He smelled like feet and he was wearing a pearl necklace and we were talking about business…haha…but still it was enjoyable.
When we sat down at the dining table and talked to Verge and Keyii, he was so open. Everyone was. Maybe it was the mushroom…but…I like it. I like them being so open, so unpretentious.
He had to lie down at the end of the day cuz mushroom made his stomach weird. When I was leaving, he sat up. I didn’t expect that…I wasn’t sure what we were and was ready to jet.
But, the messages he sent me after were a bit of a disappointment. He just wanted to Netflix and Chill.
I wish I was worth a bigger effort to him.
Maybe I shouldn’t put out then haha
It’s just that, I crave him. I crave sex. At least, making out. I think sex would be truly crossing the line. Am I ready to bend my rules?
The thing is, Bunny still hasn’t said he loves me. He is perpetually sad. Being with him has been boring, depressing, angering.
He’s helped me make a lot of money. He is sincere. He is ridiculously handsome…but..our relationship is pretty shitty.
It doesn’t help that prolotherapy damaged him.
It doesn’t help that his knee is badly hurt.
How long will it take before he heals from both?
I think he will….but it might take several more months.
I truly hope he’ll find happiness. That we’ll both find happiness.
Meanwhile, I’m dying in this relationship.
I crave romantic touches. I crave that sexy feeling. I want to laugh.
Alex has been that.
I think I’ll just play by ear. If Alex is good to me, I might make out with him.
I feel I almost need to teach him to treat me better. So, I’m better off to not give in quickly. More self control, but flirt and charm to show interest. And maybe a tiny bit of making out cuz I need it. That’ll be my tactic.
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I’m also sad that this will be an end to an era. An era of me never have cheated. An era of me being pure to Bunny.
I wish Bunny’s knee was fine. I wish his TMJ and Neck were fine. I wish he was in a better place mentally and physically. I wish we complemented each other perfectly.I wish we have sex, amazing sex.
He is so beautiful, so handsome. He is sweet. He is innocent (I think). He won’t cheat on me (I think). But these qualities are not enough….
I want someone who also makes me laugh. Someone who loves me deeply. Someone who is a problem solver, and action taker. Someone whom I can have meaningful and intellectual conversations with.
It’s interesting that Ty and I never reached that point of me being tempted…but Alex…
In a perfect world, I’d be with Bunny, and Bunny would be just like he is, except we’d have the sexual dynamics of me and Matthew, the intellectual closeness of me and Ty, the complementary entrepreneural drive / power couple skillset like me and Alex.
Today is Nov 3rd Wednesday. Mushroom was Friday night / Saturday. I was masturbating 6 times a day on Saturday and Sunday. Monday maybe 3 times. Tuesday twice. And after going to Bunny’s last night, no more sex drive. I dunno why….is it because he is so depressing? We didn’t even cuddle. I worry for him.
I often wish that God or his dad in the heavens would give him a lucky break. I mean, I guess I have been that to him. I dug him out of his financial hole, and can help him get rich. He has helped me get rich. We are both grateful of this.
Now if we can figure out his health issues, he would be golden. He might even be funny and sexual! He would be a much more compatible partner then. Sigh. Dear God, please help improve his health.
Talked to Dad, Mom, and Bunny today (Nov 3). Dad moved to Yilan and seems happy. I’m happy for him because a smaller city means more chance of having friends. Mom was fine. Creating an InterativeBroker account for her.
Called Bunny at 1pm and he was all tired as usual. He’s been a kill joy the past couple of weeks, maybe because of his knee taking so long to heal, maybe it’s the lack of sativa pills. No more cute nick names for a week. No cuddles as of yesterday. No sex and no making out for at least 6 months now. (I thought it was since April, but I just realized that we didn’t even have sex on my birthday).
The reason why I called him was because I realized that the prolotherapy may have caused the delay in his knee healing. I called to let him know that maybe he didn’t have as much to worry about.
He gave me the good news that MAC is now at $22. He said I’ve made $2MM from SPG and MAC alone! I do have a lot of be thankful of Bunny.
I was talking to Mom later today and told her only good things about Bunny. Sigh, it really is up to me to portray Bunny well to others! It’s that easy to do.
Bunny called later to say he felt better today after sativa. Good!
I’m more calm now about my feelings for Alex. But still really want to make out with him. I thought about why I’m drawn to him so quickly. I think it’s because I’ve always been a little attracted to him, he is the power couple complement I have been wanting, he is interested, and he is sweet to me. Oh an mushroom brought us closer. And we both laughed harder than ever in our lives. Most importantly, Bunny hasn’t wanted to be physical with me for a while now. It doesn’t matter how hot he is or how sincere he is. I’m surprised that Cyn and Ty lasted that long!