After not seeing Ty for a really long time…maybe two months? I kinda gave up. I missed him. But whenever he is ready. I thought maybe it’s because I am not vaccinated.
Finally he reached out to me two days ago for chilli last night! And a walk before that. It was nice. He makes the world’s best chilli!
We walked around the seawall. It started hailing for a bit. We talked about mushroom. He just recently did a heroic dose of 6.5g. The going between frames of a memory experience seems very interesting!
It’s just so fun hanging out.
The chilli was amazing. He made a salad too. And after that, we had a sour beer while lounging in front of a city view.
We talked about my relationship. Alex. Getting badges/street cred for life’s elevator pitches.
We laughed quite a bit.
Sounds like he hasn’t been doing much the past month. I guess maybe he was sad about the breakup after all. Or maybe the full time job got to him.
We didn’t talk about vax, Knot Theory, or his work.
He gave me some chilli to take home. I’ll bring it to Bunny’s so he can try it too!
Bunny was in a better mood yesterday! He called at 11ish as I was with Ty. I didn’t pick up, thinking, that would be more similar to when Alex was “hanging out” with me.
He had some sativa and felt pretty good. The market was doing well, so that helped too!
We even chatted ’til after midnight. Usually he was the one who wanted to hang up and go to sleep. I was falling asleep and had to call it a night.
I think I’m more pleasant and forgiving with him these days because I have satisfied my needs elsewhere.
I feel more alive. I want to be more interesting, because when Alex asked me what I do that day…I was always working.
Now I want to take online dance lessons, grow my hair, get abs, earn more street creds!
I have been working out almost everyday. I am noticing a difference. A bit leaner now. Still need to lose maybe 4 to 5 kg.
I do think about Alex, but not a lot lot. Not like, pining over him. It’s a pretty good balance. I did kinda want to have sex again yesterday afternoon. I texted him that quenching the thirst just made me more thirsty. He said he think’s we always thirsty. If he said, let’s meet up tonight, then, I might become more interested in him…too interested. He’s a bit passive. In this scenario it works.
I didn’t tell anyone about us having sex.
I told Ty that I thought about cheating. I gave Stephen Hawkins’ wife as an example. He said he thinks I would feel guilty about it, since not cheating is such a core value of mine.
But, core values get updated.
This is a unique situation. Bunny is not physically interested in me for the past 8 months. I’m still with him because it’s cruel to abandon him. I’m not self aggrandizing. I can help him. I can help him get back on his feet by helping him make more money. And only I can help him, and only I am willing – of all the people in his life.
I don’t know if he is into me still or just seeing me as a friend, honestly. He is sweet to me. Has my best interest at heart. That’s all I know.
So, in order to stay with him, without feeling super stifled, I’m starting to be more and more ok with cheating, in this context.
Alex is so not the one for me, which helps too.
As a fuck buddy, he is also not the most enticing.
But, he is pretty cute. His face is cuter than I remembered. He is smart. Pretty funny. Unique. His tattoos were not as terrible as I thought…definitely not a turn off. His body is tight. His dick fits me perfectly actually.
He is so tiny…I think he is 5’7″. When we are in missionary position, he just looks so tiny to me.
I wasn’t my best either though.
I kept adjusting my wig. I had a bit of a belly.
I think my vag smelled too. But now, 2, 3 days later, I smell pretty awesome. No smell I mean.
6 days before my period.
I’m not too horny today. Tried to masturbate abut didn’t feel like it halfway.
Let’s get some goals accomplished instead!
I do hope to see him this weekend and get my 1 hour lesson that I paid $300 for lol. And sexy time too. I think I’ll be more open to being passionate this time.
I don’t know his attention span. I hope we can have this for a while actually. I think I need this right now. Meanwhile, I hope Bunny feels better soon.