Haha…I know I’m not gonna come back to read this!
But this is a nice outlet. I can’t tell anyone about Alex. Or, I haven’t. If I were to tell someone, it’d probably be Cyndi. Nicole is too close to everyone in terms of physical distance, and she might get jealous that I have 2 guys and she has none. Ty might get jealous that I didn’t choose him. Cyndi has been very much busy dating and having eye pain…and not working much on KT. Cat might not care haha. Ok maybe Cat I can tell this to.
But I don’t need to. Who knows how long this will last.
Today, I woke up to a phone call. Went to check my phone, and dripped blood all the way to the living room as if I was leaving a cookie trail for a vampire.
Mixed feelings. First, glad I”m not pregnant. Haven’t been using protection with Alex, though he’s been pulling out. Two, will it end in time for our next rendezvous? Will there be a next?
Today, my feelings for him is an abstract one. Yes of course I still like him and am interested in him, but I’m not as much a slave to physical needs to procreate, seeing that my uterus is in take-down mode right now.
Also, I just saw Bunny yesterday. I was still attracted to him, interestingly. I was still horny. I wanted to have sex with him.
If Alex was in John’s position, I wonder if I would’ve done all this for him. John is still far more beautiful haha. I wonder if I would be quicker to give up on Alex because he is not as beautiful….so weird of me. So shallow.
I might not be though…Alex has been making me so happy. He makes me laugh. He compliments me. Our mushroom night and the 2 Sundays after, have been the most blissful experience for me in a long time.
Anyway, no point in comparing.
I’m just surprised at how good I am at being invested emotionally and physically in Bunny still. Maybe it’s because I have gemini ascension. Maybe it’s because I am just horny as fuck now that I’m reinvigorated by Alex. Maybe it’s because I’m non-committal and this arrangement puts me at ease. Maybe I’m a poly. I’ve never had multiple lovers…but it seems fairly natural to me. I definitely have often had emotional love affairs.