Wow. I thought we’d have more time than 3 seshes without hiccups. But, he cancelled last minute today.
I tried to not take it personally, but I cried. I HATE being cancelled on.
I would not have cancelled on him. Matthew only met with me twice every month, but he never cancels.
I asked Cyndi how she copes.
But, we are very different people. She gets treaded on.
Well, now I get a glimpse of how Alex and I can go south….so easily too.
I was too deep too fast. I was considering making him a silver crane! I thought about us long term! He can’t even show up.
I don’t even know if I can be enthusiastic about us next week anymore.
I don’t even know if I can count on him showing up next week anymore.
He did just get a “dead beat” tattoo that was based on his nickname when he was younger.
And I know that if I point it out to him, that I’m not sure about him anymore, I 1000% can guess that he’ll just give up on us. He won’t fight for us. Just like Matthew never did when I called it quits.
He would, I bet, just agree with me and we’ll never see each other again.
At least Bunny is someone who wouldn’t give up on me.
But he is so unfun to be around.
Sigh.
What to do?
I read a bit online and people are so fed up with people cancelling on them. But the keyword is consistently.
I’ll give him another chance then I guess.
I wish I was with someone who is SO into me and I’m SO into him, and we both are able to be present – physically and mentally – for each other. And that we have a great time.
This is also a wakeup call to not sink to deep with Alex.
There’s a lot of issues with him.
Don’t think that he is perfect. He is far from it. I’m far from it.
We all seem perfect at first.