Gah I want this office! It’s perfect!
I sent the land lady one more email. I’ll keep manifesting with feelings!
Yesterday, Thursday, Alex asked, “Whens the next time I can see u again?? ”
Aww, he is asking ahead of time like I asked him to!
I suddenly realized that maybe he didn’t arrange to meet up with me last weekend because he was supposed to go away to Mexico and thought he told me the dates?
I want to believe that. I want to believe that he wants to make it work between us and will.
He is so special to me.
I went to Bunny’s last night. I brought some groceries and we watched some Seinfeld and an octopus documentary. Octopuses are so cool! We ate some chicken waffles – my fave!
After that, we cuddled. I didn’t expect this, but we started making out and had sex! I was pretty horny…not sure if it’s because of John or Alex.
I was rubbing his chest while we watched TV. He still has such a defined and sexy chest even though he’s been at home for 5 months now. But I’m so glad that his knee is getting better each day, and he can now take short walks. Tomorrow, he is gonna go see the chiro that Wil had recommended. Finally!
Our sex was very very short. Less than a minute. He turned me around and we did doggie style right away. Not at all like how Alex would do it. Alex likes to start with missionary style, and look at my face as his dick goes inside of me. I love that. His dick feels amazing the moment it goes inside of me. I showed it all over my face and he can tell. So he loves watching my face in that moment.
I actually told John that we don’t have to have sex if he didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure if he felt pressured to do it, and it wasn’t very good last time, and he seemed to be in agony after.
This time, it still didn’t feel amazing, but it felt better than last time. It was so short I didn’t have a chance to climax before he did. He was again in pain after. He said his heart rate was so high. Something is wrong with him if a few seconds of sex impacted him so much.
In some ways I’m glad we are having sex again, but in some ways feeling guilty that I told Alex that John and I are not physical. Ironic.
In the long run, I think I’d like to move to Austin. Meet the love of my life there. Build a community there.
I don’t know if Mom being here would make it impossible to move to the US. I hope not. I hope she comes to visit sometimes.
Had dinner takeout from Black Rice on Wednesday, when I met up with Ty for his bday. I haven’t been hanging out with him as much, mainly because he has been a bit distant. Not sure if it’s because his work was taking up a lot of his time, or if there’s something else on his mind.
But on Wednesday it was all good. We talked and laughed as usual. Ahhh but not like how it is with Alex. I always thought Ty and I have the best talks that no one else can beat. But Alex makes me laugh in such a way that it’s just….wonderful. Like he is a bit clumsy or goofy…but still very smart and pensive.
Also Alex just has that sexual charm…..but only after our mushroom night. Before that he was always so poker faced and non-flirty, I wasn’t sure if he was attracted to me. I guess he still is poker faced, but, now I know he is attracted to me.
So Ty and I laughed a lot, but there was noooo sexual vibes at all. That’s amazing. I bet if he showed some interest a few months ago I would’ve been into him. But he managed to nip that in the bud, and now we are as platonic as it gets. I don’t mind it at all. I feel like he’ll be a life long close friend, just like Cyndi. I hope they become friends again in the future.
He started working on ToonProv again the past 2 weeks. He said thanks to me asking him what his most happy and meaningful moment was. I’m glad! I hope it goes far! And I selfishly hope to be that person who helps me find his purpose, fill that void, cure that feeling of sadness about aging that he has.
When I buy a lot in Texas, maybe we can build the community, the Cult, the Collabrative, that he/we dreamt of.
I want to shape my future. I think I’ve let it be for a while….embracing the unknown. There’s always gotta be a balance of both. Shape it as much as I can, embrace all the surprises along the way! 🙂