After about 2 months of feeling super sad over Alex, I feel that I’m finally catching up on things.
Still sad, but more functional.
Sigh.
Even this morning I woke up thinking about him.
I thought about if there’s at all possible a scenario that he’ll reach out to me. I can’t think of any.
Usually in a movie if something is this good, there’s a sequel, a trilogy.
But this is real life. I likely won’t see him again. And if I do, it won’t be on good terms. Not steamy sex, romantic making out, and intimate pillow talks. I wish we could have all this, but I don’t think so.
Most recent feeling is kinda negative towards him. Like subconsciously I’m going through a healing journey. I’ll reach peace at some point. All the exes mean nothing to me now. Soon Alex will be too.
I guess he was there just to open my mind up about short Asian guys.
Now I don’t even have a type. I don’t know what I find attractive anymore. I guess anything goes.
Bunny finally found a chiro that might be able to help him. That’s such amazing news!
I’m one step closer to being free.
We’ve been a bit closer now. Talking on the phone for an hour or more each night.
When I think about it, he helped me make over $2MM. He’s been the most helpful person in my life, financially.
For some reason I have little confidence in him when we set the TV up. And I sort of don’t admire him in trading… but I have no idea why. I trusted him enough to have him manage my money, and to have invested in what he recommended 2 years ago…but I’m not admiring him…why is that?
In contrast, I admired Alex. Always have. Maybe because I have a better idea of how hard it is to run a successful business?
Maybe if Alex was helping me install the TV I wouldn’t have trusted him on that either?
Everyone has strengths in different arenas.
I need to learn to respect and admire Bunny more.
He IS smart in some ways. His brain is compromised, yet he can still be smart, so he must be quite smart.
I still bow to my gods every morning and night – Goddess of Compassion, God of Wealth, God of Health, a gold yuanbao, a casual-Goddess-of-Compassion, and my love necklace.
Things have shifted a bit for me now though, after I learned about the concept of 9 dimensions and the God within ourselves. God is the sum of parts…and we are the parts. But in time we become god. And in dimensions where there is no time, we are God.
Now I feel that God isn’t this warm and loving being…God is a humongous being, and we are a cell. Or even smaller…an organelle within a cell. We are soooo small.
But I want to believe that God is this warm and loving being…that we are taken cared of. That there are no mistakes, no regrets, no guilt, no blames – only deeper understanding and learning and evolution.
I suppose just because I’m not aware of all my cells, and not warm and loving towards each organelle in my cells, it doesn’t mean that God is like that to us. God could be much more aware than we are. And maybe we are much more aware than we know we are 🙂
I need to remember that at the root of all this is LOVE.
The Mom show is very interesting. The grandma, who is 51, lead a life of not trusting men & addiction after her boyfriend of 2 years disappeared on Xmas eve, right after she gave birth.
Knowing that people do walk out on their partners, this isn’t just dramatized fiction. The fact that she couldn’t hold her life together after that makes so much more sense now.
I have so much more compassion for that just because Alex ghosted me. It wasn’t nearly the same, but gosh, I get an inkling of how traumatizing this would’ve been for her! Enough to fuck a person up for life!