After placing about $200 worth of sex toys – 3 dildos that are about Alex’s girth, and 2 top selling sex toys (1 sucking vibrator and 1 massage wand), I was craving for some dick-in-the-vag feeling. But the toys will take about a week to arrive. So I dug out my sucking vibrator that I didn’t like very much.
I searched for “porn for girls”, and finally found some more sensual tit sucking porn.
I used the dildo part of the vibrator. It wasn’t the shape I wanted, but it still did something. I looked for my g-spot with it, and felt a bit turned on.
But just as I felt a bit more turned on, I suddenly remembered Alex more and more. And I burst into tears before I can cum.
I cried and napped.
I woke up feeling pretty ok. My bed is comfy, my organics bamboo sheets are comfy. I’m lucky. Oh and I get to enjoy this beautiful place, having it all to myself. I’m definitely very lucky.
I decided to finish where I started. Second attempt at an orgasm.
I found another porn clip. I masturbated and got one, then I grabbed the dildo to try to continue. Then, as I was getting heated, again I burst into tears.
I finished crying, wiped my tears and blew my nose, then continued my day.
I danced for a while. Got all sweaty. It was quite good.
Now I’m in the second bedroom typing this out, enjoying the desk I had built last month, before it got too hot in here. Such foresight! It’s nice and cool in here, with a gentle breeze and the view of my (hopefully still alive) bamboos 🙂
Back to Alex.
What’s to do?
Oh, I should mention, this morning I went for a walk to Canada Place. It’s the first day of the year that I went without a wig. Shaved my head to a pretty full mohawk yesterday.
Didn’t wear a bra. Who am I trying to impress. Haha
Though I think I would’ve been more willing to run if I did wear a bra. Next time.
Beautiful sunny day. Perfect temperature. Just breathing the air in was so relaxing!
There were so many cruise ship tourists! Great.
Enjoy this before the next pandemic hits! Monkeypox is on the horizon.
There were 2 favourite moments:
- On Hamilton and West Pender, it looked as though something gold had exploded and littered the sidewalk with glitter. In the sun, the pavement just shimmered like a road to heaven. It was beautiful!
- The water fountain by the pizza place is ON! I walked around it hoping to see a rainbow. Sure enough, there were several! Even a double rainbow!
It was such a pleasant walk. I didn’t run like I had expected, but it was so refreshing and re-energizing and centreing 🙂
Some thoughts:
- Ask Anh about Facebook demographics we can target, and then design ring for them
- Ask Ty to allow different fonts & small white space, big white space, and vertical padding
From the book Flow, some clusters of people would move every 2o to 30 years so they can feel useful/alive again. We naturally become stagnant. So, same is true for people we are in long term relationships with. Maybe we need to part ways for a little while. Maybe we need to rotate partners. Maybe just end and start anew?
The problem with these clusters of people who restart every couple of decades is inscalability in size and depth. When the population is large, this won’t work. When the civilization is deep (sophisticated) with complex infrastructure such as skytrains and highrises, this won’t work. So in terms of a nation, how do you stay fresh? In terms of a person, how do you stay fresh?
China builds on existing cities, expand its region, start new cities, demolish non-thriving ones.
As a person, we an grow together with our partner, do deeper things together (have kids, start biz together, move around the world, travel, etc), have more partners, end relationships that don’t work.
Yes! The goal is flow. The goal is elevating ourselves (another theme in the book). Glow up.
I came across an IG ad for “removing your limiting beliefs”.
Wasn’t able to buy it easily so I didn’t.
I googled what it takes to remove limiting beliefs. More importantly:
- What are my limiting beliefs?
- What new ones to instill?
I thought, if I were to design the course, I’d do this:
- Find examples that support the beliefs I want to create
- Burn them to memory
- Find some mantras / affirmations
- Repeat them often
Suddenly I remember that Tony Robbins pretty much taught me that. He also added:
- Think of how life would be in 5 years if I continue with this limiting belief
- Go deep on the pain and sadness from that
- Find ridiculous examples that support the limiting beliefs
- Affirm that they are ridiculous
- Do the opposite for the new beliefs I want to instill on myself
So, what are my limiting beliefs?
What are some news ones I want to instill?
Old: This guy is the best guy I’ll ever meet. There won’t be more like him.
New:Â Abundance over scarcity. The old paves way for the new. And if the old is not gone, the new cannot come. I have learned some cool things about relationship from my time with Alex. Now that he is gone, I’ll be able to explore new and better guys. Guys who will make me laugh, make me think, have amazing sex with, reply on, trust, and are emotionally so mature that they will be able to have conversations with me to work through anything.Â
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After talking to Mark about it being pointless to get attention on IG, I decided to make my profile private.
No point in making my IG pretty or glamorous just because that’s the IG style. What does that give me? Impressing strangers so creepy guys slide into my dm?
Let’s not let the platform decide who we are.
I like to share deeper thoughts. Share rawer photos. Share what’s really going on with my life. After all, that’s the only reason why I post. It’s just so my friends know what’s going on in my life. So we are not completely out of touch. Basically, I guess I want to use it like how I use Facebook…