I’m finally healed after 2 weeks of being sick!
It’s good to be alive again.
But on Tuesday after going into the office and hugging Nicole and Alyssa, I felt a bit tire and had a bit of a sore throat.
Lana wants to hang out but I don’t really want to, in part because I don’t want to be sick again. Also she is uninspiring. And I don’t like her voice. She is smart and very nice though. And the only person who wants to hang out, aside from Nicole.
I want more friends that I like spending time with. And a boyfriend that I like spending time with. There’s a pattern here!
I think I must’ve gotten so sick in part because I was heart broken over Alex. 3 months of fun, 3 months of suffering.
Yesterday I still cried I think, but today I didn’t. I haven’t been thinking about him much.
Memories of him is fading. I don’t want to forget what it’s like to feel excited, to be turned on, to be in love….but, I need to bury this for now so I can live my life.
Honestly I don’t feel that there’s anything exciting these days…again going through existential crisis.
What is the point of anything?
Connections? Cyndi has so much fun with her friends in Creston. But listening to her talking about going to a music festival – it just doesn’t seem that fun. Feels like pointless, superficial activities.
I do like my ECF Vancouver friends though. They are funny and smart. Nice to me too.
Relationship? I’m trapped in this lifeless relationship with John. I’m just here to support him emotionally. Every time we talk I feel annoyed or more depressed.
Before Alex and I got intimate, when we were in Montreal, I had fun hanging with him I remember. And I didn’t miss John at all. After we got intimate, every moment we spent together was AMAZING.
If in this life I’m here to play, why am I not playing? Why am I always stuck with the boring ppl that I don’t want to spend time with? I wish I was a magnet for smart, funny, inspiring people! People who make me feel good.
Those people don’t seem to want to hang out with me…
Maybe need to work on my charm? Or just be a more interesting person?
Recently I’ve been practicing Monster, the dance by XiaoTangYuan. Almost there. Once I got all the moves down, I’ll then work on the cool factor.
This dance has been hard. After getting most of it, I now play it off my big TV to learn. It’s pretty great!
The magic wand was indeed magical! The satisfyer didn’t have very noticeable suction.
The magic want literally rubbed one (several) out of me, when I didn’t think horny thoughts and didn’t think it can do anything for me.
It’s not the same as making love though. There’s no soul in it.
And all the porn online sucks.